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    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #1

    Mar 1, 2010, 12:52 AM
    How Important Is Having An Intimate Relationship To You?
    Hi, All!

    Well, relationship issues come up on this site frequently, as well as on a host of other sites.

    Boyfriend's cheating, someone dating a married person, long distance relationships started that obviously won't work, getting over your ex, how to make someone fall in love with you, dating a person who is really too young for you to date, having no contact with an ex, breaking up being hard to do... The list could go on and on...

    I guess that we all have a human need to at least have someone else who we can trust who might be an intimate friend and perhaps, maybe even a lover. Just my opinion, though.

    But, is having an intimate relationship the kind of relationship that something everyone has to have and is a necessity?

    I don't think so.

    What are your opinions, please?

    Thanks!
    dynocompe's Avatar
    dynocompe Posts: 331, Reputation: 56
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    #2

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:04 AM

    If you were intimate I doubt he would be having hour long showers! Haha sorry had to say it!
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #3

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:05 AM
    On a scale of one to ten,I'd say a six.. .

    What's most important to me right now,is the fact that I have some really solid friendships and a decent relationship with myself.

    Quoting Tal-a relationship should be a bonus.

    I think too many people are stuck in relationships that have outlasted their best-by-date and don't have the courage to break up.
    dynocompe's Avatar
    dynocompe Posts: 331, Reputation: 56
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    #4

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:11 AM

    I think it's a nice thing to share with your partner. It's a way of connecting like you do with nobody else. But its not everything!
    Its very nice to have! Haha I am still young!
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #5

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:12 AM

    No, intimacy isn't a necessity. I married a guy who turns out to have Asperger's. Intimacy is not something someone with Asperger's wants, or even is capable of. And I'm not talking about intimacy being the same as sex. We do have two kids. Intimacy is something far more than sex.

    Perhaps we need to define intimacy.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #6

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:26 AM
    My friends are my family, J_9. That's a given. I just thought that I would post the question. I've been alone for a long time, but I'm not lonely. There is a difference.

    It seems that some people are so concerned about their intimate relationships, that they lose track of who they really are. It seems like they just HAVE to HAVE that other person in their life.

    Why? I don't really get it...

    I'm a renaissance person. Self sufficient. I don't think it's weird, but maybe others do. Don't know...

    Getting personal here again. Not really my style to be revealing myself on some site, other than for business purposes. But, there are so many people that I've come to know and love on the online thing on this site. I don't really participate on the other online sites, although I might be a member on them.

    Yeah, your kids know that you're both happy with each other and continue on as a family! My kids know that too with me. They also know that things would have never worked out with my ex-wife and me. She's now re-married and my daughter disliked her step-dad so much that she's now living with me.

    I don't know everything that was going on there. Really, none of my business.

    Oh well, just my thoughts here...

    Thanks!
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #7

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:29 AM
    Well, some of you posted while I was typing my diatribe.

    Later...

    Thanks!
    Larken85's Avatar
    Larken85 Posts: 696, Reputation: 146
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    #8

    Mar 1, 2010, 01:47 AM

    Clough. Intimate relationships are not absolutely needed in the way of lovers however a human needs to be able to communicate their feelings. Humans as a general rule are social by nature and the thought of being a hermit (while maybe tempting to get away from everything for a while) is not plausible in my opinion. Without someone to talk to you stew in your own thoughts and sometimes the worst place for a person is lost within himself. People who live their lives alone have a higher tendency not to care about things and or themselves. So I would say that someone has to be close to you at some point for some time in order for you to develop correctly in the world today. However in my own opinion I could not live without a lover. Love making to me is the key to confidence and a much closer bond to that special someone. Love making should be and remain a sacred right between two people in love and that person with whom you share your body should by all means be the closest person to your heart in exsistance. Someone whom you cherish above all else and almost even worship, certainly someone to dout upon. This person should know more about you than you do yourself and you her/him. Having an intimate relationship with your special someone is one of the most important things in life to me (btw that does not mean sex and/or sex alone.) intamicy is such a broad term that it can apply to anyone from a personal friend, a lover, or even a parent. For example I have a sharing relationship (intimate) with my sister because I tell her everything that happens in my life, or My fiancÚ is the closest person to me because we are not only best friends that share but also lovers and comrades. Its all very broad and all very important to me. I love intimacy with other people, it makes me feel excepted to know that I can tell most people anything I want without being judged.
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #9

    Mar 1, 2010, 06:36 AM

    I am perhaps the most anti relationship guy out there. To be completely honest, I love having my own freedom. Maybe "anti" isn't the right word, but being attached with a significant other is not a priority at all for me. Some people differ in that mentality, but I have NEVER been a relationship guy.

    I will also say I probably don't represent the majority of people on here. I am a unique character to say the least. But whatever makes you happy, I say go for it!
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #10

    Mar 1, 2010, 07:05 AM

    I can co exist with either, I can be alone and yet not be alone(weird I know) but I can also handle the pressures of a relationship. I don't think intimacy is needed but a lot of us welcome it. A lot of people search for that one person they share a special connection with, it's not sex it's something far deeper. The way they can finish a sentence that you started. I think intimacy goes far deeper than the physical aspect of things.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #11

    Mar 1, 2010, 07:21 AM

    Here's my two cents.

    If you have ever experienced loneiness for a good period,a strange thing happens,you start to crave your own company,when once you may have hated being on your own now you crave it... for me anyway.

    I'm in a relationship,it's a good one,id even go out on a limb and say the best one yet for me,it has all the ingredients of long lasting,but the best thing about it is,we make time for each other,AND give each other that much needed 'me' time.

    That's a key element that makes us work.

