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    honey8594's Avatar
    honey8594 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:03 PM
    Abusive relationship
    I been dateing my boyfreind for nine months. And my life slowly started to disappear. He won't allow me to have any friends and he makes me set at home all day well he goes out and hangs with his friends. Then when he comes home he yells at me and accuses me of having menh at our apartment. He won't allow me to wear shorts anything tight or anything that shows my stomach. I'm only 20 years old and I feel like I'm wasteing my life. I thought about leaving him so many times but its immpossible when he knows where I live and I can't move because my money is real tight and I will never be able to afford it. He often gets drunk and pushes me around I don't remember when the last time I smiled was. I need help Will someone please give me some good advice?
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #2

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:06 PM

    You need to get out of this relationship! Find somewhere you can stay with friends or family. Start looking for a job if you don't have one already. Don't ever stay with someone like that because money is tight. You don't need to be in that type a situation. I'm sure there is someone who would let you stay with them.
    twinkiedooter's Avatar
    twinkiedooter Posts: 12,172, Reputation: 1054
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    #3

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:08 PM

    If this is your apartment/house whatever, have him move out. If it is his apartment/house whatever, you move out as soon as humanly possible.

    He is only going to get WORSE as time progresses. You are being kept as his slave literally. Please get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible, OK? Find a girl friend or family member to move in with until you can get your own place. Please do this as soon as possible before you get pregnant as if that happens then you fall into his well laid trap of keeping you in his clutches for many, many years suffering whatever insults or abuse both physical and mental at you.
    honey8594's Avatar
    honey8594 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:14 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ZoeMarie View Post
    you need to get out of this relationship! Find somewhere you can stay with friends or family. start looking for a job if you don't have one already. don't ever stay with someone like that because money is tight. you don't need to be in that type a situation. I'm sure there is someone who would let you stay with them.
    But this is my apartment its in my name I can't evade my home its not that easy
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #5

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:16 PM

    Is there any way you could get him evicted or does he not live there? Or when he's gone have the locks changed? You really shouldn't have to put up with him.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:17 PM
    But this is my apartment its in my name I can't evade my home
    Then he has to go, and if, not call a cop, or don't let him in when he returns from work. Stand up for yourself, and any help you can get is fine(cops, brothers, friends).

    And don't even think about taking him back, or having anything else to do with him.
    its not that easy
    Just because its hard doesn't mean you can't do it.
    honey8594's Avatar
    honey8594 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ZoeMarie View Post
    is there any way you could get him evicted or does he not live there? or when he's gone have the locks changed? you really shouldn't have to put up with him.
    I tried to lock him out so many times like I live in an apartment building and he will come and bang on my door and make all the neighbors come out and yell its going to get me evicted I called the cops but they never come because I live in a bad town I think I'm just screwed I meesaged dr. phil lol I hope he can help
    honey8594's Avatar
    honey8594 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Then he has to go, and if, not call a cop, or don't let him in when he returns from work. Stand up for yourself, and any help you can get is fine(cops, brothers, friends).

    And don't even think about taking him back, or having anything else to do with him.

    Just because its hard doesn't mean you can't do it.
    I did lock him out but I live in an apartment building and he keeps banging on my door and that will get me evicted I called the cops but they never come because I live in a bad town
    450donn's Avatar
    450donn Posts: 1,821, Reputation: 239
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    #9

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:28 PM

    Oh hunny it is that easy. If necessary you call the police and ask them to have an officer present, explain the situation and tell them you fear for your life. Believe me an officer will be there and escort this guy out of your home. The alternative is you ending up dead on the floor some day. Do you want that?
    momof4and1's Avatar
    momof4and1 Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Nov 6, 2008, 01:38 PM

    Hey this sounds like my life 10 years ago. Only we did have a kid. It isn't easy but it is worth it. If you don't do something, you will soon find yourself as I did, looking down the barrel of a sawed off shotgun held by a guy who had been "out with his friends" and was drunk, and my 2 yr old son watching and screaming from his crib. If he isn't on the lease, go to your landlord and let them know why you need to change the locks. Then when boyfriend gets persistent, get the cops involved. EVERY TIME. Get reports made and the whole 9. Then if he doesn't quit, you have all you the ammo you need to petition for a protective order with no questions asked. This is a pain, but if you don't you will be dealing with different kinds of pain lying in the hospital or maybe a coffin if you don't. You sound strong enough, and believe me, as much as he has made you feel dependent on him, you really aren't. Sometimes you just feel like it is easier to tolerate him, than get rid of him. Hope this helps a little, and you need to take what these other responses say into serious consideration. Seems that if complete strangers care this much, that you should have no trouble finding friends and family to help in supporting you. (financially and mentally!)
    GOOD LUCK!
    ANB428's Avatar
    ANB428 Posts: 450, Reputation: 42
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    #11

