Hi guys

Was looking online for some relationship advice, and I stumbled upon this inspirational story.

To SD, I respect you for the man you are. You have done what most guys can only talk about, but not do. You could have given up so much earlier, but you gave it all you have. And although it didn't work out with your ex, I guess it comes with being in a relationship. You'll never know what will happen in the future. As for Traci and yourself, I wish the both of you all the best, and all the happiness you deserve.

The reason I wanted to post here, is probably because I have seen the advice you guys have given. And I was hoping you all could shed some light into my situation.

I have a girlfriend of one year. We just celebrated our first year anniversary. And like all relationships, the beginning was, for lack of better words, fun. However, in the past few months, we have been going through some bumps that we've never encountered before. I should mention, prior to these bumps, we've never argued before. Now, it just seems like something could start of nothing.

Before I continue, something about myself. I am a private person. I don't share my feelings with anyone other than my girlfriend. And even that, I found it difficult at first. I still do actually. I feel like I have to be mindful of everything I say, in case whatever comes out of my mouth gets misintepreted. I have never shared this issue with her, or anyone else. But I thought since there is no possibility of you all finding me, I guess I could ask for a little help here.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I love this girl with all my heart, and she says she loves me too. Just that lately, I am beginning to question her commitment to our relationship. Whenever she's around me, she just seems tired, or uninterested. Last weekend, I asked if she wanted to rent some movies to watch, but she said she felt really tired, and wanted to spend more time with her family. Then, last night, I called to see how she was doing, and found out she was out having drinks with her best friend. They've been best friends for about 7 years now.

I don't mean to come off as being jealous, but in truth, I do feel a little jealous. If she could muster up some strength to spend time and have fun with her best friend, why can't she do it for me? Even when we celebrated our anniversary a few days ago, it felt a little awkward for me. Things are not the way it used to be, but it feels like I'm the only one trying to keep us together. It has been like this for a few months now. Hence, the reason for the bumps in our relationship. Every time I feel something going wrong, I close up. I retreat into my own shell, and just keep my emotions at arm's length. She pointed this out to me, and I'm working on it. But it's difficult to keep putting myself out there all the time, and feel like she's not doing her part.

Hence, I need some advice. Is it me being insecure with myself? Am I overthinking too much? Am I asking for too much? What would you all have done in situations like this?

Dear 3edc4rfv..
I do wish you would have started a new thread with your current issue because I feel it deserves it's own attention. But I can see that you put it here because you are hoping that the outcome will be just as positive as Sd's last post here. He has come a long way..

Now back to you.

From what I read, you are a 'loner' or introverted. Can I assume that you feel most comfortable at 'home' with your girlfriend, therefore renting movies for entertainment with just the two of you? In that case, I can understand that you were upset because she went out drinking with friends and losing her 'pep' staying home with you most of the time.

I feel that if you could jump over your shadow and take her out more, show pride in being with her in public, enjoy doing things she likes to do it might get her pep back. If she was outgoing when you met, please don't expect her to become a homebody just for you. You need to talk to her and assure her that you don't want to keep her just for yourself - that you will work on being secure in your relationship even with others around. It is OK to be nervous, as long as she knows this and that you will try to work on this problem with her help.

When in a relationship, you cannot afford to 'hide' from the rest of the world or clam up - it's not healthy and will only scare her into thinking that you don't trust her. You really need to be more open with her and let her know that with her help you are willing to try. A good start is by letting her have a girl's night out once a week and that you will try not to be too upset about it. Then make an attempt of taking her someplace special where she can help you get over your phobia of 'public' places. She is too young to be 'locked up' and this is what I think the main reason is - which would be an easy fix if you try. So, it's time to show and tell now, and stop being so 'shy'. We gain only by trying out new things and experiences - not by stagnation.

It can't hurt matters, and with her help, I'm sure you'll do just fine. What were your past relationships like?

Good luck, and keep us posted.

A relationship is only worth what you are willing to invest.

******** I have moved this to its own thread so it can actually get read and not lost on page 10 of someone else's post.
Please if you have a question, ask it on its own thread, and if you are giving up follow up info, then use the reply function.

My first thought is your dating cycle my be winding down and she is maybe not wanting to spend as much time with you. Maybe she is no longer "in love" with you. You need to have a talk with her. Ask her to be honest and tell you if she wants out of the relationship.
Or, it could be you are more dependent on spending time with her than she is with you. Either way, you two need to have an honest talk.

Geez guy don't smother her, and for gosh sakes doing the at home with a movie can be... boring. Get some spice and pazzaz in your life, as its about having fun. Show her a good time, and keep her laughing, and she won't have to ditch you for a friend.

Oh no... you've become "that guy"... ABORT ABORT ABORT!!

Can't be whiny like that... if she's out with her friend, that means she wants to have fun that doesn't include you... for once. At this point, as tal said, give her some space... meet up with her, yes, but once a week or so, make plans with your buddies and get out there. You guys aren't married yet, so don't act like you are. This is where most guys fail... they get whiny and clingy. Don't be that guy.

Also, add some excitement to your dates... improvise your dates a little bit.

I agree with Tal and Sneezy...

If you want to see how she truly feels about the relationship then when she is not hanging out make yourself busy. She'll either get curious and start calling you/wanting to hang out more or she'll keep moving further and further away. If it's the latter, then maybe its time to call it quits.