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    whitemateria's Avatar
    whitemateria Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Oct 14, 2007, 09:22 PM
    Thesis statement: Cosmetic surgery
    I just wanted to know what everyone thought about my thesis statement on cosmetic surgery. I am writing a persuasive essay and I'm not for surgery so I'm trying to persuade others to see my point of veiw. So, I was wondering; does it need improvement or should I leave it be?

    Here it is...

    "Cosmetic surgery continues to become a solution to dealing with larger issues like low self esteem and depression; instead surgery itself has become an issue."
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
    		  
    #2

    Oct 14, 2007, 09:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by whitemateria
    "Cosmetic surgery continues to become a solution to dealing with larger issues like low self esteem and depression; instead surgery itself has become an issue."
    How about avoiding the semicolon by saying it this way:

    "Instead of being the solution to larger issues like low self-esteem and depression, cosmetic surgery has become the issue."
    whitemateria's Avatar
    whitemateria Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #3

    Oct 14, 2007, 10:01 PM
    You know... you do have a point. -_- I didn't even think about writing it that way.

    I appreciate your reply, thank you. :)
    bri6252's Avatar
    bri6252 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 9, 2009, 09:37 AM
    That's good i'm going too steal it hahahahahahah
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #5

    Sep 17, 2009, 11:42 PM
    Thread is now very old and should be closed.

    Thanks!
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