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Misschris8101 · Feb 13, 2013, 11:25 AM

After almost 3 years together, and "step dad" to my 2 children, I was told on Monday night our relationship was a chore, he was no longer happy and did not want to be with me. I saw no signs of this, and when I pleaded with him to not do it and to work through it and I would do my part to fix what was wrong on my end, he wanted no part of it, and said that he didn't feel the same way anymore and told me to leave his house or he would. I feel betrayed, heart broken, and in a state of shock. I can't sleep, I have called into work 2 days in a row now, and I can hardly function. I have not eaten since Monday night and I feel like a zombie. I have had my heart broken but its different this time. I thought him and I were going to be together forever, as he stated to me several times during the relationship. My children absolutely adore him, and he can just walk away and ruin 3 lives without even trying to sort through anything first. I feel a part of me has died, and if it weren't for my children, I would not even want to live. I don't want to start over. He was supposed to be my future. I know time heals, but I feel like I can't do this. I really want him to give me a chance to work on us and I know what I need to work on. How do I cope with this? What do I tell my poor children?

joypulv · Feb 13, 2013, 11:34 AM

Most of us have been there. There is very little to do for the immediate grief except to talk, talk, talk to family and friends you trust the most - and to ask for help! Call, email, say you need them. That's what family and friends are for.
You haven't told us if you married him or not. We need to know. Also what country.
Don't stop working. Tell your employer and ask to work out a bit of sick or vacation time, but tell them.
Don't move. Let him leave. How old are the kids?
You should tell them together. You should discuss how you plan to tell them. You should have some sort of plan for who will go where and do what. You should work on finances, hard as it will be, because you MUST. Who provides support outside of your job? Does the bio father provide any? Do you need a smaller, cheaper place now? Handling this is more important than pleading with him. In fact, stay out of his hair while you get organized.

Misschris8101 · Feb 13, 2013, 11:52 AM

I am sorry I didn't prove a lot of details. I live in Las Vegas, and I know it sounds odd but we don't live together. He lives really close by, and on the nights I have the kids he would come to my house, and when I didn't I would go to his. We aren't married but we talked about it several times. My kids are 11 and 5, and their dad is in their lives and have joint custody.

I can't sit down with him and the kids because he wants nothing to do with me, and is ignoring me like I am nothing. My heart hurts for them because they love him, and he has been in my little ones life since she was 2. Also, another issue is he pays my car note and now I will not be able to afford that, and he is also driving a truck that is in my name, because he had bad credit and I helped him get it. Although I am not really focusing on that just yet as I am still in a state of shock, and in compete anguish that he could do this to me and the kids. If he had just told me he was unhappy and that he was thinking about doing this, I would have worked on things. I was blind sided and He has always made me feel he loved me and wanted to be with me forever.

proud young mom · Feb 13, 2013, 12:05 PM

Something you have to remember about men is that they are not like us in any way. A man doesn't open up about all his feeling as we do. I have been in you shoes
Except my son was only a few months old. I know its hard but you need to do your best to keep going on with your life for you kids be strong for them. But don't excuse yourself. Don't keep it all in. You need to have your time to cry or be mad. Let it out.confide in a friend but only one. Men don't like when you talk to friends about relationship problems but it always helps a woman to talk. To many friends can hurt you because you get to many answers and its confusing. Oh and let him calm down I'm sure he will see what he has lost so don't give up on him. As far as how to tell you I honestly have no idea. I wish I could help with that. I wish you luck and I hope everything works out for the best.

joypulv · Feb 13, 2013, 12:08 PM

'.. and told me to leave his house or he would.'
OH! You mean you were over at his house? Don't forget, we aren't there and don't know you and interpret every word as best we can.
You haven't mentioned FRIENDS. You need them. Where are they?
Your biggest job, now that the housing is OK, is to tell your 5 year old, alone. Just put her on your lap and tell her that he and you won't be seeing each other. She has her father and she has you. She'll survive if you are there for her a lot. Who takes care of her while you are at work?

JudyKayTee · Feb 13, 2013, 12:21 PM

Proudyoungmom, this is an unfair and I believe untrue statement: "Some thing you have to remember about men is that they are not like us in any way. A man doesn't open up about all his feeling as we do. I have been in you shoes"

They are not like us in any way?

This a generalization and would be no less incorrect if you posted "all women" or "all anything else." Men are not another species. Men are another sex.

I realize you have a small child (11 months old), apparently had a relationship that fell apart months ago and believe you might be pregnant, but that doesn't mean "all men" are losers.

proud young mom · Feb 13, 2013, 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Proudyoungmom, this is an unfair and I believe untrue statement: "Some thing you have to remember about men is that they are not like us in any way. A man doesn't open up about all his feeling as we do. I have been in you shoes"

They are not like us in any way?

This a generalization and would be no less incorrect if you posted "all women" or "all anything else." Men are not another species. Men are another sex.

I realize you have a small child (11 months old), apparently had a relationship that fell apart months ago and believe you might be pregnant, but that doesn't mean "all men" are losers.

I'm very sorry after I read that I see how it could be taken. What I was trying to say is most men are not AS open about their feelings. Again I'm sorry for that. And I would never say all men are losers. I am still with the father of my child and have been for 3 years. I'm just saying if someone has been together that long then they should try to work it out

JudyKayTee · Feb 13, 2013, 01:56 PM

Proudmom, no problem - I know I've posted something, read it the next day and either didn't know what I meant or thought, "Why did I post that?" Yours was somewhere in between!

Thanks for answering me.

proud young mom · Feb 13, 2013, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Proudmom, no problem - I know I've posted something, read it the next day and either didn't know what I meant or thought, "Why did I post that?" Yours was somewhere in between!

Thanks for answering me.

Thank you for bringing it to my attention much appreciated.