    Nov 6, 2008, 02:26 PM

    You NEED to leave him. I was in the same prediciment 3 years ago with a 2 month old living 1500 miles away from any and everyone that I knew at 19 years old. My daughter's father tried to slit my throat while I was holding my daughter because he was high on meth. I was from Texas and was living in California. I didn't know anyone because me daughter's father wouldn't let me work because I was "screwing" my boss and blah blah blah. So, I had no money, no friends or family, had no idea where the hell I was, I was totally alone and lost at 19 with a 2 month old. It is just going to get worse and worse. I PROMISE. You need to change the locks and box all of his stuff up and put it all outside. Then when he comes over banging on the door, you call the cops tell them that your ex is abusive and he is about to break your door down and tell them you need an officer quickly cause you are in danger from domestic violence. Do you have any friends or family that will let you stay with them for a while? How long is your lease on the apartment? First things first, get him out of your house. Then you can worry about finding a job and stuff, but you need to get him out of your house and possibly get restraining orders put on him.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #12

    Nov 6, 2008, 02:38 PM

    And don't forget to have an escape plan, with cash, credit cards, keys, and other essentials all together in one place.

    Making Escape Plans Before Domestic Violence or Abuse Occurs - Associated Content

    If there is a women's shelter you can get to, at least go and talk to them. I realize that might not be an option. But use it if it is.

    I agree about asking the landlord to change the locks.

    I am concerned that if you change the locks and your boyfriend comes back the police might not get there in time to protect you, should he break the door down. You know how violent he is. If you think this is a possibility, you should go elsewhere and let the landlord deal with the attempted break in. And return to your apartment when it's safer. Consider giving notice and moving away if your boyfriend is likely to stalk you.
    mdug3146's Avatar
    mdug3146 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Nov 6, 2008, 03:12 PM
    Many people will tell you to leave.. RIGHT NOW!! But only you can make that decision, these type of men wear you down mentally, it gets to the point where you cannot think clearly, they need someone they can dominate to make them feel good about themselves. I lived in an abusive relationship for 12 years and was at the point of suiside because I thought I could never get away from him... then I found HOPE HOUSE and they gave me hope and helped me see things that I could not or would not see before. I can only tell you this... it never never never gets any better and all the promises he makes he will break. You must start to think of yourself as a prisioner of war because prisioners of war are brainwashed over and over and taught fear and told how worthless and no good they are, you are a prisioner but you are also the warden and only you hold the key to open the door and leave and as hard or impossible as it seems you can do it you have to do it or you will loose yourself... these men do not know how to love because they hate themselves and soon you will hate yourself. I cannot tell you how truly wonderful it is to feel free and not have fear and now I look back and wonder why I stayed so long, but I know why... I felt responsibel for him and I was afraid of him but one day it was like a light bulb turning on in my head and I asked myself this... are you more afraid of leaving then you are of staying, I could not stand the thought of living like this for the rest of my life. And I was not afraid of him anymore and once I lost my fear he did not have the power over me anymore... you can think of lots of reasons to stay but you only need one reason to go. I don't know if I have help you but one last thing HOPE HOUSE or something like it is in most towns and they are there to help you and give you hope that you can get away and I thank God that they helped me... I wish I could take your hand and lead you out but you have to do it remember you are the one with the key not him
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #14

    Nov 6, 2008, 03:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mdug3146 View Post
    but one day it was like a light bulb turning on in my head and i asked myself this....are you more afraid of leaving then you are of staying, i could not stand the thought of living like this for the rest of my life. and i was not afraid of him anymore and once i lost my fear he did not have the power over me anymore........
    This is exactly what happened to me. I was no longer afraid of him because the worst thing he could do was kill me and I would rather die than live with him for the rest of my life. In one day, I was free.
    Virgil0225's Avatar
    Virgil0225 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Jul 3, 2012, 04:46 AM
    Get out! Move on you can find someone sooooo much better. My mother was in a abusive relationship after I was born I was about 5 when they first started datin. She had two kids with him that they are what kept her with him. She tried leaving him after I told her he hit me. He almost DROVE US OFF A CLIFF! I am 17 now and I wish someone could have told my mom what I am telling you... she might even still be alive if he never abused her and she left before she had any ties... I'm serious. Your 20 go out and find a man! Not a boy

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