OK so here's the problem: My daughter has had a crush on this 21 year old guy for a while, but that's all I thought it was. Now he appears to like her as well, and I don't know what to do. Personally I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 29, so saying no because of the age difference just seems hypocritical. But at the same time, while my daughter does seem very mature for her age, and he has both a mature side and a fun side, she's still only 11. Please help me out. But please don't give biased opinions. My husband is a cop, and even he, while he knows the law, still is unsure how to handle the situation. The 21-year old seems very genuine in not being attracted sexually, it seems more along the lines of their personalities being an almost perfect match, minus the years of life experience that he has had. Also he is still a virgin, and plans on waiting until marriage to have sex. He says that it would be unfair for the person he marries to have waited for him, and him not have done the same. My husband and I both believe him, and everything he says seems to be valid. He seems like a nice guy, and I just don't want to end up making any mistakes here. So what do you guys think?

This is WRONG in so many ways.
What could an ADULT 21 year old possibly have in common with a 11 year old CHILD...

The differences in physical maturity levels are not the only things to consider, but emotional growth as well.
At least as a 17 year old you had more of an idea what you, as an individual, wanted in life.
An 11 year old has difficulty deciding on what they would like for dinner, or even to watch on television.
The gulf you are talking about here is insurmountable and should not be encouraged.

''He seems like a nice guy''?

Nice 21 year olds do n o t have relationships with eleven year old girls,never mind that children grow up.

Do not encourage this.

First I believe you are the child, since no mother worth being called a mother would not even consider this as a option.
And if they do, someone needs to call social services to protect the child from this sort of things.

From the legal side, you give him a written notice that he is not to contact or to get near your child. If he does file for a protective order in court.

From the normal side, have husband who is a cop, tell him that if he gets near the child, he will not live long enough to see tomorrow. ( most dads view point on pedophiles who come after their children.

Are you serious? When I read this post I was absolutely outraged. You are her mother and you have to decide or ask for advice at what you should do? First of all NO ADULT 21 YEAR OLD MALE should be dating an 11 year old child. That's the point. She's a child and he's an adult. This bast*** should have enough sense to know this is wrong or is he some pedophile. If I was in your position and she was my child I would forbid him to ev er see her again. How many times has he targeted nice young girls.

Second, how do you know he has not sexually been with your daughter? YOu are just going to blindly listen to everything this creep tells you? I know I'm being harsh with you but honestly, I find this absolutely unbelievable. Your husband is a cop? This relationship is ILLEGAL!!

Kiroshi67,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

Shocking for a mother to behold her 11 year old girl, dating a 17-year old and still somewhat favour of a relationship. I do not know what is the rule in the country, you live in, but in most of the countries, including India, it is illegal, immoral and illegitimate. So, teach and preach your child, else, you can yourself fall in trouble. As a cop, your husband knows it well, I believe.

For being a peadophile, the boy needs counselling and a bit of cinesure. How can you be sure, that he does not have sexual relationship, with your daughter? Whom do you believe? Do you think that your daughter will relish sex with him and will come and tell you, "mom, last night, we slept together, nude and with ...... with...." Looking goodie-goodie OR thinking goodie-goodie? Have you not heard - A goody-goody apple is often rotten at the core.

Have courage, boldness and wisdom to think and act aptly. Else, you will destroy your lovely dauther. I hope you will pardon us for being harsh, but one day, you will thank us, in the heart of your hearts!

There is a HUGE difference, from being 12 and dating a 21 year old, than from being 17 and dating a 29 year old. At least you have hit puberty for one, and you are not a pedofile. I would recommend if the 21 is dumb enough to try to get close, take him to court, restraining order, and if you see him 100 yards from her you call the cops and sent his to JAIL. This is wrong, do not doubt yourself... is it UNACCEPTABLE!

Moreover,

You are just looking at one side of the coin. Child's satisfaction, and their being goody-goody. What is happening behind the curtain is not known to you. I am bit harsh, but I would say that if you can't see what you see, how can you see, which happens behind the door.

