I met him when I was 19. He was 20. We knew each other our whole lives through family friends but never interacted. We were both away at different colleges when we met. We found each other through Facebook. Talked on MSN for a couple months - he was really nice and genuinely sweet. I didn't have feelings for him during the time we chatted. We started talking on the phone when school was over. We talked everyday for hours. I started really liking him. We became a couple after 6 months of talking. He was amazingly good looking, fire fighter, tall and highly motivated. He lived in a small town about an hour and a half away from me. I lived in the city. We had two completely different lives but had a lot in common. He was my first everything. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, we both had sex for the first time with each other. He told me he loved me first. I didn't know what love was. I had him wrapped around my finger. He was crazy in love with me. After about six months into our relationship things started changing. He was distant. Not answering his phone and not returning my phone calls or e-mails. Didn't call me on Christmas. Two days after Christmas he appeared online on MSN. He told me he didn't feel the same way about me anymore and that he has a lot of opportunities coming his way. He was very confused and kept telling me that I was an awesome girlfriend. The best ever. He really didn't have any good excuse for doing this. He broke up with me over MSN. I was devastated. Never felt this feeling before. I fell so hard. I now knew what love is. I was broken for a long time. I never realized how hard breaking up was. It was so foreign to me. New years day we met up and broke up with me face to face. I never cry, ever. That night I cried so hard, harder than I knew I could. When we were dating, we made these Christmas decorations together and hung them on his tree. I told him if he were to break up with me, that he would look at these decorations and miss me. That was the Christmas he broke up with me. A year later Christmas rolls by. He changes his Facebook display picture to a picture of him and I. He tried talking to me on MSN wanting to meet up. At the time I wanted nothing to do with it and remembered what I said to him about those decorations and knew he was missing me. Over the past two years we have bumped into each other a couple of times at random bars. It was so awkward each time. I think about him every single day. Two years have gone by and I still think about him every single day. I miss him every single day. I feel that I am ready to see him without having any intention on discussing or hoping about rebuilding a relationship. I want to see what he is like now. I want to see how much he has changed. I don't need closure any more. Because I know he really doesn't know why he broke up with me. I am just completely confused on why I still can't get him out of my head. And I want to know if its okay to meet up with him. I want to know if deep down inside on my lonely days when I think about him, is it okay to want to get back together with him?

You're kidding yourself if you think that you've over him. Seeing him will just cause you intolerable hurt by reviving all the old pain.

The wound is nearly healed (it does take time, he was your first love), why do you want to tear the scab off again?

Leave him alone. You're not ready to see him.. focus on healing.

He was and always will be your first love. Now for the rest of your life, you will think of him often. I think of my first love to this day, and that was almost 8 years ago. I can think of him and smile, or laugh, or be reminded of how much he meant to me... but then I bring myself back to reality and realize that the "what if's?" do not matter anymore. I am now married and my husband means the world to me and I wouldn't trade him for my first love on any day of the year! Occasionally I see my first love around town, and yes my heart skips a beat and all those old feelings come back... that is until I see my second love. The man that I married and will spend the rest of my life with. My first love was just a test of how I would handle certain situations... and my second love is my life!
My point here is that whether it be 2 years or 40 years later... u will NEVER forget your first love. You need to move on and live your own life as if to say, "look what you missed out on, because I am doing just fine without you."

You're a great romantic writer, you really are, but I wouldn't go back, because you should be going forward.

Can you believe even I think about my first love, and its been (Oh Gosh) more than 40 freaking years.

Keep your fantasy to yourself, as you have seen him around, and nothing has happened, so it probably won't.

I agree we all do.