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    silverboi20's Avatar
    silverboi20 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 14, 2004, 01:12 AM
    What should I do?
    Hi I have a big dilemma on my hands. I am a mother of 2 children ages 9 and 11. For the past while, it has become an extreme challenge to keep them from fighting with each other, and myself. Every day it's a constant battle to get their homework done, help out with anything around the house, and talk in a suitable manner without whining or complaining about something. The mornings are especially hard, there is always a fight or argument... and its just not something you really want to deal with at 7 am. They seem like they enjoy getting the attention of getting into trouble. For punishment I set a timer and they each go to a room for 10 - 15 minutes or so. But when they come out they're back at it again. I have not been shown how to deal with punishments before so I am very inconsistent. But its becoming extremely stressful, and the fighting won't stop. What can I do? What sort of punishments should I lay down? The time outs don't seem to have an effect on them anymore. When sent to different rooms, it seems to be like a game to them. They continue to be ignorant towards me or each other, accusing me of being mean to them and hating them, by putting them in a time out. My Daughter, 9... was sent to the corner for the first time, and she sat there and yelled and threw a huge fit that I hated her by putting her there. I don't know what to do... At ages 9 and 11, they both still literally bawl and cry if things don't go there way, and continue to do so until some compomise is made. And seeing as how they are both becoming teenagers soon, this really worrys me, what should I do about this?
    angelcakes22uk's Avatar
    angelcakes22uk Posts: 29, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Apr 2, 2005, 06:54 AM
    Most of us brought our second baby home from the hospital along with visions of our children becoming life-long friends. (Some of us even had a second child specifically so that our first would have a playmate!) When our children fight, it not only grates on our nerves, it tugs on our hearts. The most important advice I can give you is: calm down and relax. Keep a level head and view your kids' arguments in a realistic way.
    Kids fight for lots of reasons. They fight because they don't want to share, because they want parental attention, because they each have a differing view about what's fair, or simply because they have to share the same space, day after day after day. The vast majority of sibling battles are not destructive to the relationship between the children. All this considered, there are ways to survive sibling fighting. And there are ways to reduce the number of fights, and the severity of them, as well.
    Take away the audience: It's a proven fact. Kids will fight longer, louder and with more enthusiasm when they have an audience. Usually, it's because they hope you'll step in and solve the problem. (You can sometimes tell that this is happening because your son's comments are directed at his sister, but his eyes are on you!) Therefore, it stands to reason that if you leave the room, they will have to solve the problem themselves. A large amount of verbal battles will fizzle out without a parent's interference. If you think about it, you'll really love this solution. It gives you permission to follow the essence of the advice from a particularly appealing bumper sticker I've seen, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping".
    Identify and solve the problems: Try to identify if there is a pattern to the kids' fights. Do they typically fight over one thing, say the computer, or choice of TV shows? If so, make a schedule for computer or TV use. Do they always fight while you're making dinner? You could enlist their help in preparing the meal, feed them a healthy snack, or have a routine activity planned during that time, such as homework or chores. Do they always fight over who sits where at the table, or in the car? Assign specific seats and rotate them monthly. Do they fight while they are getting ready for bed in the evening? Let them take turns using the bathroom, one at a time, for a specified time. The idea here is to identify the "hot spots" between your children and create a plan to prevent the problem from continually causing arguments

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