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    KariAndersen's Avatar
    KariAndersen Posts: 18, Reputation: 4
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    #1

    Sep 25, 2006, 10:21 AM
    How do I get a life?
    Mom! Get a Life!
    By Kari Andersen


    A day in the life of a mom is not always a pretty sight! For those moms that have babies and have chosen to stay home with them, itís a day filled with diapers, crying, accidents and laundry. For those moms who have babies and work outside the home, itís all those things AND a hurried morning of trying to find the dress that doesnít have the spit-up on it and getting the car seats in the car to get the babies off to daycare. For others who have kids in school, itís a whole other set of crazy, tiring routines that leave a mom feeling unappreciated and absolutely worn out.

    Many moms wait for their husbands to appreciate them and are left feeling slightly empty because men have their own set of needs that arenít being met and have a hard time filling you up when they are empty themselves. If you hold your breath waiting for your kids to appreciate you, you will turn blue and die long before you receive the much needed, ďThanks, Mom!Ē that many of us crave.

    So is there any hope? Can you find appreciation in this life or do you have to wait until you cross over into glory to have God say, ďWell DoneĒ? Absolutely not! There is hope in the here and now but it requires a little effort on your part! No more waiting for someone else to appreciate you. You need to GET A LIFE! Before you get mad at me, let me explain!

    Two years ago, I was at the lowest place in my life. I had been a teacher for 12 years in the public school system. My husband had been a stay at home dad and part-time actor and pastor. We decided that it was time to follow the dreams that God had placed in his heart which was to move to Los Angeles so he could pursue acting as a full-time career and possibly be cast in television or movies.

    So we rented out our house in Oregon and moved to a very small apartment in L.A. After a few weeks, when he didnít land the leading role in a major motion picture, we got hungry so he needed to get a job. He found a great job at a very large car dealership and began working 70-80 hours a week as a salesman to support us in very expensive Southern California.

    This is where the depressing part kicks in. I was a stay-at-home mom of three small children for the first time ever, in a new, huge city where I was scared to drive and didnít know anyone and my husband was never home because he worked so many hours. I didnít want to get out of bed and shower each day. I cried all the time and my kids were also starting to mirror my bad moods and attitude. As the old saying goes, ďIf mom isnít happy, then no one is happy.Ē This went on for almost two years! Ugh!

    My friends starting telling me that I needed to get help. They said I needed to go to the doctor and get medication to help my moods. So I did. I went in for my yearly physical and at that time asked my doctor if she could give me anti-depressants for my depression. She first asked me many questions about my life and about my past. She soon found out that this was an isolated incident and told me that I didnít need medication, I needed to get a life! Ahhh! The nerve!! I wanted a quick fix and I wanted it NOW! (Note: Many people suffer from chemical imbalances in their bodies and need medication to correct it. Iím not against anti-depressants. It just wasnít the proper diagnosis for me.)

    Get a life! How do you do that?

    Well, I wasnít about to let this doctor tell me that I needed to get a life. I had a life and it was depressing and boring and I was never appreciated for my efforts! But, I went searching for what ďGet a LifeĒ meant anyway. In my search, I came to realize that God intends for our lives to be awesome and fulfilling!

    So how do you get a life? Here are the steps I took to find my new and amazing life:

