Me and my X met at our first jobs when I was 24 and she was 22. She began chasing me at work and having her friends come to my desk to ask if I was interested in her. I always said no and I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. After about a month of this nonstop badgering of me, I gave in and we finally hooked up. We then started dating and it was great. I moved out of my parents house and moved into a house with a roommate. I found out very quickly that she was a little embarrassed of her family and never had me around them. After 2 years or so, she really had no place to live so she moved in with me. We never formally talked about it really but she slowly started moving her things in. After about a year after that, she had about everything she had moved in and we were living together with of course my roommate. She became friends with him like a brother and it was perfect.

Just so you know, we are from different cultures and different religions as well but we never really discussed it during the first 3 years of dating. We are not very religious so it never mattered. We have different political views as well. This stuff all started to bother her later on in the relationship when I was becoming more and more involved with her family. I know her family told her she could not get married by a priest and in a church so she was being pressured. She always said we are very different people. I always told her that I want someone different from me because it would be very boring with the same type of person. I am a very domesticated person, I cooked and cleaned for her all the time. She was really not that way but started to get better at it.

In year three, we both switched jobs and my employer closed their doors. I didn’t have a job for 4 months at that point but I was still being paid because of the way the company closed its doors. I was obviously very stressed and was crazy looking for a job and going on interviews. She has family in another country so she decided to go visit and I did not want to go because I really needed to be focusing on looking for a job for our future and not partying in another country. She did not understand and went with her friends and a few family members of hers. During this time we spoke to each other every night while she was away and she always said she missed me. During this time, I decided to look for an engagement ring. Her sisters helped me pick it out and I was ready to propose. She always left me pictures of a ring so I know she was ready. I planned it all out when she got back and when we were driving to the place where I was going to propose, she started talking weird like we might not be a good fit for each other. I was obviously very shocked and I stopped driving immediately. We talked for a minute and I then showed her the ring and she began crying and begging to just propose. It didn’t feel right so I couldn’t do it at that time. When we got back to my place, she had her friends come over and start to take all of her stuff out of the apartment. I obviously freaked out and she left.

In about 3 days, she came back mostly because her sisters talked to her and told her that life is not always peachy. There are rough times and you have to roll with them. She came back and resumed living our lives again. One of the main problems she had when she left was me not partying all the time. She wants to have a lot of fun in life and I am more of a home body. As I get older, I just got to a point where I wanted to settle down and have children with her which she always said to me too. I got a job with her family in law so I started becoming friends with her family members.

About 8 months goes by and she finds the ring in my room and proposes to me on one knee in our living room. I obviously couldn’t let her do that because I have my pride and that is the man’s job. She understood and we went on with our lives. I planned a weekend away at a place we loved to go away to and I was ready to propose again about 2 months later. During this time, for about 2 months, she did not have a job because she was focusing on school. She didn’t go to college before we met because her father passed away but I insisted that she go. She did and graduated. My parents had a grad party for her at their house. 2 months later and after a vacation away with me and my parents, she decides to stay at her sisters for a week to babysit their son. She did not come home at all and we didn’t speak a lot so I knew something was wrong. A week goes by and I get a text from her saying we need to talk. I got a bit scared and starting asking what the problem was. She texts me and says that we are not meant to be with each other. She doesn’t answer the phone after that, nothing. I find her at her parents’ house the next day to talk and she said she needed time to think.
I did for 2 days and got restless. She showed up at my house with her nephew that she was watching and they start to take all of her stuff out of the house. She didn’t want to talk though still, she typed a letter for me to read. I demanded that we speak after 4 years and she said that she does not love me anymore and the way she should to marry someone. I obviously freaked out and handed her the ring box to take because I was not going to give it to someone else. I called her but never got an answer until I found out that she was partying and not caring about what happened. She answered and we talked for 10 minutes or so and she said that she is having a lot of fun and it’s the right decision because she doesn’t love me anymore. I freaked out and told her off. We were moving out into my parents house which is a 2 family in October. We were ready to have our own place which I know she was very excited about.