    Id still be quite happy on my own.
    mistyjane's Avatar
    mistyjane Posts: 271, Reputation: 59
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    #12

    Mar 1, 2010, 10:25 AM

    No it's not necessary but sometimes it just happens...
    Some are great others just won't work.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #13

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Romefalls19 View Post
    I can co exist with either, I can be alone and yet not be alone(weird I know) but I can also handle the pressures of a relationship. I don't think intimacy is needed but a lot of us welcome it. A lot of people search for that one person they share a special connection with, it's not sex it's something far deeper. The way they can finish a sentence that you started. I think intimacy goes far deeper than the physical aspect of things.
    Being alone and lonely are two different things to me, Romefalls19. I think that you and I are on the same "page" here, although we might use different terminology.

    The intimacy that you describe is very much the same as I seek out. If it's that way, then I would say that I have at least a few, very intimate relationships. They're not physical relationships, but are built very much on the mental and emotional levels.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #14

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by dynocompe View Post
    If you were intimate I doubt he would be having hour long showers!! haha sorry had to say it!
    What is this concerning, dynocompe? I'm a man who is a heterosexual! I will say though, that one of my best friends with whom I'm very intimate is gay. If I were gay, then he would no doubt, be my lover.

    But, our relationship goes beyond the physical things...

    To me, it's true love!

    Thanks!
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #15

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    No, intimacy isn't a necessity. I married a guy who turns out to have Asperger's. Intimacy is not something someone with Asperger's wants, or even is capable of. And I'm not talking about intimacy being the same as sex. We do have two kids. Intimacy is something far more than sex.

    Perhaps we need to define intimacy.
    You're so darned smart, Wondergirl! I wish that you were my neighbor as well as my friend on the local level!

    Yes, perhaps intimacy needs to be defined here. I wrote my original question very late when I was very tired. But, I'm not going to change it. It stands as perhaps a harbinger for thoughts and ideas yet to come...

    Perhaps "intimacy" means something different for a man as compared to a woman?

    I'm just throwing that out there...

    Thanks!
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #16

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by redhed35 View Post
    heres my two cents.

    if you have ever experienced loneiness for a good period of time,a strange thing happens,you start to crave your own company,when once you may have hated being on your own now you crave it...for me anyway.

    im in a relationship,its a good one,id even go out on a limb and say the best one yet for me,it has all the ingredients of long lasting,but the best thing about it is,we make time for each other,AND give eachother that much needed 'me' time.

    thats a key element that makes us work.

    id still be quite happy on my own.
    I can honestly say that I'm never lonely, redhed35. I just operate for the most part, alone. I do work well in tangent with others, but most of the nature of the work that I do are the types that most people would do alone.

    There are times when I definitely feel alone, but I wouldn't call it loneliness. I really feel and think that there is a big difference between feeling alone and being lonely.

    To me, being lonely means that a person wants for another living being with which to be intimate in one way or another.

    I'm glad that you're in a relationship and I hope that it works out great for you! You are also truly a boon to this site, and I hope that you continue here :)

    For my beliefs, I don't think it's an accident that certain people happen to come into the lives of others at times in their lives.

    Thanks!
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #17

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:47 AM
    Originally posted by redhed35

    I totally agree with you there.
    So, are you just going to leave me hangin' here, reddy?

    Thank you for your comment!

    I posted the original question because there seems to be so many people that think they can't be without someone else in their lives.

    That's the basics...

    I don't understand why they might think that and would like to have a better understanding of why they think the way that they do.

    Thanks!
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #18

    Mar 1, 2010, 11:58 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Clough View Post
    So, are you just going to leave me hangin' here, reddy?

    Thank you for your comment!

    I posted the original question because there seems to be so many people that think they can't be without someone else in their lives.

    That's the basics...

    I don't understand why they might think that and would like to have a better understanding of why they think the way that they do.

    Thanks!

    I don't know clough,but in my experience,some people feel like there missing out on something,'the one' a soulmate,and search and search never waiting around long enough to give any relationship a chance to grow,or getting to know themselves.

    As for intimate relationships,I agree with wondergirl on that one.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
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    #19

    Mar 1, 2010, 12:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by redhed35 View Post
    i dont know clough,but in my experience,some people feel like there missing out on something,'the one' a soulmate,and search and search never waiting around long enough to give any relationship a chance to grow,or getting to know themselves.

    as for intimate relationships,i agree with wondergirl on that one.
    But, why do they feel that they absolutely have to have someone else in their life?

    That's what I have trouble understanding. It seems like an obsession rather than something that might be normal! I guess that I'm clueless! :confused:

    Thanks
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,769, Reputation: 5427
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    #20

    Mar 1, 2010, 12:16 PM

    It's amazing where you can find intimacy. There was a homeless man who used to hang out at the public library where I worked for 25 years. He was always clean and well-behaved, but scruffy and wore mismatched clothes. One day about 10-12 years ago, I introduced myself to him and asked him his name. That was the start of a wonderful friendship.

    Jerry is a voracious reader of newspapers and books (especially history) and is a keen observer of people. As you can imagine, public libraries, like bus stations and airports, are great places to observe people. Jerry and I are intimates -- no romance, no sex, no kissy stuff -- but we have our inside jokes, often have similar assessments of situations (I've often chuckled at his no-comment eye-rolling or eyebrow-raising during a patron upset or library incident), and share a deep love for libraries. Through conversations on the fly, we got to know each other well.

    I would come to work and walk up the steps to the front door near where Jerry was smoking a cheap cigarette, and ask him, "How're things?" He wouldn't have to say a word. His eyes would meet mine and silently tell a tale of a thousand words. To me, that's intimacy.

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