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    flow_girl's Avatar
    flow_girl Posts: 20, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 25, 2007, 07:14 PM
    An Abusive Relationship
    Hello Everyone

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now but I'm scared or I think that I'm in a abusive relationship. The first 5 months were amazing. We went on dates, spent nearly every day together and it was just, there were no wrods to describe how happy I was. To be with the man of my dreams.

    8 months on however, things have dramtically changed. When things first started changing I use to just ignore it. I use to think to myself that no I've just misunderstood where his coming from, were just having a stupid fight. He still loves me.

    But I can't do it anymore. I don't know what to do, what to say, what to think. I don't feel like like myself anymore and my parents and best friend have said they don't know me anymore either. They say that I've changed. Im not the same person I use to be.

    At the moment or when he gets angry, he says things like I'm stupid, boring, slow, dumb. He says I'll never be anything in life and I won't be able to get a job with a legal firm. His long stop taken me out on dates and when we do go out I pay for it. I also paid for his bed. I didn't want to to but I didn't want him to sleep on the floor either so I gave it to him. Thing is though, I'm now in debt of $2000.

    In regards to my friends. I don't have any anymore. I've stopped hanging out with them. I also have lost contact with my family over him. They didn't like him from day one because he has two assult charges against his name. Things went sour between him and my family. They tried toc all cops on him etc etc and even mum and dad, as well as matt, wasked for me to choose. Choose them or him. At the time, I chose him. Also lost my job over him because I started calling in sick everyday to work because he wanted to spend time with me.

    Im now living with him. For awhile things settled down. He would say stuff like I hope one day we get married etc etc and that I love you but today I just found out that his smoked weed twice, he got his friend to steal $50 000 from someone else (dont know who) and that his been cheating on me with another girl.

    Im so confused and shocked I don't know what to do. Ive lost everything. I feel so embarrassed by what his done. I do feel stupid for belieiving him. My parents were right but I love him. I love him with all my heart. I've tried to leave 5 other times but I cant. Help, what do I do?
    bluestargirl's Avatar
    bluestargirl Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 25, 2007, 07:24 PM
    Its obvious that you are in an abusive relationship. I think you need to see the whole picture yourself.. re-read what you posted and think about whether you deserve that stuff or do you think you deserve better. You need to start making a life on your own again, separate from him because he obviously has used the face that you depend on him to his advantage. You may love spending time with him and he may seem like the sweetest guy in the world, but he's being selfish. If he cared about you he wouldn't want you to lose your job over spending more time with him. He wouldn't want you to be in debt either.

    The final say, just leave him because he obviously does not deserve you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Jul 28, 2007, 09:14 AM
    love him with all my heart. I've tried to leave 5 other times but I cant. Help, what do I do?
    The cycle of abuse often has the one being abused fearful of leaving and confused as to what to do. Ain't that much love in the world to justify letting some one use, and abuse you. Get the hell away from him as this is only the beginning of some very bad behavior. Call moms today and tell her to come and get you. TODAY!
    bushg's Avatar
    bushg Posts: 3,433, Reputation: 596
    Ultra Member

    Jul 28, 2007, 09:44 AM
    Listen You are allowed to be wrong. It is OK to think that someone is great and find out that they are not. Go home tell mom and dad they are right he is no good for me. You are in love with what you wanted this man to be. Now you know what he is, a liar, cheater, criminal, free loader, an abuser. Is that what you want in a man, can you respect and love those qualities? You know that he does not make you feel good so leave.
    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
    Ultra Member

    Jul 28, 2007, 10:09 AM
    You may feel like you don't have any where to go. He has probably made you feel that way. Like you can't go back to your parents. But you can!
    Your parents love you and probably have known that sooner or later you would see what they have seen the entire time.
    Call your parents and get out of there. You deserve better.
    I know you said you love him, but he has made sure to get you away from anything or anyone you care about and he is CHEATING on you. Does he love you? Doesn't sound like love to me.
    He is doing drugs and stealing money - is that a life you want? It won't get any better. You aren't married - you don't have kids with him. Walk away now before it gets worse - and trust me, it can get worse.
    Good Luck.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646

    Jul 28, 2007, 10:10 AM
    I won't repeat what was said above, it was beautiful BTW and totally correct.

    However, abuse does not have to be physical. It can be verbal and emotional abuse as well. Verbal and emotional abuse can be much much worse than physical abuse. With physical abuse the scars go away with time. With verbal and emotional the scars tend to linger deep inside the hart.

