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    Kinghat's Avatar
    Kinghat Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 4, 2007, 04:55 AM
    Super Shy in a Super Social environment
    I am an 18 year old, Canadian Boy
    My problem is that I am a very shy person when it comes to speaking with adults, strangers, authorities, and for the most part all girls. The type of people I surround myself with are the so called popular group. Having all my friends in the popular group leaves little room for low self esteem, which I have plenty of. I am slightly overweight, and occasionally do drink alcohol. The problem I have is that whenever I'm at a social event and there are girls attending or guys I've never talked to before, I usually tend to freeze up and never have anything to say, or when I do have something to say I know its stupid and don't say anything. My friends are pretty supportive and try to give me advice in being more social but I don't think they really understand me because all of them are fairly good looking and being social comes natural to them. I am a virgin as you probably already assessed of me but I am straight, which makes it all the more difficult to deal with my shyness to girls. If you have any advice for me I would really appreciate it and thank you for your time.

    Ps I was never good at writing paragraphs when I was in school so please don't judge me on my writing style :D
    GlindaofOz's Avatar
    GlindaofOz Posts: 2,334, Reputation: 354
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Aug 4, 2007, 06:11 AM
    I used to have the same problem and for me it stemmed from the fact that I thought no one would really want to talk to me anyway nor did I have anything interesting to say.

    I've grown more confident in my years and I can tell you what I now do when faced with individuals that I do not know. I attempt to establish some sort of common ground by asking them questions. People love it when you show a genuine interest in them. For instance I just recently met a new group of people and I asked everyone how they met, how long they've known each other, etc. Those conversations veered off into other conversations and it just sort of went on and on.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #3

    Aug 4, 2007, 07:33 PM
    Stop comparing yourself to others
    1. Stop caring so much about what you're going to say next and what to say. I realize that I get so caught up in thinking that I never end up saying anything at all.
    2. Be yourself. Don't consider alcohol as a way of helping you open up.
    3. Help yourself become more comfortable so you are not so insecure. Observe people and the surroundings.
    4. Build up your confidence and become happy with yourself (be your own best friend).
    5. Knowledge and intelligence.
    6. Study people to help understand how people act.
    Good luck and let me know how things go

    P.S. some girls like shy guys;)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,761, Reputation: 5426
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #4

    Aug 4, 2007, 07:42 PM
    Wow! I can't top the first two answers, so I will just say that you express yourself very well (except for the uncapitalized "i"s--probably computer-speak?). You even started with a topic sentence. I'm impressed!
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #5

    Aug 4, 2007, 07:47 PM
    Well, english is my second language, but I do have a question here, why he capitalized "Boy"... Is it necessary to tell us he is Canadian?
    It's like nothing, I mean aren't all americans the same as canadians? :D
    pasiria's Avatar
    pasiria Posts: 161, Reputation: 29
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    #6

    Aug 4, 2007, 07:52 PM
    Just be yourself. I like shy people, they are genuine and are easy to talk to. I agree with the two previous answers. You ask the questions. People love to talk about themselves. I am a little shy too. I am often asked personal questions at work, so instead I give a vague and quick answer and ask, "how about you?" That always works. Believe me, good looks have nothing to do with confidence and being social. If you feel you are overweight, join a gym. You are young, I'm sure you have plenty of energy. Also, cardio activity helps your brain and controls anxiety.
    Kinghat's Avatar
    Kinghat Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 4, 2007, 09:32 PM
    I felt like adding the canadian part just so I wouldn't get comments on me being 18 and drinking seeing how being 18 is our legal drinking age.. well for the particular province I live in. For the capital B in boy.. I just felt like signifying that because most of the shy question on this site are from girls. Writing style aside thanks for the tips, and I am a member at a gym its just I feel overweight because of how fit all my friends are compared to me.
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Aug 5, 2007, 12:45 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Kinghat
    I felt like adding the canadian part just so i wouldnt get comments on me being 18 and drinking seeing how being 18 is our legal drinking age.. well for the particular province i live in. For the capital B in boy.. i just felt like signifying that because most of the shy question on this site are from girls. Writing style aside thanks for the tips, and i am a member at a gym its just i feel overweight because of how fit all my friends are compared to me.
    LOL, I was just joking about it:D you so lovely.
    Mmmm... about being overweight-that's fine when you are at this age. I tell you a secret but please don't tell others--I used to be overweight too!! :p I am serious, I guess that is about our age, when I was 18, I was overweight, I got so upset, I started dieting. I dirnk a lot of water before each meal and eat apples instead of real meals. I danced for 8 YEARS in my life, I still became overweight. SO it's not all about exercising, also food, and also we can't control. It turned out better after couple years, I became slim just after certain period. So, don't worry that much, it could just be you are at the age of being a little bit overweight. Be confident, change your diet a little bit as I have described.
    Good luck.
    Kinghat's Avatar
    Kinghat Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Aug 7, 2007, 04:06 AM
    Thanks all, your advice actually came in handy. I am no longer worrying about how I look and now can actually have good conversation with girls now. The hunt begins :D ;)

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