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    Gems63's Avatar
    Gems63 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 29, 2014, 05:58 AM
    I still feel like a failure.
    I am 50 years old. I did a secretarial course after I finished school. I did some easy courses after that such as a counselling diploma and a computer repair course. Apart from that my husband and I raised our children well. They are 22 and 18 now and we are happy with them. They are nice people. When I was 48 I realised I had never thought seriously about a career so I decided to study to be an Accounting Technician. I passed all my exams first time. A few people on the course who were 25 years younger than me were hurtful to me and told me I asked too many stupid questions about the topics on the course. One of our tutors was also hurtful and asked one of my friends on the course "are you being friendly with Mary just for a laugh". My friend was angry and told the tutor that she was friendly with me because I was good company. My friend should probably not have told me about this but she was angry with the tutor at the time for saying this. I got on well with the other tutors by the way. A lot of people on the course failed some exams and had to repeat. After the first year, one of the students who was hurtful to me said asking all the stupid questions must have worked for me. I explained to her that as I was the only person on the course who had no previous accounting experience I HAD to ask a lot of questions to help me understand. After I passed my exams I felt great for a while especially because I had challenged myself and succeeded and I'll admit it felt great to prove the bullies wrong. I have only been able to get temporary jobs since the course and again I'm having a hard time. I'm treated with little respect and given very little responsibility as I'm "only a temp". When people I replace are away I prove I'm able to do the job but when they come back even if I'm still in the job, my opinion isn't wanted. For example, I was taken on in a job for six weeks. During that time, the office manager became ill and there was a crises. I managed to sort it out even though it wasn't the reason I was there. I had people looking for my opinion and advice. I was able to help them as well as carrying on my own work. When the office manager came back my opinion wasn't sought again. I'm hurt that people can be so thoughtless. I applied for a permanent job in the company as they were interviewing at the time and they asked to see my cv. They said they were impressed with my cv, my attitude and my ability but in the end, didn't even give me the chance of an interview. This has happened with other organisations too. I'm so sick of being rejected. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Can somebody please give me advice?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Apr 29, 2014, 06:10 AM
    Have you ever thought of asking these employers that don't hire you, why? There may very well be something about you that is seen by others, but not by you.

    Maybe it is the way you come across, or the way you answer questions. Who knows.

    For the same pattern to keep repeating itself, try to find out why. Perhaps see if you can set up a meeting with your ex, temp employer, and ask him to be truthful about why you weren't considered for an interview. I think that one on one is the best way to go, and hopefully he will be honest with you.

    You may consider visiting an employment agency, and talking to them about finding out how to better present yourself, as well as learning the finer points of how to answer questions and what employers are looking for, or wanting to hear.

    People are generally very different in their personal lives, than they are in their professional lives. Maybe you just need a tune up on the latter, in order to present yourself better?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member

    Apr 29, 2014, 06:49 AM
    Wow after 50 years on this earth you surely know what jerks some people can be. Why let what people say impact how you feel about you and impact your day? Who cares what other people think and why give them that control over you?

    Truth be told employers like temps because they get no benefits and if you don't work out they just tell you not to come back. You are starting your career after raising children. You have to prove yourself which is no different than what any of us would have to do in that situation. You will have some positive experiences and some not so positive experiences. But if you keep working hard the permanent job will be offered.

    Also do some reading about living in the moment. It would definitely help your outlook.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Apr 29, 2014, 08:16 AM
    Many of us older people face the same rejections and attitude in this youth oriented modern working world. Rebuilding yourself for a second career takes years and many rejection or failures so don't be discouraged by youthful stupidity, or corporate agendas. I think Jakes idea,

    You may consider visiting an employment agency, and talking to them about finding out how to better present yourself, as well as learning the finer points of how to answer questions and what employers are looking for, or wanting to hear.
    Is a great one that adds to knowledge and outlook, and fine tunes skills and gives you more options that lead to greater opportunities to pursue. Takes time and the right attitude and you already have your foot in the door as a temp, and that's something when you think of how tough the job market is and with everybody looking for the same thing, a stable career.

    What we older people know is that there is no instant success, but a slow slog forward through all obstacles. You already know you can do as well as any, and have to keep plodding through despite the feelings. You know it's a process to get the job you want, so shake that feeling of negativity, regroup, and get back with it.

    Let no one make you doubt yourself, or your ability to figure out the right adjustments to make. Youth has the luxury of impulse, but experience knows patience and stick to it.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Apr 29, 2014, 08:48 AM
    You are expecting too much out there in the work world, which doesn't operate on logic and reason at all. Yes, temps are treated the way you were because they are a threat to those who hold the permanent positions. You may have even been so helpful that when you applied for a job, you were attacked unfairly by those people behind your back. 'Ability to work with others' is often high on the list, and employers won't sort out the reasons behind reports from others. Happens every day!

