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    allyn5's Avatar
    allyn5 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:40 AM
    Hello everyone, my boyfriend died 6 months ago, and I been feeling too down and out, but since my boyfriend is the only one supporting his mom and sis, I feel like its my responsibilities now to take care of them, even when my boyfriend still alive he alwys mentioned and ask me to take care of his mom and sissy if something happened to him, and I gave my words to him.. I don't mind at all taking care of them besides they love me and accepted me as part of family... but my boyfriend have a bestfrnd and he helping me out trying to make me strong, we alwys talk and spend time sometimes, now he fall in love with me and he asked me to be with him in short he want to marry me, but now my problem is if I accepted his proposal mean I'll be with him and he want to bring me settle down in Sydney as I'm in Newzealand right now and looking after my boyfriend mom and sis.. I don't want to leave my boyfriend mom and sissy alone as I did promised to my boyfriend when he was alive that I'll be taking care of his mom and sissy..
    But I want to move on also and hve my own family... what should I do now? I'm so confuse.. please if you can give me advice that's really helps me.. thank you so much..
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
    Education Expert

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:45 AM
    What kind of help do you provide for them?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member

    Jul 16, 2013, 07:46 AM
    I'm a widow - so I know some of what you are experiencing.

    In most cases (and there are exceptions) six months is far too soon to even think of another permanent relationship. I also question why a best friend would make a "move" on the surviving girlfriend in such a short period. Six months and he's asked you to move and marry him?

    For starters, do you love him or are you lonely, confused, afraid of being alone?

    As far as promises - people promise all sorts of things to make passing easier for the person who is terminal. Only you know what "taking care of" means. Financially supporting? Emotionally supporting? I promised I would never, ever place my late husband in a nursing home - but at the very end he was brain dead and there was no way I could have cared for him, at home, no way, particularly because he was also a dialysis patient. So I would have had to break that promise.

    If, in fact, you are family to them, you love them and they love you, then your leaving is a very sudden and unexpected and painful loss - their second in six months.

    What do I say? Look at the situation very, very carefully - I think you are moving far too fast.
    allyn5's Avatar
    allyn5 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jul 16, 2013, 08:07 AM
    I'm helping my boyfriend mom in all ways, I mean looking after her health and everything as she is very sensitive and suffering from low blood pressure, I know she needs me as she alwys mentioned that he still can feel the presence of her son with me, and they really depend on me...

    I think I'm lonely and confused right now, because my bf's bestfrnd really reminded me of him they almost hve similar personalities and he alwys been there for me intime of down moment since my boyfriend in hospital until he passed away his bestfrnd been helping me out a lot.. but when he proposed to me I did not accepted because I feel like its not right, I mean as you said its still very early for me to think of permanent relationship with someone else.. and I'm still in love with my boyfriend until now, I'm missing him so much but his bestfrnd alwys there to cheer me up..
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member

    Jul 16, 2013, 09:04 AM
    Tell him your dilemma and ask him for more time. If he can not be understanding then maybe Its for the better or you can work out some kind of compromise.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jul 16, 2013, 09:40 AM
    Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to JudyKayTee again

    Now is not the time to make life changing decisions. Let the grief/healing process work fully and then weigh you best options with a healthy heart, and clear mind and conscious.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jul 16, 2013, 09:43 AM
    How old is his sister?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member

    Jul 16, 2013, 09:50 AM
    " I did not accepted coz I feel like its not right, "

    You answered your own question - and, yes, talk to him. Tell him your concerns.

    If it's "right" the relationship will be there when you are ready.

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