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    soniet's Avatar
    soniet Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Dec 14, 2017, 07:12 PM
    22 and feel hopeless in ever finding a guy to like me
    I am always so depressed and sad and I feel like I won't ever find someone or experience love. For the most part, I feel very unnoticed by men. Never have done online dating but no guy ever shows interest in me in public and they never really hit on me whenever I go out in public. Any man I have ever meet never expressed interest in me in dating, relationship, and even sex. Never had a guy ask for my number or want to take me on a date. I am 5'4 and 125 lbs, and I feel like I look good (and sometimes I might even get compliments). I am 22, always single, never had a boyfriend before, or ever dated before.

    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #2

    Dec 14, 2017, 07:20 PM
    Are you
    1. friendly? (or self consciously waiting for men to pursue you)
    2. interested in the people you meet? (making compliments, asking questions about them, or waiting for them to ask you or compliment you)
    3. interesting yourself, with music and movies and books and hobbies and things you like to do? (or just blah - no life of your own)

    Also, where can you meet men that is a nice local place with friends you already have, not strangers passing by?
    THAT is how people meet someone! FRIENDS
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #3

    Dec 14, 2017, 07:56 PM
    Most men don't go up to random women in public to hit on them, that mainly happens in the movies.

    Have you ever asked a guy for his number? Have you ever asked a guy out on a date? Have you ever approached anyone? How do you act when you're in public? Are you outgoing, or are you shy? Do you talk to people or just let them do the talking?

    Go out and meet people. Talk to people. Let people get to know you. Don't wait for them to approach you, you do the approaching.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Dec 14, 2017, 08:17 PM
    Do you have male friends?
    Illusion's Avatar
    Illusion Posts: 195, Reputation: 33
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Dec 15, 2017, 03:04 AM
    Hello dear one and know that you are not alone. Your issue is not about guys but about the way you feel about yourself. You are on a journey to find out about yourself and what happened in your life that has left you feeling sad and depressed. There are many reasons for why as human beings we become sad and depressed - an unhappy childhood, lack of support, an event that left you heartbroken - so many challenges that we face. I grew up with a parent that did not know how to talk to me or to guide me and I felt heartbroken as a young person also - and even today I deal with terrible feelings about myself when something negative happens. I have had to learn about myself, how I feel and what I think and what happened when I was a child. I understand now what happened in my life and why I felt the way I did when I was a teenager and a young person. If only I had had someone to teach me about being human and about life - it could have spared me a lot of heartache. I had to find out on my own with the help of other people - friends, therapists, teachers, work experience, going to college.

    Some people are lucky because they have parents that knew how to love them and take care of them and give them guidance about life. Then there are other people like myself that have had to learn about life because I never learned that at home. At home it was about rejection, put downs, cursing - it was pretty awful and it felt awful. I have had to learn to change my life and the way I feel about myself and other people. I think the emotional pain is telling you that something or someone has hurt you. In my case it was both. I did not know then that I was worthy and worthwhile. I needed to learn that.

    We, as human beings, are more than emotional pain, we are valuable because we are alive and we breathe and guess what, we learn and we change. That we need to know. We are going to make mistakes because that is how we learn. You are worthy of knowing yourself and loving yourself and recognizing that you have a lot to give to other people. Take classes, go to seminars, develop an interest in something you like, stay busy. Go online and search out events or classes that you like - art classes, yoga, dancing, hiking, writing. Develop yourself and your interests and at the same time work on personal development. That is what I did, I went to college, went to therapy, went hiking, traveled by myself and along the way I met people. A great strength for me is spiritual prayer and I use it to help myself and also to help other people.

    Check out some books online or at the library that deal with emotional healing, forgiveness and overcoming emotional pain. Fear not for you are learning about yourself and about humanity and the world. I can tell you from experience that it is well worth it, you deserve to know yourself. I would suggest that you find out about group therapy in your area. The reason I suggest this is because you will meet other people, know that other people also struggle and have had hurtful experiences, and it will help you learn to interact with other people. And if one thing doesn't work out, try again, and again. This is about you and your well-being. You are making a decision to interact, connect and talk with other people and again, learn about yourself, life, humanity. Whatever you can do for yourself and your life, you will learn and change. I know because I have done it myself. Call your local mental health clinic and inquire if they offer any group therapies in your area or consider individual therapy. And remember, never give up.

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