She came back to the house for the rest of her things 2 days later and we spoke for 5 minutes. After 4 years, I had 5 minutes with her and that’s all. She cried because I was trying to be strong and I told her I loved her. She told me not to wait for her. We had a bunch of weddings to go to as well and she had just bought all the dresses for them and she was very excited. Then she leaves. Since that time which was about 2 months ago, I have texted, and called but have only received 1 response. She texted saying that it was not smart for us to talk now. And sorry. During that month, her familty told me she bought a new car and is moving in an apartment with some friends which she met through me. She also just got a new job too which I put all the resumes together for weeks before and basically was a result of me making her go back to school.

She is telling people she is happy now and is ignoring me. She apparently isn't upset about the relationship ending at all. At this point, because she broke up with over a letter and text and basically told everyone that she couldn’t wait to marry me a month before. I obviously want to speak at least because I know we meant more to her than what she is doing now but she is ignoring me like the plague.

If a girl proposes to you and then says she doesn’t love you anymore because we are too different after 4 years and begging to marry her, what the hell do I do. She won't talk to me anyway so I haven't tried to contact her at all for 2 weeks now.

I feel for you, this must be very difficult for you. I cannot speculate as to why she up and left the way she did, you could spend a lifetime trying to read another's mind.

At this point in time I think you need to accept what has happened and trust that things will happen the way they will happen. Far easier to say than do, although most here have been where you are and so we respond based on experience.

My g/f left after 5 1/2 years. Not quite like yours but similar in many ways. We did speak for 2 years after the beakup andmy intentions were always to show her how much I cared and wanted her back. Eventually I just stopped calling and have not heard from her since, tough thing to do, but the right thing to do.

You'll miss her, you'll curse life not being fair, but you will move on, whether with someone else or by yourself. I know a lot of friends said I'll meet someone new and better for me, well I have not met anyone like that since she left, going on 2 1/2 years, but I'm o.k and I like life just fine. Right now it seems impossibe but you will see in time.

Just let her be for now and let life run its course.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks, I just really thought I at least deserved a little respect for all I did for her in the relationship to just get up and leave and ignore me. If she really sat down and spoke to me, I would have probably been upset but given her time to do what she needed to do instead of trying to contact her after. Instead she ran away and has ignored me since. I am getting to a point that I don't think I would even answer the phone for her now because of how disrespectful she was to me. (by the way, she is telling people that the 5 minutes that we spoke was good enough and that she handled it good)

I agree with you. Spending that kind of time together deserves a little more than 5 minutes. However, her reasons and approach to the break up are, in her head, the best way she can cope. IT is selfish, but when matters of emotion and hurt are at stake I find most people are.

I feel with you man. My girlfriend of 5 years also kind of suddenly broke up with me, got on with her life and is out partying and being social only a week after we broke up, meanwhile I'm standing here devastated wondering what was going on in her mind while we were going out, when she was acting like everything was normal and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about the future and was making plans for trips and arragements for us to go to. Then bam, ignoring me completely. We too spoke for around 5 minutes where we both were crying but after this conversation she doesn't seem to want me in her life at all anymore. Five years together and she seems to get over me in 5 minutes. It hurts like hell.

I'm like you though, I prefer to stay at home, I guess I'm a hopeless romantic of sorts, whereas my girlfriend was always more interested in going out and partying all the time. It hurts me to think that she's probably living life without a care in the world right now while I'm an emotional mess personally. Anyway I'm no expert on the theme so I'm not going to give much advice, I'd just like you to know that you're not the only one experiencing similar things at the moment, although the pain feels like nobody could ever have experienced it before you.

Speculation is like waiting for a ride that will never come. You will never get to where you want to go waiting on someone else. Get out there and make things happen! While confusion is natural, you can't spend your whole life dwelling on what could have been, all you can do is focus on what is now.

