I have been asking myself this question for a long time. My problems are many and I've probably made many mistakes. My husband of 20 years is verbally abusive. I am handicapped and unfortunately, I rely on his help. My two children (daughter 17, son 13) are both healthy and are doing well in school. I have tried leaving my husband but my children are so against the idea, (maybe they are embarrassed of me?), they both prefer a father around the house who every few weeks goes into a rage, than not having one at all. I am taking steps to secure my independence from him, and in the meantime, I am doing the best I can, ignoring his outbursts. My daughter, cannot stand me. I do everything for her, I drive her everywhere, I buy her way more than I can afford, I clean up after her continuously, (she does not help me with housework at all - she absolutely refuses), and she takes everything I do for granted. She often says things to my husband so that he will start fighting with me (things such as : "You know what mom said? You know what mom is planning? Do you know that mom is hiding money from you?", etc... ). Her behaviour makes no sense to me at all - she will do anything to hurt me emotionally, she calmly looks at me and tells me how much she hates me, how she has no respect for me, and how the thought of my touching her (like a caress on the cheek) makes her skin crawl. When she breaks her curfew, and my husband goes ballistic, I am the one to calm him down. When her cell phone bill comes in and has over $100 dollars in extra fees added to it, I am the one who scrapes the money behind my husband's back to pay for it - and then she tells him just so he could get mad at me. Two weeks ago, her school had an optional trip to Washington for five days (including hotel, meals, etc... ) Naturally, it was quite expensive - my husband felt it was out our means, but she kept begging me to go, and when I would tell her that we couldn't afford it, she would start on how horrible I am and how much she hates me. So I fought with my husband, and he finally gave in. While she was happy to go on the trip, it only "bought" me a couple of days of niceness from her. While she was there, she bought small gifts for everyone, including something for me. Yesterday, while mouthing off her hatred of me, (triggered by something as simple as "please pick up your clothes") she confessed that the item she had given me from Washington, was something she actually bought for herself, and she wanted it back. She took it back, and said, "You know what's sad? While I was in DC, I realized you deserve nothing from me - that there is nothing I want to give you or do for you - I just hate you so much. I cannot wait until you are out of my life completely". Here I am, basically I go out of way to convince my husband to send her on the trip, go out of my way depriving myself of things I need just so I could pay for her trip, and she tells me this? She has been in and out of counseling several times, with no success as far as our relationship. She refuses to go for joint counseling with me, and of course, her counselors do not tell me what she is saying to them. I am at my wits end - I do not know what to do anymore. My physical condition is worsening, and, I cannot understand what I have done to make her hate me so much. I would appreciate some support and advice. Thank you.