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Teaching · Mar 9, 2007, 11:19 AM

I was reading this quote from self improvement with 18 Personal development programs., can you forgive others?

How do we forgive when we’re angry and hurt?

As a first step, we can be willing to truly feel our anger and hurt. Honouring our feelings by being fully present with them helps to release the feelings themselves.

And it helps to remember that people only hurt others when they themselves are in pain. When we can recognize the other person’s suffering, our heart can open in compassion. We can also remember that at some time or another, we too have hurt someone through our own unskilful action. Only love can heal the rifts caused by a hurtful deed. Forgiveness holds immense power because it mends separation. It moves us towards the unity and love that lie at the core of our being. It is a fundamental part of the healing process.

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tinsign · Mar 9, 2007, 11:25 AM

Yes a lot of times that quote is true ,but there are also times where the hurt, damage, and malicous callousness of others can't just be forgiven with imbracing the hurt and damage down to the victim.

Teaching · Mar 9, 2007, 11:29 AM

True, however I think in not forgiving "we only hurt ourselves", don't you think?

tinsign · Mar 9, 2007, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by Teaching

True, however I think in not forgiving "we only hurt ourselves", don't you think?

I feel it truly depends on what was done, now if someone had attacked my family and did serious harm to them then no I would not forgive.
I could not forgive someone if they killed my loved ones in that aspect I just could not accept that and be forgiving.

Teaching · Mar 9, 2007, 11:45 AM

I think you are right - it really depends on what is being done

chuff · Mar 24, 2007, 06:23 PM

I think you have to have a forgive but never forget mentality. I've had a lot of bad things done to me both accidentally and with direct purpose in hurting me. Some by my own family members. I used to carry around a lot of that but eventually I started thinking to myself "I'm only going to be here for 70 to 100 years and carrying around the problems and situations that you had no control over is not going to help you." If they ever come up I just would tell myself that. It's worked for years now. I would never forgive what's has been said or done to me but I'm not going to waste my life worrying about the faults and failures of others and their attempts to imprint their problems onto me.

kristynn · Mar 24, 2007, 08:09 PM

I can forgive, but I cannot forget. :rolleyes:

kristynn · Mar 24, 2007, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by Teaching

True, however I think in not forgiving "we only hurt ourselves", don't you think?

I agree! Being able to forgive is great. It is a gift we make to ourselves. Forgiveness means turning something into neutral and bringing peace within ourselves.

Still, it's not ALWAYS possible to forgive, right?

Allheart · Mar 25, 2007, 02:19 AM

Forgivenesss of others, is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Huh? Yup. It frees you from all that internal strain caused by holding on to the wrong that was done to you.

It does not mean you have to go out dancing with the person who has wronged you. It all depends on the circumstanses.

I always tell my sisters, you no longer are in that situation, by you holding on to it, you are allowing all that hurt done to you, to continue. You are victimizing yourself once again.
Love yourself enough to free yourself from that pain.

For some very odd reason, I find it so easy to forgive. It's not something that I decide, it just happens within me. I start to feel sorry for the person who was unkind to me. It's something that happens with me, pretty much automatically. But as I got older, I learned, yes, to continue to forgive, but not to go back for more. I choose very carfully who can play in my sandbox :).

As far as someone hurting someone I care about, someone I love - Different thread and way different Allheart :D

Another great contribution Teaching :)

Beverly Novak · Mar 31, 2007, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by Teaching

I was reading this quote from self improvement with 18 Personal development programs., can you forgive others?

How do we forgive when we’re angry and hurt?

As a first step, we can be willing to truly feel our anger and hurt. Honouring our feelings by being fully present with them helps to release the feelings themselves.

And it helps to remember that people only hurt others when they themselves are in pain. When we can recognize the other person’s suffering, our heart can open in compassion. We can also remember that at some time or another, we too have hurt someone through our own unskilful action. Only love can heal the rifts caused by a hurtful deed. Forgiveness holds immense power because it mends separation. It moves us towards the unity and love that lie at the core of our being. It is a fundamental part of the healing process.

.

We forgive because it is Gods will. The Bible says we must forgive to be forgiven.

emilylips · Mar 31, 2007, 02:59 PM

It truly depends on the situation and if it has happened before by the same person. At some point you have to decide if forgiving the same behavior over and over is really going to be beneficial to you as a person, or if it is just being foolish. The first time I can forgive ,if it happens again I can write you off. I will never forget.