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    sarah1989's Avatar
    sarah1989 Posts: 154, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Oct 8, 2007, 03:35 PM
    Any Regrets About going through with it?
    This is a question I need to ask for my friend.
    She found out yesterday that she is pregnant she's not sure how
    Far yet but she is so shocked and doent know what to do.
    She is only 18 and has her life ahead of her. She is in her 1st or 2nd
    Year apprenticship in hairdressing and with her having a baby she won't be able to get her full dertificate.
    Having that said she a really out going girl loves to have a few drinks go out and party.
    But I know if she has this baby she'll be a really good mum.
    A question from the both of us.
    All you young mums out there when you fell pregnant did you regret it?
    How many of you had an abortion and really regret it now?
    How many of you kept your child and are now happy parents?
    Or how many went through with the pregnancy and regret it now?
    She really needs help on what to do. I've told her its really her choice but she needs
    A second opinion..
    If anyone has been through the same situation your advise is greatly appresiated...
    Thank you
    Sarah x
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #2

    Oct 8, 2007, 03:40 PM
    Sarah,
    Until someone gives their views and/or experiences here is something you could read
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ight=abortions
    stormey44's Avatar
    stormey44 Posts: 380, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Oct 8, 2007, 03:53 PM
    Hey just want to say that I had a baby at 16 and he is now 3 and I love him with everything I got and I wouldn't change it for the world because he is my world it was hard but I did it
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #4

    Oct 8, 2007, 04:03 PM
    I had a baby at 17, and placed her for adoption.

    Dealing with the scars from that, even though I willing chose adoption, has haunted every other area of my life since then.

    I do not regret giving my child a great family, and don't regret choosing adoption--but it still hurts that I never see her, and it still kills me to see other moms holding their children when I'll never hold mine.

    No matter what she chooses, she'll be losing something. She has to decide for HERSELF what the worth of what she'd be gaining is worth compared to the losses.
    Becca1025's Avatar
    Becca1025 Posts: 422, Reputation: 45
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    #5

    Oct 8, 2007, 04:46 PM
    I am 19 and found out I was pregnant in April. My fiancé and I are full time college students and living together. We knew what we were risking moving in together and having sex, and we had talked about the "what if" possibility constantly. The "what if" turned to "what now." When we found out, we were so happy. We couldn't stop smiling. Eventually as time went on I started stressing about everything, thinking to myself are we too young? Are we doing the right thing? Am I going to be a good mother? Especially when I would get negative comments from people because it is considered teen pregnancy. But with the help of family, friends, and each other we've learned to ignore those ignorant people and realize it doesn't matter what they say or think, we are having a baby! When we told our mom's I was so scared. They live three hours away and we were going to visit them for Mother's Day. Well I cried the whole way there. I thought they were going to be so disappointed in us and upset with us, I didn't know how to handle it. As soon as I saw them, I just started crying and they knew something was wrong, but they did not yell or scream, they hugged us, they cried, and told us how thrilled they are too. The rest of our families reacted the same way. Well now I am 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We are still in college. Why won't your friend be able to get her certificate? Just because she is pregnant does not mean her life is being thrown away. Of course she had different plans for herself, but having a baby does not mean she has to throw her goals away. It just means she now has new goals to go with her old ones. Today there are so many options for students who have babies, so much financial help she can get, everything. It's really upsetting when I hear about people being pregnant and they think their life is over. Having a baby is not a curse, picking a different route in life doesn't mean it's for the worse. There has never been a day go by that I have ever regretted keeping this baby.
    macksmom's Avatar
    macksmom Posts: 1,787, Reputation: 152
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    #6

    Oct 8, 2007, 04:47 PM
    I got pregnant at 18... I was on birth control pills.
    I had just got out of high school and was in my first year of college.

    I am strongly against abortion, so that was a big decision maker for me. That aside, I have always felt... if you are making the decision to have sex you should be ready to accept any and all things that can come from sex... namely, a child.

    I had a little girl a few months after I turned 19. She is now 5, almost 6. I have been a single parent since the day she was born, up until a few months ago when I got married. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Yes, it was hard not being able to go out all the time, and when I turned 21 I couldn't go out and get smashed... I had someone else to think about other than myself.

    Having a child doesn't end everything... if she is willing to work for it. Most young moms give up on themselves. I didn't. I went to night school and became a certified medical assistant, and now I am close to finishing college. Yeah, it takes a bit longer because you have to work out your school schedule around your child... but it's worth it. I could only go part time... a few classes each semester... but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    When you hear your child say "I love you"... when you feel their tiny arms around you... when you simply look at them, you can't think of your life without them.
    sarah1989's Avatar
    sarah1989 Posts: 154, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Oct 9, 2007, 06:39 PM
    Does any one have any other imformation they can give me?
    Thank you all that have responded it has been a big help
    ashybaby87's Avatar
    ashybaby87 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 9, 2007, 10:50 PM
    I'm 20 & I first got pregnant when I was 19. I'm due February 4, 2008 with my baby girl. I am also a single mother. The father JUST recently started to come around but he's not very reliable so I'm not even counting him until he actually gets a job & starts helping out with these medical bills! It's really hard plus a very bad financial situation. But I wouldn't give my child up for anything in the world no matter how hard it is. I believe everything happens for a reason.
    cerisa's Avatar
    cerisa Posts: 247, Reputation: 71
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    #9