    ∑ Write down all the things you love. I really like to be on the internet meeting and emailing people. I also love to sing. I really like teaching but not young kids anymore. Donít think too hard during this exercise. Just write down whatever comes to your mind and donít talk yourself out of what you love. Only YOU know what you are passionate about and itís OK to feel the way you do!
    ∑ Research your top 5 passions. Get on the internet and search those 5 areas that you are the most passionate about and see what comes up. Go to the library and check out books on each of those topics. Look in the phone book to see if there are lessons you can take, etc.
    ∑ Choose one area to pursue RIGHT NOW! Why wait? On a piece of paper in big, bold letters, write down what you want to pursue and make a goal to do three things a day to move toward your goal. It doesnít matter if the goal seems too big to achieve today. Remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. I decided that I wanted to start my own internet business where I could help other moms find their own lives and also financial freedom.
    ∑ Share your goal with someone who will be supportive. Make sure you donít share your new, tender goal and pursuit of a fulfilled life with those in your family and friends who might trample and belittle your goal. There will always be dream crushers in our lives and you need to stay far away from those people at this time. I have a dear friend who cheers for me no matter what Iím doing. I told her about my desire to start a business. She not only cheered for me, she hosted my first candle party!
    ∑ Reward yourself often. As you achieve small milestones, make sure you reward yourself. I told myself that when my business reached a certain level that I would buy myself a new wedding ring. My first wedding ring was broken because of all the weight gain during my pregnancies and I hadnít had a ring for over 5 years. I deserved a ring and so when I reached my goal, I went into the jewelry store and picked out my favorite ring and walked out with my reward to myself shining on my finger! It was also Valentineís Day. What a perfect day to tell myself, ďJob well done, Kari!Ē Every time I look at that beautiful ring on my finger, I smile because I know that I worked hard and made a difference to many to earn that reward.
    ∑ Start the process again! You donít need to stop after achieving your first goal. Look at your List of Passions again, add to it and pick a new pursuit! I enjoy motivational speaking and sharing what Iíve learned to help others. So one of my new goals that I set last spring is to speak at conferences all over the country. Since then, I have spoken in Pennsylvania, Kansas, Las Vegas and I will be speaking again in PA in November. I use humor to help others see their own potential and learn how to be successful. I never even dared to dream that I could do something like that until I set out to GET A LIFE!


    So what are you waiting for? Take the steps TODAY to get a life and if you need any help, contact me! I would love to help you! Thatís how I found my lifeÖ by helping others find theirs!
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #2

    Sep 25, 2006, 10:43 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by KariAndersen
    I was a stay-at-home mom of three small children for the first time ever, in a new, huge city where I was scared to drive and didn't know anyone and my husband was never home because he worked so many hours.
    Simply put, this is the part that needed changing. If you don't leave your home for fear then you don't have a life. If you need to live in horrendously expensive city which kills the father's involvement in home life and the children's life then that is the choice one makes. I speak from some experience since I took 4 months parental leave with our first child, returned to work just in time for the big dot com bust and layoffs, then back at home with her for another 3 months. During that time we went everywhere: playgrounds, library programs for moms (har-har) and kids, explore at the big pet store, road trip to neighboring city that had a zoo, etc. Obviously I don't live in an expensive city and my wife, who is a lawyer, refuses partnership in order to work M-F, 9-5. Money and things are not what drives us, raising our kids during that crucial 0-5 years range is what matters.
    KariAndersen's Avatar
    KariAndersen Posts: 18, Reputation: 4
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    #3

    Sep 25, 2006, 10:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by NeedKarma
    Simply put, this is the part that needed changing. If you don't leave your home for fear then you don't have a life. If you need to live in horrendously expensive city which kills the father's involvement in home life and the children's life then that is the choice one makes. I speak from some experience since I took 4 months parental leave with our first child, returned to work just in time for the big dot com bust and layoffs, then back at home with her for another 3 months. During that time we went everywhere: playgrounds, library programs for moms (har-har) and kids, explore at the big pet store, road trip to neighboring city that had a zoo, etc. Obviously I don't live in an expensive city and my wife, who is a lawyer, refuses partnership in order to work M-F, 9-5. Money and things are not what drives us, raising our kids during that crucial 0-5 years range is what matters.
    Absolutely!! I agree 100%! Thanks for making that very important distinction! Once I was able to figure out what I wanted to do for ME, I was able to have the courage to drive the most traffic-filled freeways in the world, get out and meet people and be available and happy for my children! We now live in Montana because we realized that DAD needed to be home more and we needed to raise our kids in a place where they could thrive. NOTE: Many kids are raised in L.A. and thrive there! We moved because it was what we believed to be best for our family!
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #4

    Sep 25, 2006, 10:53 AM
    You rock! :)

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