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    Lovelyjulie's Avatar
    Lovelyjulie Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 19, 2013, 01:17 PM
    9 yrs and can't stand him anymore, how do I leave?
    Been with hubby since I was 14, now 24. We will be together 10yrs in June. We just had our first baby 10months ago. He's always been a mean person, although there are some great days, but all the bad ones outweigh the good. I'm tired of hearing about every single thing that I do wrong in his eyes. If I happen to go to sleep late, I'm evilly yelled at to sleep on the couch and get out of the room. If I clean the whole house, there's no appreciation, only complaint about how I should've done better. There's so many things, I'm so used to being mad at him for being this way, I always call him a "B", because he B****es all day.

    He is so bipolar, always trying to be nice right after he just yelled at me for something or told me that I have a big head. It's weird. I don't have much love for a man like this. I want to be able to get excited to see my man after a long day of work, I want to run and jump in his arms and kiss him all over, but with this man, it's weird to do that to him, I don't feel the emotion if I do. It's no love. Although I want to leave, I start to feel sick, as if someone close to me died. Idk why it's not easy for me to leave. I don't know if its hard because I'm scared of being with a new guy or if it's that everything is in my name and I don't want to end up having bad credit or if its really a heartache.

    Any advice to be able to leave him? I always tell myself, once everything is paid off, I will leave everything to him and start fresh. I don't want anything that has to do with him. (We own a roofing business that I started up with his knowledge, but with my money and skills, I built it up to where it's at now, but when I became pregnant, he stepped up and now does everything, I just sit back and relax, kind of how he did for the first 4 years of the business) anyway, I just want to leave without feeling sad for him or feeling sick because it's something new. It's almost like a home sick feeling.

    Any advice anyone?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Jan 19, 2013, 01:30 PM
    Is it too late for couples counseling?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #3

    Jan 19, 2013, 01:32 PM
    Have you two tried counseling?
    Lovelyjulie's Avatar
    Lovelyjulie Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    Jan 19, 2013, 01:37 PM
    Well, we broke up about 3yrs ago for these same reasons. I do bible studying and I tried getting him to do study with us, topic being "family". He didn't want to. I left. When he knew I left, he called over my church ladies to do a "study" with me and him. I came over to the house, only to find out he arranged the "study" just to get them to convince me to stay! I left still, but he became very depressed and sick while I was gone for 3 months and he kept begging me back, so I felt bad, unfortunately and got back with him. Been a headache since. He was only good to me for about 2wks and went back to being his hateful self again. Now, I just pray for him to be a better person, but deep down I just don't even care if it works out now, I just want out.. I feel bad for being that way, but I just know there's no changing him. He's a very mean and hateful person with no patience for our daughter. I don't want her to also be mentally abused :(
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #5

    Jan 19, 2013, 04:16 PM
    You have been together since you were kids and you never really got out and experience life as in my opinion you should have. However if he is mean and nasty, I would not stay.
    I know other will have other advice and maybe better, but I don't advocate staying with someone who is just mean and nasty, especially if they see not point in being different and don't want help. Life is too short.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Jan 19, 2013, 05:28 PM
    You left before, you can do so again and repair your credit and your heart. If that's what you want.
    1BestFriend's Avatar
    1BestFriend Posts: 22, Reputation: 4
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    #7

    Jan 21, 2013, 11:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You left before, you can do so again and repair your credit and your heart. If thats what you want.
    I agree, and I also agree with Homegirl, above. If he really is just mean and nasty, and you want to leave, do it. Life is too short. You're still very young... and life is also too long to live that way for the rest of it. How miserable.

    And, yes, think about your daughter. How your husband treats you is how you are going to teach her to allow men to treat her - not to mention that if he's being impatient with her already, just wait until she gets into her terrible 2s and 3s. He can still be her Dad even if he's not your husband.

    Credit can be repaired. That should not be the reason that you stay. Be sure to see an attorney before you leave, and maybe a CPA. They might be able to help you avoid some of the things you're worried about.

    Good luck, girl.
    Lovelyjulie's Avatar
    Lovelyjulie Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Jan 24, 2013, 03:18 PM
    Thanks everyone! I have left him, going on 4 days now :) it isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I cried the first day n I still have loss of appetite as of now, but I'm still eating OK. I just hope that I don't ever feel sorry and bad for him and end up back with him. He's been "fishing" lately by telling me how my daughter is doing while she's with him and trying to show an improvement, but I try to ignore him and not converse with him and just thank him for the photos n leave it as that.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #9

    Jan 24, 2013, 04:39 PM
    Good for you. I wish you well.
    Lovelyjulie's Avatar
    Lovelyjulie Posts: 4, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #10

    Jan 25, 2013, 07:48 AM
    Thank you! I'm now just having to get through this home sick feeling :(
    FightingBlues's Avatar
    FightingBlues Posts: 78, Reputation: 21
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Jan 25, 2013, 10:51 AM
    Good for you for standing up for your rights and morals as a woman! I know this was not an easy choice because you had invested so much time in him, but at least you value yourself enough to walk away before he destroys the healthy and happy life you and your daughter both deserve. It is a good thing she is young enough to not form negative judgements about her father but I'm sure as she gets older, she will be able to appreciate your decision and realize that biologically related or not, he is not an exemplary role model to her and therefore, it is best that he is not a major influence in her life. I wish you and your daughter well!

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