I know the reason she left I guess but I also know that we were always able to talk things out and make them work because we both wanted a future together. Why would she propose to me with the ring I bought after she knew she made a mistake the first time and then begg for it afterwards, then leave and say she doesn't love me anymore? To me that's just nutty.

The opposite sex(both male and female) are nutty creatures. Feelings change for all types of reasons and we will never figure them out, better chance of solving Chinese math

4 years and a breakup

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me and my X met at our first jobs when I was 24 and she was 22. She began chasing me at work and having her friends come to my desk to ask if I was interested in her. I always said no and I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. After about a month of this nonstop badgering of me, I gave in and we finally hooked up. We then started dating and it was great. I moved out of my parents house and moved into a house with a roommate. I found out very quickly that she was a little embarrassed of her family and never had me around them. After 2 years or so, she really had no place to live so she moved in with me. We never formally talked about it really but she slowly started moving her things in. After about a year after that, she had about everything she had moved in and we were living together with of course my roommate. She became friends with him like a brother and it was perfect.

Just so you know, we are from different cultures and different religions as well but we never really discussed it during the first 3 years of dating. We are not very religious so it never mattered. We have different political views as well. This stuff all started to bother her later on in the relationship when I was becoming more and more involved with her family. I know her family told her she could not get married by a priest and in a church so she was being pressured. She always said we are very different people. I always told her that I want someone different from me because it would be very boring with the same type of person. I am a very domesticated person, I cooked and cleaned for her all the time. She was really not that way but started to get better at it.

In year three, we both switched jobs and my employer closed their doors. I didn’t have a job for 4 months at that point but I was still being paid because of the way the company closed its doors. I was obviously very stressed and was crazy looking for a job and going on interviews. She has family in another country so she decided to go visit and I did not want to go because I really needed to be focusing on looking for a job for our future and not partying in another country. She did not understand and went with her friends and a few family members of hers. During this time we spoke to each other every night while she was away and she always said she missed me. During this time, I decided to look for an engagement ring. Her sisters helped me pick it out and I was ready to propose. She always left me pictures of a ring so I know she was ready. I planned it all out when she got back and when we were driving to the place where I was going to propose, she started talking weird like we might not be a good fit for each other. I was obviously very shocked and I stopped driving immediately. We talked for a minute and I then showed her the ring and she began crying and begging to just propose. It didn’t feel right so I couldn’t do it at that time. When we got back to my place, she had her friends come over and start to take all of her stuff out of the apartment. I obviously freaked out and she left.

In about 3 days, she came back mostly because her sisters talked to her and told her that life is not always peachy. There are rough times and you have to roll with them. She came back and resumed living our lives again. One of the main problems she had when she left was me not partying all the time. She wants to have a lot of fun in life and I am more of a home body. As I get older, I just got to a point where I wanted to settle down and have children with her which she always said to me too. I got a job with her family in law so I started becoming friends with her family members.

About 8 months goes by and she finds the ring in my room and proposes to me on one knee in our living room. I obviously couldn’t let her do that because I have my pride and that is the man’s job. She understood and we went on with our lives. I planned a weekend away at a place we loved to go away to and I was ready to propose again about 2 months later. During this time, for about 2 months, she did not have a job because she was focusing on school. She didn’t go to college before we met because her father passed away but I insisted that she go. She did and graduated. My parents had a grad party for her at their house. 2 months later and after a vacation away with me and my parents, she decides to stay at her sisters for a week to babysit their son. She did not come home at all and we didn’t speak a lot so I knew something was wrong. A week goes by and I get a text from her saying we need to talk. I got a bit scared and starting asking what the problem was. She texts me and says that we are not meant to be with each other. She doesn’t answer the phone after that, nothing. I find her at her parents’ house the next day to talk and she said she needed time to think.
I did for 2 days and got restless. She showed up at my house with her nephew that she was watching and they start to take all of her stuff out of the house. She didn’t want to talk though still, she typed a letter for me to read. I demanded that we speak after 4 years and she said that she does not love me anymore and the way she should to marry someone. I obviously freaked out and handed her the ring box to take because I was not going to give it to someone else. I called her but never got an answer until I found out that she was partying and not caring about what happened. She answered and we talked for 10 minutes or so and she said that she is having a lot of fun and it’s the right decision because she doesn’t love me anymore. I freaked out and told her off. We were moving out into my parents house which is a 2 family in October. We were ready to have our own place which I know she was very excited about.

