[auttom]

Moved to its own thread

I'm in love with a 22 yr old and in February I will be 17. He is 22. We broke up because his mom hates me and I would be very heart broken if he went to jail because of me. He graduated high school but he hasn't gotten any college. In our relationship he was more like the 16 yr old and me more like the 22 yr old. We were great together, however.. other people didn't seem to think so. I love him and I want to be with him when I turn 17. I know it isn't exactally safe. But I don't know if I can wait until I'm 18. I already know what I want to do with my life, and I am a lot more mature then most 16 yr old girls. I'm practacally a mother to my 7 yr old brother. My mom walked out on him and my dad and I. is it really so wrong? I mean this guy doesn't have a job due to a physicall disability. I know what I want from life, and I have it all planned out. Should I really wait until I'm 18? We have already had sex, though a no sex relationship isn't out of the question.

[Ilike]

Yes... it is wrong. You should be dating people your own age (under 18). He should be dating people over 18. If you were my daughter you would be grounded until you were 18. Good luck!

[Vaskania_Mataki]

Honestly, you can get in trouble for having sex with a minor who is under the age of 18, I'm not sure if it differentiates from state to state but in Michigan I know for a fact you can. Its called statutory rape if there is a sexual relationship between you too he could get in a lot of trouble, even with consenting parents. I dated younger women when I was 19 or 20ish and I know it may seem like your in love but my advice would be to wait, because if you are in love he's not going to go anywhere anytime soon, I've had quite a few relationships ranging from a month to over 5 years and when a older guy gets involved with a younger female who is still in high school it usually does involve sex and it's a pain to try to keep it from a parent(especially one who frowns upon you) from contacting law enforcement as a means of a "threat", like say for example your father catches you one day or his house gets busted for drugs (ha-ha sorry that's just a example) or what ever the reasoning behind it, if you were caught having sex HE WOULD GO TO JAIL no question about it, I went through trying to keep a relationship like that one time and it was not fun. I'm not trying to be Mr. lecturer but When your in high school and haven't really experienced the "real" world when your living on your own or with that special person it's a little different then what you think it will be in high school. Flings come and go trust me. Like I said if you really do love each other; Wait.

[J_9]

So, what you actually want to know is if it's legal for a 16 year old to be with a 22 year old, since you aren't 17 yet.

Laws vary by location, so knowing your location would be important.

Oh, and do you have any idea how many times a day we hear how mature a teen is? Believe me, when you are 32 and look back at this post, you will realize just how mature you aren't.

[Jake2008]

It seems that if you have your life all planned out, you will have to make consessions for a physically handicapped boyfriend. With you being so young, dating an adult, regardless of how mature you are, will do nothing but hold you back.

If your plans are to graduate high school, attend college, and forge a better path than the one you came from, why would you want to add the problems of someone else in your life, who does not have the same goals and drive that you do. That is regardless of his physical handicap. I presume that he has done little since high school, still lives at home, and is reliant upon his mother for support and a roof over his head.

You say you broke up because his mother hates you. I presume that his mother has a great deal of influence over what her son does, right down to who he dates. If you were in your early 20's, would you expect that a parent would be so involved in who you date?
If you decide to become involved with him again, you will also be involved with his mother.

And most likely a 22 year old having a sexual relationship with a 16 year old would land him in a lot of hot water. Likely the mother thinks you are getting her son in trouble, or potential trouble.

Think too about what you have in common with him. You don't mention that he has plans to attend college, or even that he's working. Why would you limit yourself to such a small world, when what you have available to you in your very near future is limitless.

Try to think of yourself first, and what is right for you. It is okay to set goals, and achieve them, on your own. To limit yourself because of an inappropriate relationship with an underachieving adult who doesn't seem to be going anywhere, will only hold you back.

And when that happens, the next thing you know, you'll be 22, and wondering why you let somebody steal away the most important years of your life.

[Cat1864]

auttom, if you are truly as mature as I think you are in most aspects of your life, please listen with an open mind.

The legal part of your question depends on the laws where you live and may include more factors than just age. If your father is against the relationship, then there are other laws that might be applicable.

His mother has her own reasons for not liking the relationship. He has his own reasons for listening to his mother. That is his issue that he has to deal with. When it comes down to it, you are only a small part of that battle.

You are not quite 17 and have had the weight of the world shoved onto your shoulders. You shouldn't have to be a mother to your brother. You shouldn't have to be a parent in any respect to your brother. But you seem to be taking on the job. I am hoping that you are keeping up with schooling and can keep up with your plan for the future.

You need outlets from the stress. It should be doing things you enjoy that help you relax and feel good about yourself. It should not be having a sexual relationship that could result in a pregnancy (No form of contraception is 100% effective.) that could change every plan you have ever made. If his physical disability is due to a birth defect, then you have to think about that in having a child. I don't think you are as emotionally stable to make that decision as you want to believe you are.

I think you need to take time to look at the full picture. Do you really love him as much as you are trying to convince yourself you do or are you in love with the idea of having someone love you? Are you clinging to this relationship because it seems more stable than what you have known in your life?

I will let you know that emotional security comes from within.

[Daisy1234]

If you love him follow your heart despite of what everyone else has to say. If he really loves you he would want you to finish school and have a good career . Do what's best for you,

[Daisy1234]

If you love this person follow your heart despite what anyone else have to say. Cause if you lived off what everyone else say's you'd go insane. Lol but in all seriousness follow your heart and pursue your dreams and ambitions. Live life to the fullest extint . Just be careful on what you do and say to certain people.

[JudyKayTee]

If one of the parties is underage both people can follow their heart straight to jail.

You have given foolish advice on an adult board.