    Not saying it's true, and it's possible that you really do rub enough people the wrong way. Dwelling on what one tutor said when you got along fine with the other tutors shows that you take too much too heart, and maybe it shows. You may have spent so many years in your happy home raising your fine children (a major accomplishment) that you just don't know what intrigue is going on in the workplace. It's been far worse since the downturn in 2008. It's a dog eat dog world just getting a job, never mind keeping one.
    And finally there's menopause, which you asked about months ago. Hormones have a huge effect on our moods and feelings of self worth.
    Gems63's Avatar
    Gems63 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Apr 29, 2014, 12:31 PM
    Thanks for all the replies. I have checked with the agencies and previous employers. The agencies said they are getting positive feedback but I need more experience to get a permanent job. I have been asked back by several companies so I know it's not a problem with my personality but these same companies are not offering me permanent employment. The best advice I got was from my husband who said that because Ireland is such a small place and our economy is still so bad, people are getting taken on permanently in jobs they are over qualified for. Eg. Accountants with years of experience are going for jobs at my level. As the economy improves in the next 5 to 7 years they will move out into the top jobs, leaving the jobs I am qualified for free.
    carolmonroe38's Avatar
    carolmonroe38 Posts: 53, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member

    Apr 29, 2014, 12:52 PM
    American employers discriminate based on age. I've seen too many 50 something's who lose their jobs and can't find an equally well-paying job after that. So part of your problem is your age, it sounds like.

    I'm shocked your fellow students were so rude because you're an older student. In the US, at least 40% of students are 30 and over. Most of them are in the evening and weekend colleges.

    You sound like you're doing very well, gaining more experience plus the positive input from the temp recruiters and employers. Good luck. I think you'll be getting a permanent job in a few more months.
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
    Ultra Member

    Apr 29, 2014, 01:44 PM
    Chances are that your fellow students who objected to your ďstupid questionsĒ didn't know the answers to those questions themselves. And it sounds like many of them proved your point by failing the exams. Many folks nowadays don't want to deal with details, and that fact shows in many occupations from my standpoint.

    You are being ďusedĒ in your present temp positions. Fellow employees cozy up to other workers when they need something, and that is to protect their own jobs. Nothing new, just human nature. It is simply not cool to associate with you if they don't need something from you. And their fellow employees assume that the employees trying to work with you must really not know much if they have to go to a temp for help. They will do it when they have no choice for self-preservation.

    It sounds like you know your work quite well. Do you have many opportunities to suggest better, more efficient ways to perform tasks or improve production? Working for different companies that do similar work should give you some opportunities to see better ways of accomplishing similar tasks. Maybe you can make some suggestions to your manager(s) but don't do it by referring to how another company does it, just describe what the improvement could be. It's a little risky because you could alienate other employees or even managers who are resistant to change. But, it could also help you get a foot in the door.

    We hired many temporary employees into permanent positions where I worked and I would say that the most common reason that we did so, was because of the person's attitude. Do you ever ask your fellow workers or managers (when you know you are about to be released) for their opinions of your performance and how you could be even better? Kind of an employee evaluation in reverse.

    Good luck to you. Jobs are still scarce in most areas, employers are reluctant to bear the expense of benefits, healthcare requirements are in constant flux, etc. Don't expect it to be easy or simple, but you seem to have what it takes, and if you have told us everything, I too think that you will find an opportunity that satisfies you.
    CFZD's Avatar
    CFZD Posts: 385, Reputation: 49
    Full Member

    Sep 9, 2014, 06:50 PM
    Keep a good career is the toughest thing in life, it is so tough I had to sacrifice everything else! You have a loving family, kids etc, many women who succeed in career might not have those...
    To be successful, it's a combination of how well do you perform, how to deal with people, how to find answers, who you know, how to take out the knife that stabbed on your back, heal yourself and continuous improvement.
    It is hard!

    I am sure you have done your best, but it is a tough course in life, you might start a bit late than others, but with what I've read so far, your accomplishment isn't as impressive as you thought, you have done well with the limited experience, and trying your best, but it's far more complicated and tough than you think. You can start to have a mentor, a female mentor and a male mentor, be sincere and truly take the good advice, you don't know what you don't know, start with them with your career concerns and putting more effort in learning people at work, work itself and other opportunities.
    Chawmp's Avatar
    Chawmp Posts: 4, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Sep 9, 2014, 07:48 PM
    Try a small company. Your work ethic will be more noticed and better appreciated. Best of luck.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,302, Reputation: 7692

    Sep 10, 2014, 06:40 PM
    I will give you some sad facts of life, from someone who is almost 60.

    I went back, 4 years ago, to Liberty University, while I have degrees, I had worked in law and law enforcement my entire life, (almost) but never had a degree in it. So I wanted one.

    I had not studied or been in school in years, I couldn't care less, what young people with no experience thought of me, and if they were rude, I couldn't care less.

    It appears you really care, too much what someone, you do not know. Thinks of you.

    A tutor, if they were rude, would have been reported to the school, to be fired. And most likely I would have asked for some compensation on my fees for them doing that.

    I graduated, last May, I had a "A" in every class but one. And graduated with highest honors, for my graduating class.

    I have now started work on my Masters degree, where I am still the oldest student.

    As for work, Ok, if a temp employee, came in, and started, giving advice, and telling employees how to do things. I would most likely not keep them either. Sorry, a temp employee, comes in, does the job, assigned, and minds their own business.

    At least in my opinion, and I have hired lots o temps over the years.

    Also, age discrimination, businesses hire younger people, who will often have less health issues, and they believe more energy. ( not true, but so much for that)

    If I went back to America, today, I would be lucky to be a greeter at Walmart, thus, I stay overseas for now.

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