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rougerose · Feb 10, 2006, 05:22 PM

I've been married to my husband for almost 29 years. We have nothing in common anymore. We never spend any time together. We never have sex. He won't hold down a steady job. And he won't talk about any of this with me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of trying. I'm so tired of being unhappy. I feel like I'm already living alone, so I might as well really be alone and at least maybe a little happier. I just don't know anymore. Any advice for me?

talaniman · Feb 10, 2006, 05:26 PM

Do you work ?do you have children?

nwsflash · Feb 10, 2006, 05:28 PM

Advice speak to your husband and lay your cards down on the table, tell him 100% the way your feeling and for both of you if things don't change your leaving... Why are thing so bad at this time??

Fr_Chuck · Feb 10, 2006, 07:01 PM

You should demand marriage counseling, it can help.

If he will not go, ( be direct with him) give him a chance, and try a trial separation, many men will decide to start talking or go to counseling on about the 3rd day of separation. Or when they start running out of clean clothers and food in the fridge.

talaniman · Feb 10, 2006, 08:28 PM

If you have no kids and work why would you just set up looking at him anyway? When my kids left about 10 years ago and the house was quiet my wife of more than 30 years now had to make a decision,what to do now?We both busted out laughing cause the answer was anything we want! Take the opportunity to do all the things you never had time to do and enjoy yourself .If your husband wants to be a couch potato let him ,you go out and have some fun for a change,haven't you earned this time and with nobody else to spend your money on ,spend it on yourself, find new and interesting friends and have a ball.I suspect with no one to fix his dinner or wash his cloths he'll figure it out if not so what, this is your time before them grand kids come around so don't waste time on anybody who can't keep up.The money you spend on a marriage counselor would go for a nice make-over or wardrobe or how about a cruise with the kids.I can think of a million things to do with your money and my time, and have big fun!:cool:

talaniman · Feb 11, 2006, 01:48 AM

Its never easy to wake up and realize that the kids are grown and its just you two at home especially as your both a little older. When it hit me I was ready to make a change and do something besides what I'd been doing.Tho I had no regrets about the 30 years I spent in the steel mills of Indiana,it wasn't what I had in mind for the rest of my life,and after doing for everyone else for so long I was really ready to do something for myself.So after retirement and moving from the cold *** north to the heat of Texas I'll admit that work was the last thing on my mind,so you talk about nothing ,but party time and bounce grand babies on my belly-welly (Texas bar-b-q will do that,make your belly very welly) The best vacation I've ever had in my life and you know what,I earned it! So I tell you to do the same because it is quite obvious that now that you've worked hard its time for you to take that vacation you earned and take the time to figure out what YOU want to do with the rest of your life! Sorry for all the words but I thought it was important and I wish you luck (hurry before those grans pop into your life, play time is over then!):cool:

fredg · Feb 11, 2006, 07:13 AM

Hi, Rougerose,
Thank you for posting a question here, and Welcome to the site.
I am 64 yrs old, married first time for 7 yrs, got divorced, and now married to a wonderful woman for 29 yrs.
I am so sorry to read this, but you have taken the first step in asking others' opinions... that is a good sign that you want to have a better life.
Others have answered and mentioned Marriage Counseling. If he will not go with you to have counseling, talking about issues with another person, and looking for ways to change this marriage, then it's up to you alone.
There are two things I can suggest. Do you work? Do you have a "life" outside the home? Part-time work always helps with being around other people. Just a thought.
If you are completely unhappy as you say, then maybe think about seeing a lawyer, and having Separation Papers drawn up. Even if you don't go through with it, the "shock" to your husband might wake him up. If not, then maybe living alone, legally separated from each other, will determine if he and you, want to stay married.
Of course, it's your decision, and I do wish you the very best. Sometimes, we have to take "controll" of a situation, make things seem worse for the moment, in order for them to get better.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 11, 2006, 10:47 AM

Twenty nine year is a long time. You go threw ups and downs but you both need to be committed always. To death do you part. You know what communication needs to start happening. You need to just talk to each other and some Godly counsel would be important. Does your husband know how you feel? You need to talk to him and he needs to listen and visa versa. This is just an opinion but Communication is not, IT IS A MUST. Without communication you will always have problems.

Joe

tobeamiss · May 26, 2007, 08:27 PM

I'm also asking if your husband knows just how you feel. If he doesn't, then it's not fair to him. But if he does know and couldn't care less, well then definitely take the initiative to start doing the things that you like to do, or the things you've been putting off for way too long. The important thing right now is to do something that's going to make you happy. Not necessarily to move out right away, but start having some fun. He might see how awsome you're doing and want to change just to be with you. It's easier to be with someone who's happy than someone who walks around acting like they just want out of the situation. He might change right along with you. Hope I made some kind of sense.