She came back to the house for the rest of her things 2 days later and we spoke for 5 minutes. After 4 years, I had 5 minutes with her and that’s all. She cried because I was trying to be strong and I told her I loved her. She told me not to wait for her. We had a bunch of weddings to go to as well and she had just bought all the dresses for them and she was very excited. Then she leaves. Since that time which was about 2 months ago, I have texted, and called but have only received 1 response. She texted saying that it was not smart for us to talk now. And sorry. During that month, her familty told me she bought a new car and is moving in an apartment with some friends which she met through me. She also just got a new job too which I put all the resumes together for weeks before and basically was a result of me making her go back to school.

She is telling people she is happy now and is ignoring me. She apparently isn't upset about the relationship ending at all. At this point, because she broke up with over a letter and text and basically told everyone that she couldn’t wait to marry me a month before. I obviously want to speak at least because I know we meant more to her than what she is doing now but she is ignoring me like the plague.

If a girl proposes to you and then says she doesn’t love you anymore because we are too different after 4 years and begging to marry her, what the hell do I do. She won't talk to me anyway so I haven't tried to contact her at all for 2 weeks now.

I understand but how do feelings change basically in 2 weeks time? I have emails from her a week before saying how much she loved me.

I'm not sure if this helps you to understand any better Lost4, but I gathered that from my girlfriends side, all the times she said she loved me, the trips we were planning and all the talk about moving in together we had right before she suddenly broke up with me was not much more than desperate attempts to make her feel like she loved me again. When this failed and she realized her feelings wouldn't change she turned her back on me and left.

At least that's what must be the reason as far as I can see in my case, it may be so in your case also, I don't know.

Yeah, well her proposing to me and apologizing for the first time she did this really seemed genuine. I mean, she begged to date me in the beginning and then begged to marry me.
To me, she is really confused in life and will fall to reality sooner or later. I just hope its sooner rather than later.

Basically me but 3 years instead of four. One day I'll die for you hour evrything to me next day like I don't exist.

Its unbelievable

I feel your pain, bro. Go NC ASAP, and move on with your life. It'll seem impossible at first because I thought it was. But, it's not and the best thing I ever started to do.

Also, people just don't break up with you randomly. While this may come off as harsh, she had been thinking about breaking up with you, and her feelings were changing for quite some time. You just didn't notice.

You know what you do. I think you should wait it out some more. If she really does care she'll come back. And if she doesn't come back then she doesn't come back. You can try and talk to her some more, but the best thing would probably be to just wait.

I have been. The first month I called and texted but I haven't in 2 weeks now because I received no answer. I would think that if she hasn't responded to me or checked in on me in 2 months now, she probably doesn't care anymore which is really hard to believe.

Yeah, I have gone NC and I know she must of thought about this right after she proposed to me. She thinks all of my friends relationships are perfect but she doesn't realize that none of them are. You need to work at any relationship to make it work.

By the way, none of her friends have any relationships at all. They are all single.

She may have believed the words she told you but her actions were obvious.

Spend no more time dwelling on her motives, or reasons , just deal, and cope, with your own feelings.

STRICT No Contact, and read the stickies in this forum and learn to heal, and get on with your life.

The other posters are right, its time to end the confusion, and get on with your life without her ghost haunting you.

Thanks, I really do wish there was a way to get her back but I'm not going to try, that would have to be her at this point obviously