Tell the boy your apprehensions! NO... he knows it. He must have been taking it as parents of girl are very soft, so this girl is a soft target....they are bloody fools, he must be telling his friends.

Why are my spidey senses tingling? The girl is 12 in the title but only 11 in the first post. How do the parents know the 21-year-old guy is a virgin and have such a good sense of him otherwise? He "has both a mature side and a fun side"?? What does THAT mean?

Who really wrote the question?

First of all I don't believe you are who you say you are, because no self respecting parent in America would let their 11 year old date ANYONE, let alone an adult, not out of guilt, shame, or poverty, unless they were idiots to begin with. No way does a cop father NOT know what to do, so I smell deception, and advise strict control over the 11 year old in question, until this stupid crush passes, or the cop father gets a few buddies together and mess up this pedophile preying on his daughter.

This fellow is not to be believed and the 11 year old cannot consent to a damn thing so act like a grown up parent and end this illegal activity and call the cops on the fool.

Recipe for Deception and Child Welfare

Ingredients:
1 x Delirious Mother
1 x Cop scratching his head
1 x very mature 11/12 year old Daughter with a crush
1 x seemingly valid 21 year old virgin nice guy

Method:
Take 1 x Delirious Mother who met her husband at 17 (over the age of contest) who is more concerned about appearing hypocritical to a very mature 11/12 year old Daughter with a crush!

Add 1 x simmering Cop scratching his head how to handle the situation; being careful not to bring to boil!

Mixed together with; he knows the law, still not sure and; I just don't want to end up making any mistakes here, excluding biased opinions!

Meanwhile separate very mature (under-age) Daughter; whom both parents believe in 1 x seemingly valid nice guy who's without sexual interest to further their almost perfect match in another 6/7years time!

Or separate Parents from Daughter for evaluation and or make this matter known to Child welfare! It appears to be a toxic blend made of deception and delirious parentage right and control.

Anyone permitting this mixture to spoil, that is, 1 x Delirious Mother and 1 x Cop who knows the law will be subject to the law, period!

I also don't believe you are the mother either. But there is one thing that hasn't been mentioned. How did this 11 yr old come in contact with this 21 yr old?

If you are the mother, you already made a big mistake, by not nipping this thing in the bud. Even allowing an 11 yr old to have a crush on a 21 yr old is wrong.

The problem is you and your husband if this is true. How does a cop not know what to do about this and how does a mother allow this?
Are you the kid or the nasty 21 year old pedophile?

!! What!!

You must be out of your mind to let your child date a grown up. She is not even a teenager! What's wrong with you! Don't you know how horny teenage boys are - and this is a 21-year old? Your daughter should be playing with dolls and focusing on school rather than dating grown men!

Mr. 21 year old is going to end up in jail soon mom. Many professionals are required by law to report that type (you know what I mean) relationship to law enforcement. And they will also be asking you questions about your knowledge about this relationship. You could end up without a daughter. This is serious stuff... treat it as such.

My daughter is this age and let me tell you, I wouldn't be on any website asking how to handle this fairly so I don't portray a double standard to her.

First, I would make sure that she understands that this crush is wrong.

Second, I would make double sure that this pedophile piece of trash understands that this is wrong and why.

Oh... but he's a virgin and has only good intentions... How the hell do you know he's a virgin? Does that really matter anyway?

This has to be the stupidest, most aggravating post I have ever seen here... I seriously hope that this is just a troll or at least not really the parent. I mean really, what kind of idiot would a parent have to be to actually have to ask for advice on this? The only advice I'd be needing to ask for in this situation is legal advice after I took care of the problem.

I think we have trashed the 21 year old about as much as we can. I am going to close this, before lines are crossed too far on insults

I was thinking of doing the same. I hesitated only in case the OP wants to return and explain herself better. If that happens she can post a new question and we will merge them and reopen this.