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    vince28's Avatar
    vince28 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 28, 2010, 07:25 AM
    How to be more talkative to people and know what to say to them?
    I'm a 19 year old college student I like playing sports working out and hanging out with my girlfriend.
    I have self esteem issues with how I look and how I am as a person. Before I met my girlfriend
    I was a really shy person in school and outside of school. I wasn't weird shy I just didn't like
    Getting into conversations with people. The problem was that when I start a conversation with
    Someone it normally dies out because I don't know what to say after a couple questions.I always get the feeling that everybody dismisses me and that I'm whatever I say is not important.
    This normally happens around girls or some family members or situations where I'm put on the spot.
    I never had a girlfriend till junior year in high school and the last girlfrind I had
    Was in the sixth grade.I never had any close "girl" friends like my friends did in high school.I was always afraid of rejection or some girl that I liked tell me that I'm ugly.I tend to think I can be so much better than I I'm socially. I just don't have the this a real problem or I'm I just thinking about things too much?my frinds are pretty popular around the area where I stay and they know a lot of people and a lot of girls.they always know what to say and come up with lines I never thought they can come up with.I hang out with my friends preetty often and I can be myself around them I feel comfortable talking with them than anybody else.I actually talk a lot around my friends and my girlfriend.maybe it's because I have a lot in common with them. Since I'm surrounded by them I'm surrounded by other popular people,and I feel like I need to make an impression so they think I'm cool just like my friends.but I just don't have the social skills and the confidence I need to make that happen. The thing is I want to be known by everbody especially girls.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Sep 28, 2010, 07:38 AM
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. I wasn't a shy girl but was always attracted to the shy guys. The man I loved most in my life (I'm now 63) was shy but friendly, sort of how you sound. As long as you have friends, that's all that matters, the self esteem will grow as you figure out that you don't have to go around getting people to like you, all you have to do is like a close group of people. Being the life of the party isn't what keeps people, it just sort of entertains people for the moment. Meaningless idle chit chat? Who needs it, just because some are better at it than others. Save real conversation for close friends. I know that at 19 you want to be cool and impress but it's just not necessary as long as you are NICE to people. Every once in a while, say hey nice shirt or I like your haircut or I thought a lot about what you said the other day, and that will do more than any clever witty stuff. And why, if you have 1 girlfriend, do you need more? Because the other guys brag about how many they have? I'd take that with a grain of salt; so many guys exaggerate. Or they are part of that ancient male trait of multiple conquests, who needs it? You sound FINE!
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
    Business Expert

    Sep 28, 2010, 08:35 AM

    You seem to be placing too much emphasis on looks.

    Do you think Bill Gates is a 'hunk?' Most don't however he is successful and outspoken.

    What you need is to find within yourself the things that are important and have value and build on those.

    Always keep asking questions when in a conversation and be honestly interested in the answers you receive. Simply ask further questions based upon those answers. Feel confident and make eye contact and sit up straight. Body language goes a long way in showing interest. For example, lean slightly forward when someone is talking to you.

    Pay close attention and really listen to your counterpart in the conversation and ask good questions such as, "That's really interesting, how did you go about doing that?" "When and how did that occur?" "Tell me more about that particular part...?"

    There is an adage in sales: never ask a question that would receive a YES or a NO answer. Ask questions that keep the conversation going.

    Good luck Vince.

    answerme_tender's Avatar
    answerme_tender Posts: 1,148, Reputation: 689
    Ultra Member

    Sep 28, 2010, 03:04 PM

    Sometimes putting ourselves in areas were we have to open up helps. Try volunteering for different organizations. If you like children start there. Even with sport activities. You will have to talk with them and keep their attention while teaching them. This will help with your confidence.
    Sexy D's Avatar
    Sexy D Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Aug 10, 2012, 05:05 PM
    My husband and I have been together about five yr and we are both very quite people at seen like we don't have a lot to talk about most of the time. So how can I be more talkative with him.
    VioletSkies's Avatar
    VioletSkies Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Aug 22, 2012, 01:32 PM
    Don't sweat it, just stay calm when you talk to people. I understand what it feels like, always worrying about what people think of you, afraid that they might not like the type of person you are and completely reject you. But honestly, the trick is... don't care what they think, be yourself, and stay confident.

    Seriously, not caring what other people think of you is the first step. I know what you're thinking, it's not as easy as it sounds, and you're right, it isn't! But that is also a part of it, staying calm and stopping your worrying takes a bit of effort. The trick is not to try too hard and not think about what the other person might be thinking of you. Stick to what you think of you.

    Of course, that may be a bit too hard not to do every now and then. But that might just be you, being... well, you! That is perfect for talking to new people. Being you is perfect. Now, I'm not saying to tell them all about yourself, I'm just saying to start with little things, for example you could have a short conversation like this:

    "Hi, my name is vince28, what's your name?" and then going on about favorite colors and simple things like that. Who knows? Maybe you could really hit something off and be best friends for life! (BBFL's :P) Whatever may happen, remember to stay confident in yourself and not to hide the outgoing side of you. That's my advice on the situation. Good luck!

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