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    chaelee's Avatar
    chaelee Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 15, 2018, 05:34 AM
    Age gap love
    Hello, I’m 18 and I fell in love with my professor that has 10 years gap with me. To begin with, he’s not that typical hot handsome professor that’s such an eyecandy and catch every students heart with his charms, no, big no, he’s rather a.. Childish one that makes me feel like I have an older brother, the one that makes me think that.. it’ll be nice to have him around me all the time.

    I fell for his charisma & his personality, he’s such a bright, vibrant person & his confident is amazing. He’s such a natural born leader & he’s very passionate with the subject he’s teaching.. it makes me happy to watch him happily teach us the things he like. Even though sometimes he is way too straight forward & can easily hurt someone with his words (that’s why some students kind of hate him lmao) but all of the kindness in him win that reckless immature side of him.

    I’ve done background check of him before. (of course, I can’t just crushing on him without knowing anything beforehand) and no, he hasn’t married yet, nor have a girlfriend.

    The thing is..

    Two weeks again will be my last class with him, in my 3rd year, there won’t be any class that he teaches. So I won’t meet him anymore at campus.. and it has been confusing days for me since I keep back and forward asking myself whether to tell him my feelings at the end of the last class. I’m not asking him to be my lover or not, I just.. want to simply tell him that “i’ve loved you all these times.”

    Can I get a suggestion? Is that a good idea to do or should I rather not say it and keep it to myself? For more information, he’s not my dream man. And I can just move on, keep on living my life and maybe meet my.. dream man?. I have a long life to live anyway, but... still, I love him. And my heart keeps telling me that I will regret it more if I don’t tell him than if I’m braving myself to tell him. I need... help. Please help me. Thank you..
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    May 15, 2018, 06:02 AM
    Got a close friend? That's who you confide your secret crushes and desires to, not the object of them, because teacher/student may not be appropriate where you are, and may carry unintended consequences and complications, especially if his feelings don't match yours. The whole purpose of revealing a crush or strong attraction is to see if something can come of it so as long as you are a student and he is a teacher, go on with your life, doesn't matter if you are no longer HIS student.

    So tell him NOTHING. What possible reason could you have for telling him your feelings?
    chaelee's Avatar
    chaelee Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    May 15, 2018, 10:23 AM
    I’ve told one of my friends about this, and she’s fully understand about it.

    Also I’m still hoping he can think of me the same way as I do, there is still part of me wanting to be his lover. But there’s no way that could happen if I don’t tell him. And it won’t change anything you know? If you just stay silent & bottling everything up inside yourself?

    Is it really that bad to fall for a teacher?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    May 15, 2018, 11:17 AM
    Look, if all you want is to use each others bodies then you can discreetly do whatever you want, but let's be real here since you are a very young girl, and having no clue as to your experience or background then can I assume you are innocent in love and sex as the driven snow? You tell me. Lust fades fast and if you have no control over your own feelings then jump on that emotional roller coaster with an older guy who happens to be your teacher, and while he may be a great one to you, as a man and human he is a stranger.

    I am just afraid you may let your young romantic fantasy blind you to the practical reality of life, and that's older guys love young inexperienced girls who will give them anything. I think it foolish to expect a secret lover type deal to grow from there seeing as how he has made no type of move that he is interested at all.

    Now you can follow your heart and feelings if you choose, but the odds you get it broken are greater than the fantasy that's dancing in your head. Do you really think he will date you and take you around his friends and family and romance you like a novel princess? I'm sure he isn't that dumb to jeopardize his job and social standing for a piece of hot young tail.

    Naw this is more like the cheap motel kind of affair the way I see it. If that's okay then you go for it. Didn't your friend tell you that you have love and BS all mixed up? Well I am. It's your life though.
    chaelee's Avatar
    chaelee Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    May 15, 2018, 07:22 PM
    I’m not... lusting on him. Okay look talaniman, i’m not That innocent, hell i know that’s sound soooooo convincing coming out from a mouth of a-young-eighteen-years-old. It sounds dumb, i know. But really. I do understand how things work, all this time in my life i’ve been the one my friends rely on anytime they need a love advice, hell, any advice. I’ve been the one doing the thing you do, thinking the best way possible to solve their problems. Helping them.

    I’ll open my mind and trying my best to understand the problem they’re facing from their perception, from the other people perception. I’ll try to change my paradigm on how i see things so i can understand what are they thinking about their problems.

    But now it’s me that are confused, and i believe they’ll be confused too if i ask them this thing.

    i try to tell my story and ask this onto strangers i also believed can help me

    but no talaniman, all you do is underestimating me, thinking of me as a foolish-young-eighteen-years-old girl. i’ve considered it all. i understand that there will be 98% of this being not a happy love, i know he can’t take me on ice cream dates, movie dates, take me to a pretty restaurant, take me on a walk. I mean what if other person sees him? Sees us? also i understand that there will be a lot of times we fight, because a mind of an 18 years old sure is very different with a mind of 28 years old guy. i can’t expect him to bring me presents like those in cute scenes love dramas, snucking into my room late at night just to cuddle up with me, he can’t do that. I know. i can’t expect him to pick me up after i finish class, i can’t even imagine him spending his lunch break eating with me. what if anyone knows? what if anyone realize? It will be a disaster. It’s a bad thing i know.

    But it seems you did not even read the things i wrote carefully. haven’t i mentioned that i’m not longing over his body? Okay now you want to talk about lust, let’s talk about it. i understand that there will be time when we finally have sex if i ever got to be with him. Does that surprise me? No. I have friends that done that too with their boyfriends. Hell, those 50 shades of grey kinky things they’ve done. (please know that it’s not a hoe culture, it’s an-eighteen-years-old thingy that happens around in your life that you seem to missed). I understand adult love. But i guess if you’re older than me then you must’ve known too that adult love is not all about sex and lust?

    i thanked you for slapping the truth I’ll be facing if i choose that way though. I fully understand now. You’re that one of those judgemental people that will surely judge those ones Harsly if they’ve ever done things that isn’t normal to you. You live your life thinking about other people’s perception on you, about what they think about you, about morals and everything.

    if you can’t help me just say so in the beginning, talaniman.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    May 15, 2018, 09:23 PM
    Just trying to make you think beyond your hormones, feelings of attraction, heart or whatever has you all flushed with "LOVE" over this fellow, my dear, take no offense. That was the whole jist of my trying to help... THINK about it before you confess your feelings. What's the hurry? You can't wait to see if the crush fades after not seeing him everyday? Afraid of some other girl getting your dude? If you rather not consider my help then do your 18 year old thing your way.

    I don't judge you, how can I? Nothing wrong with having feelings for another, it's what you do with them that matters and confessing love to an older fellow that was your teacher may not be appropriate, and may be dangerous! That simple! What do you really expect an older experienced person to tell an 18 year old female about confessing her feelings to a guy 10 years her senior and was her teacher? Or is your idea of helpful telling you what you want to hear.

    Still confused? Leave the man alone until you are not.
    chaelee's Avatar
    chaelee Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    May 15, 2018, 10:12 PM
    Ah this one actually helps, the last part especially.

    Thank you for saying that! I’ll settle everything up first before deciding my next move, he already has many problems anyway, don’t want to burden him more with me being confused.

    I’ll bother you again with the updates, thanks

    Ah this one actually helps, the last part especially.

    Thank you for saying that! I’ll settle everything up first before deciding my next move, he already has many problems anyway, don’t want to burden him more with me being confused.

    I’ll bother you again with the updates, thanks
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    May 16, 2018, 03:33 AM
    No bother, glad to talk it through, love to hear what you come up with.

    Good luck.

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