    So, in answer to your question, yes you are in an abusive relationship. You are lucky in that it has only been 8 months, time to get out before the scars are too deep.
    Foxy459459's Avatar
    Foxy459459 Posts: 368, Reputation: 36
    Full Member

    Jul 30, 2007, 09:59 AM
    GIRLFRIEND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! That is something that you don't need. I was in a similar situation and it never gets better is only gets worse with those types of people. Call your mom and your family make things right. If there's one thing I have learned is that your boyfriends come and go but your family is always going to be there. Blood is always going to be thicker then water. You don't deserve to be treated like . And what the hell is he got 50,000 for? And tell him to give you back the money for that bed. Get out of there get a new job and go and meet great people that don't treat you like crap you deserve to be treated so much better then that! No one deserves that. I lived it for a long time and it takes so much out of you every day. Coming home and walking on egg shells it feels like just to avoid the next fight. Because you know the next one is going to be worse then the one before. Do yourself a favor you have no attachments with this guy right no kids? Get the hell out of there and work things out with your family I bet they will be the happiest thing to hear that you don't want anything to do with this guy. Because who's to say that he isn't going to start putting his hands on you next. Emosional abuse is worse then physical but they both REALLY REALLY SUCK!
    flow_girl's Avatar
    flow_girl Posts: 20, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 10, 2007, 06:38 PM
    Thanks everyone for your advice. In the last 6 weeks I moved in with him because we sorted out our differences. That's what he told me anyway. That he was sorry. I got a new job in a lawyes office and its fantastic. However, matt got fired and is just sitting at home drinking. Yesterday I lent him my car to find a job but alll he did was drive around and do nothing. Last night when I tried to raise the subject up with him, he started throwiong stuff at me. His never done that before. I started running down the street and he was chasing me. As I was ahead of him, I hid behind some bushes. When he couldn't find me, he went and got his bike. Then it started all again. Hwoever I was still on foot and he was on a bike. Some neighbours further down the street saw what was happening and help me get my car. With that I drove to my friends house. I haven't told her or my family what's happened. Its not that I'm upset, I'm not, but its too much of an effort to talk about it. I feel tired and drained and I don't want to spend more time talking about it. So at the moment I'm just at the library until I decide what to do.
    flow_girl's Avatar
    flow_girl Posts: 20, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 10, 2007, 06:45 PM
    What's funny is that I still think about him. Today is suppose to be our anniversary. I remember the times we've had together. The laughs, what we've done. Everything we've shared. But then there's last night. I don't know. Its all so strange to me this environment. His my first ever boyfriend, so I don't know how I'm suppose to act.
    Foxy459459's Avatar
    Foxy459459 Posts: 368, Reputation: 36
    Full Member

    Aug 10, 2007, 09:29 PM
    I know how you feel hunny I was in a relationship like once before and its so hard to think of all the bad times and focuse on all the good times. But one day you are going to wake up and relize that its just not a good situation that you need to be in, you deserve so much more. No girl in there right mind deserves to be treated like he is treating you. And its only going to get worse. They always say they are sorry, and they might be, but only for a moment because it happenes over and over again, just the abouse gets worse every time it happens. Mine started with a push, lead to a smack to a spit in the face to 2 black eyes, a broken nose and a trip to the hospital to get my mouth wired shut. You don't want that. Please stay away for your safety he is never going to change as much as you want to believe that he is going to. And as much as he says he is going to. Empty promises mean nothing when they are broken over and over again. It hurts so much, and I know how your heart is braking but believe me someday it will feel better and not all guys are like him. Learn to love yourself. One good song that has helped me through a lot of my agoney is "Stand" by rascal flatts it's a country song even if you don't like county music listen to the words it helped me and I think it can help you find the strangth to get back up and start moving forward... Good luck with you and if you ever need anyone to talk to just shoot me an e-mail...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    Aug 10, 2007, 09:41 PM
    His my first ever boyfriend, so I don't know how I'm suppose to act.
    Act in your own interest and get away from him as this will get much worse. It will be very hard and extremely difficult but you must put your safety first. Seek the help and support of your family and close friends to help you get away from him and notify the authorities for the assistance to document all his actions and get help from a professional to help you through this trying time. In the meantime don't believe anything he says or any promise he will make. I wish you the best.
    eljay1103's Avatar
    eljay1103 Posts: 146, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member

    Aug 10, 2007, 10:26 PM
    I hope that you get stregnth to get out... this man is going to bring you down to depression. Then when you get to that point its going to be even harder to step out... you will feel like you deserve it. I hope you do know you don't. Cheating can be very dangerous for your health you don't know if he's protecting himself and what he can be bringing home to you. By what you say it seems like you want to go forward in life and you can't do that with him... staying home with him won't pay the bills...

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