Hey all,

I have been having such an issue lately with life,mostly my friends.Every single one of my friends in the city that I live in have dissapointed me.I have always been "the listener" I love being able to help my friends out when they have problems or need some advice,I love to be needed.My biggest pet peeve in the entire world is when people are selfish,I can't stand it,maybe its because that's the one thing I'm not.a few years ago I had a pretty bad temper,every time I got mad I would bring it up to my friends.then something pretty bad happened in my life and its like my entire personality did a 180 degree turn.I am super chill now,nothing makes me mad and when people describe me or meet me they always say how chill I am.The thing is that I keep my anger on the inside now,I have become so bitter towards everyone in my life.I feel so alone,my friends only call me when they need to talk about something going on in their lives or when they need advice or a favor.Noone ever cares about how I'm doing or thinks about doing anything nice for me.I realize that I sound like I'm whining but I haven't ever been able to get this out before and it feels nice to just vent.I hate that everyone uses me,it makes me feel like I'm not worthy of being their friend when they don't need something.People use the fact that I don't get angry all the time,cancelling on me last minute,asking me for favors,constantly giving advice.I'm struggling with this.Is it normal to feel this way?

Have you tried talking to your friends about how you're feeling?
True friends would listen.

Bottling things up is never a good thing,allow yourself to show your emotions in a balanced way.

Try doing things like writing, or thing that make you happy doing.

Things that naturally relieve stress.. for me its dancing.


And it sounds like you are just in touch with some not so great people. Try n go out and meet new people. Not everyone's like that.

Broaden your social circle to include people who are less needy, and more fun, and learn to say NO, and be less available to those that take, but don't give.

Physical activities on a regular basis is a great stress reliever.

Not all friends know how to offer thoughtful advice and support. Those who do may understand that others are not always capable of giving the same level of help back to them. If they were, they wouldn't need them. Everyone is different in terms of what they can/know how to give and take.

People keep going to you for advice because you're good at giving it. It could be that they just lack the skills themselves to give that kind of assistance back to you - it doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you in the same way.

There is nothing wrong with having people lean on you; just make sure you meet new people and try to find ones who you can lean on yourself.

Perhaps it's about setting some boundaries?

You say you used to be angry and now it sounds as if you're so chilled that you're catatonic...

It may surprise you to know that people sense what we're feeling, and if you're feeling bitter and resentful that people use you - then maybe your friends sense this.

It's really easy to blame others for what 's happening to us. In fact, how others respond to us is very often a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

You're unhappy and your friends are picking up on it. You're feeling bitter and used and your friends respond by treating you this way.

Our thoughts are very powerful, and if you're thinking 'bad' thoughts, then other people will pick up on them.

Other people may affect your happiness, but they are not responsible for it.

Do some reading, get some self help books, talk to a counselor - take responsibility for your happiness and well-being and you'll be surprised at how the dynamic with your friends will change.

So, you want everyone to think that you are laid back, but don't want them to use you? Well, you can have a happy medium.

Tell them whenever you feel you are being taken advantage of, or being treated with disregard. You have to share those feelings. It's simply not healthy to bottle up those frustrations.

Even a volcano looks peaceful before it blows.

Egads,we sound like twins.

My thoughts and actions are so like yours,it's scary.

Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling for almost 15+ years.

No,this isn't sarcasm,I truly think this way also.

My trauma was my divorce,my 'old' behavior(the anger,etc) has by far taken a back seat to the internal self loathing I get anymore.

The coping skills I have acquired over the last many years have enabled me to survive,nothing more,I really don't FEEL alive,I am just surviving to survive.

As Gemini54 said, setting boundaries is a really big step towards being your own person.This site I will add is one I read quite often,just to keep the mindset updated.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

And as jmjoseph said, you need to open up about what it is that bothers you about 'their' actions.

If you don't know about it,passive/aggressive behavior and similar functions of the human psyche are contributors to the way you(and I) act out what we feel.

I think if you want,this thread of yours can continue for quite a while, if you want to compare ideas with those of us willing to assist(and for me to learn) in your plight.

KBC

You are human! A very nice human being who cares about people' I think that is one thing that I hope someone will say about me when I am gone. "She was always there for everyone". You are human! Everyone needs to know they are appreciated and apparently your friends haven't done so! That's wrong of them.

Try not being in their lives for a while. If you believe in God than just ask him to lead you in what he wants you to do! Find other friends and don't lose your caring attitude because you feel unappreciated. You may end up being the person who saves a life by your words or giving someone hope when they feel hopeless. Bless you:):)

The biggest thing that you must remember is that if you are a genuinely nice person who gives from the heart, don't let them bring you down.

Try not to be bitter from the actions of a few.

You be the better man.

You can do that and still not be taken advantage of.

Now go do some fun things.

You said it!