    Oct 10, 2007, 09:57 AM
    Sarah, she has to decide for herself as we all do. If she has her baby, she will have more responsibilities, sure, but babies do not destroy all the ambition in you. If you have goals, make adjustments and keep them. Take it one step at a time.
    Looking at the big picture can be intimidating, but break it down into manageable pieces, and you will find it easier.
    Babies are infants only a short time, all too soon they are off to preschool, or kindergarten.
    When you are young, it may seem like forever, but it is so little time.
    I had my children young, I worked and went to school. I have no regrets.
    sarah1989's Avatar
    sarah1989 Posts: 154, Reputation: 0
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Oct 11, 2007, 02:58 PM
    Thank you all for your advise...
    But has any one thought they would really regret it but then found out it was the best
    Thing that's happened to you?
    veronica459's Avatar
    veronica459 Posts: 16, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #11

    Oct 12, 2007, 03:15 AM
    My son is the best thing I never knew I always wanted.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #12

    Oct 12, 2007, 09:44 AM
    Sarah... no matter what choice is made, there are regrets.

    In order to move on with your life, though, the regrets have to be fewer than the joys.

    I regret not seeing my child grow up, I don't regret having a chance to go to school, go partying, move across the country on a whim, not be tied down with a child through my young adult life. Don't get me wrong--I've also had issues relation to the adoption, with commitment issues, and lack of sympathy for people who whine about the situation their own choices puts them in, etc.

    My sister regrets that she never got to do any of the things I did, but wouldn't trade her child for that for anything.

    My friend who had an abortion regrets it because it was the only pregnancy she'll ever have, now that she's 45. She doesn't regret it at the same time--because she was being horribly abused by her spouse at the time, and would never have brought a child into that same situation.

    When it comes to kids, there will ALWAYS be regrets, no matter what you choose.
    alkalineangel's Avatar
    alkalineangel Posts: 2,391, Reputation: 323
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    #13

    Oct 13, 2007, 09:06 PM
    I agree fully with Synnen. I had my first when I was 20. I lost most of my younger partying days, but I still finished shools and kept in contact with my friends. My son is 4 now. Sometimes I do miss the traveling and what not, but I love my son so much, I can never regret it.
    hmcglynn's Avatar
    hmcglynn Posts: 31, Reputation: 7
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    #14

    Oct 13, 2007, 10:41 PM
    It sounds like to me your friend wants other people Besides herself to say its okay to have an abortion... I'm sorry but I'm 23 with an 11 week old and I wouldn't have done anything different... but she wasn't an accident either I love children I was scared about the thought of going through the pregnancy lol I'm a wimpy but it was awesome and I hope to have number 2 in a fews years.
    My mother had 3 kids in 36 months and still went to school and finished her dream anything is possible... Depending on what you do for your cosmo classes you might not be able to participate in dying hair because of the fumes but otherwise you should be fine to finish.

    I think you need to sit back and think what you want. Maybe even write your pro and cons on having the baby and not having the baby. I think if you have an abortion you will always feel the sadness of knowing you lost something that you created. OMG this is rough to talk about when you have a little one yourself. I just can't imagine life witout her... she can't talk but can can smile she knows her mommy and daddy it just the most wonderful thing in the world to me
    njmommy's Avatar
    njmommy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #15

    Apr 11, 2011, 11:40 PM
    I understand what she is going through. When I was 19, my boyfriend (husband now) and I got pregnant and decided to go through with an abortion. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do because I too was a hairdresser and young and knew that I couldn't support the child. A couple of years later I got pregnant again (22 years old) and was very happy because I felt like I had a void in my life after the abortion. We had a beautiful baby girl! Being a stylist is the best job for a mommy. You can pick your hours to work and it's a job that you can find anywhere. If I were her I wouldn't worry about that.
    I did have a tough time accepting the fact that I wasn't going out and being a typical 22 year old though. Don't worry about that either, you find time and with enough support you can still go out and get to do what normal adults your age do.
    When our daughter turned 4, we got married and 2 years later we had our son. Being a little older and wiser that time around made me realize how much easier it really was to be a younger mom when I had my daughter! It definitely had its perks! You have more energy and your body goes back quickly.
    Our son is about to turn 4 this week and I just found out tonight that I am pregnant with our 3rd child. There is 10 years difference between our first and now this baby. I am going to admit that I am a feeling a little regret. Knowing that our son is going into his last year of preschool had me doing jumping jacks! I couldn't wait to get back to my career when he went off to Kindergarten! Now I'm at it again. My husband is thrilled but I am not. I had a very bad delivery with our son and we both almost died. I had a placental abruption and the odds of myself having another are pretty great.
    What you should know is that at no matter what age, you are never ready for what is about to change your life. I have to accept the fact that I am pregnant, I can do it! I did it before and I can do it again.
    Good luck and keep your chin up!
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #16

    Apr 12, 2011, 05:13 AM

    Considering that the child in question is probably three years old now---this thread is closed.

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