[JK191]

So...

Here's a quick summary of what's wrong with me:

- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.

So I ask you AMHD, what should I work on first and how?

Keep in mind, my goal is to better myself and make myself happier.

[I wish]

Try reading some self-help books:

The Guide to Self-Help Books – Recommended Self-Help Books - Self-Help Book Reviews

Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide

Have you considered seeing a counselor?

[JK191]

Tried, didn't help.

Went there for a pretty long time even.

[Wondergirl]

You are:

- an excellent writer.
- a good speller (except for "obcessive")
- careful with punctuation
- a logical thinker
- analytical
- a problem-solver
- probably good at writing outlines and term papers
- probably loved by teachers
- an interesting-sounding person
- smart

[Gemini54]

Hmmm.

Has it ever occurred to you that you can approach this another way?

There is nothing wrong with you. Accept yourself the way you are. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves.

By all means work to better yourself, but remember you are you - and no-one else is.

We are all perfectly imperfect. It's the human condition.

[JK191]

You are:

- an excellent writer.
- a good speller (except for "obcessive")
- careful with punctuation
- a logical thinker
- analytical
- a problem-solver
- probably good at writing outlines and term papers
- probably loved by teachers
- an interesting-sounding person
- smart

I've heard the same, apart from those those you described as probable. So, thanks, I feel a little happier now.

Gemini54:
'Eh, while most of them I can accept, the last 3 to 4 items on that list I feel like I could get through and have been trying to do so.

Still I'll think about your opinion :) .

[Wondergirl]

So, thanks, I feel a little happier now.

Okay. Good. What's next?

[JK191]

Okay. Good. What's next?

Actually went out today with a single friend, trying to be more outgoing...

It just doesn't come naturally to me and doesn't help that most people never invite me.

But 'eh, going to try to make myself available to the people I know and see how it goes from there.

[Wondergirl]

Actually went out today with a single friend, trying to be more outgoing...

Just be a good listener, an active listener, and people will think you are the best conversationalist in the whole wide world. Google "active listener" (without quote marks) if you need a definition.

Actually, I like you a lot already. You answered my question and made a small but important effort to improve something in your life. I'm impressed!

***ADDED***I just read your earlier posts. You would be a wonderful addition to this site and could even become an expert. You have good sense and a nice way of dealing with questioners.

[JK191]

Also to anyone following this thread. Accepted an invitation from my girlfriend to a concert on Saturday and asked her to come to another on Wednesday.

Tried inviting one of my college buddies to one but he didn't want to attend.

(Basically, there'll be one concert a day around here for a week)

[JK191]

Not going to those concerts anymore, broke up with my girlfriend.

Please refer to:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ry-466380.html

If you're interested.

[Wondergirl]

Also to anyone following this thread. Accepted an invitation from my girlfriend to a concert on Saturday and asked her to come to another on Wednesday.

Be sure to let me (us) know how they went and how you felt about the two situations.

What kind of concerts? Orchestra or pop band or what?

[JK191]

Rock and Folk basically, but I'm not attending anymore Wondergirl, refer to the first post on the 2nd Page :)

[Wondergirl]

Rock and Folk basicly, but I'm not attending anymore Wondergirl, refer to the first post on the 2nd Page :)

Ask someone else.

[Lucky098]

Don't give up because one person didn't want to go. Don't stop living your life because people suck.

Why not find a hobby you're good at? Hobbies are always a good self-esteem builder.

[JK191]

Actually went to that Rock concert yesterday. An old friend heard I had become single and instantly invited me to join (he didn't like my ex very much).

Still, I saw her there as well and the pain just surged from nowhere. I had a good time after I lost track of her however.

I'll probably join him again for 1 or 2 more concerts, hopefully not running into my ex.

[Wondergirl]

Good for you, JK! I'm proud of you.

[QLP]

You sound like a perfectly normal teenager (one who is more articulate and self-aware than many) who is gradually maturing into a young adult. You just sound like you are trying a bit too hard to complete the process, putting pressure on yourself.

Of course the break-up is painful and I really do sympathise with you, it feels horrible no matter how old you are. Only time will heal that. Try and be a bit more patient with yourself.

Take it one day at a time. You are doing fine.

[JK191]

Attending a second concert today with my cousin and same friend I went with last time.

Plan to have a blast.

I also set aside a secondary goal, if possible, I want to try and make a light conversation with a complete stranger (even if he or she knows my cousin or friend).

I think this'll help my shyness, even if they don't respond well to my attempt.

Thoughts?

[Jake2008]

So...

Here's a quick summary of what's wrong with me:

- I'm a tad obcessive.
- I have self-esteem issues (which teen doesn't?).
- I'm lazy.
- I come across as arrogant.
- I'm anti-social (or so I hear).
- I'm cynical.
- I'm socially awkward.

So I ask you AMHD, what should I work on first and how?

Keep in mind, my goal is to better myself and make myself happier.

You have described yourself as obsessive, self-esteem issues, lazy, arrogant, anti-social, cynical, and socially awkward.

You also say you were in counselling for a long time. Were any of those issues addressed with any concrete plans to work on changing any of them? You say it didn't work, but maybe you are more comfortable the way you are rather than taking on the very difficult task of changing anything about yourself.

Do you have a part time job? Do you do any volunteer work? Are you getting any physical activity in your week?

Some things you don't need instructions for. Think of giving of yourself for no reward other than knowing that you've made a difference in someone else's life- such as a few hours a week at a homeless shelter, or helping out at a food bank. Put your own self-described 'faults' aside, and try to balance it out with the real world where people truly suffer and struggle every day to get by. The rewards are enormous.

I'm not downplaying your feelings or your assessment of yourself, but at 18, it is time to step outside that destructive bubble in my opinion, and start making changes in your life, that involve other people and activities.

Getting a part time job will give you the satisfaction of earning something, even if it is a small paycheque. You work hard, you are rewarded. Dealing with the public, good and bad, helping solve problems for people, learning how to communicate, all of it is valuable in building self esteem.

It is not easy to just trust the advice of a stranger, but I can tell you with some experience myself in life, that if you don't go after happiness, it will not find you.

My opinion is you need a little more balance in your life.