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    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jun 1, 2017, 09:16 AM
    What do they expect of me?
    My parents and I haven't been getting along so well lately arguing lots. At the moment I'm grounded for 3 weeks which is not so much fun. My mum is disappointed in my behaviour my dad is so angry with me. My dad has told me if I haven't changed my attitude by the end of the 3 weeks then I will remain grounded. How am I suppose to change my attitude? I don't understand I tried to ask him but he told me to stop back chatting. I just want to get these 3 weeks done so I can get away from them. I'm just looking for a little advice, how do my parents want me to be? What can I do for my parents to see me as how they want? I don't know what they want
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #2

    Jun 1, 2017, 09:18 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    My parents and I haven't been getting along so well lately arguing lots. At the moment I'm grounded for 3 weeks which is not so much fun. My mum is disappointed in my behaviour my dad is so angry with me. My dad has told me if I haven't changed my attitude by the end of the 3 weeks then I will remain grounded. How am I suppose to change my attitude? I don't understand I tried to ask him but he told me to stop back chatting. I just want to get these 3 weeks done so I can get away from them. I'm just looking for a little advice, how do my parents want me to be? What can I do for my parents to see me as how they want? I don't know what they want
    What are you and your parents arguing about?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,104, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Jun 1, 2017, 09:32 AM
    What happened to that uncle you were having trouble with and the police reports?
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Jun 1, 2017, 09:53 AM
    We have been fighting about me I guess. They think I have changed, they keep saying I have a bad attitude. I got in a bit of trouble at school and stuff so there not happy about it.

    My uncle waz arrested and charged. He has been to court pleaded not guilty, the case has been remanded for a later date which is not until July. My parents don't tell me much about what's going on. I don't really care I'm glad its far away I don't even want to have to go to court.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #5

    Jun 1, 2017, 10:40 AM
    "Bit of trouble" at school? Like, what?

    Your parents fight with each other over you? About what?

    Ask for a family meeting. Ask them to give you three SPECIFIC ideas or suggestions on what you can do differently to improve. Write them down and post them in a place you will look at often. Do your best to follow those suggestions. Meet again with your parents in a week to talk about your progress.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Jun 1, 2017, 11:33 AM
    I don't really want to say I'm embarrassed by my behavior. I'll just say I'm suspended from school for 4 days. No I didn't mean they fight with each other just with me. No ones happy with me but I don't care anymore. I just wang to get away from this house and my parents so I just have to figure out what it is they want. Thanks for the idea if I ask them then its easier than guessing.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #7

    Jun 1, 2017, 12:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    I don't really want to say I'm embarrassed by my behavior. I'll just say I'm suspended from school for 4 days. No I didn't mean they fight with each other just with me. No ones happy with me but I don't care anymore. I just wang to get away from this house and my parents so I just have to figure out what it is they want. Thanks for the idea if I ask them then its easier than guessing.
    Yes, ask them. And do your very best to cooperate with them. If you get away from your house and your parents, you'll have even bigger challenges in getting along with schoolmates, coworkers, supervisors, neighbors wherever you live. Will you be able to manage that? And if you can't, then what? The steps you take now to improve how you get along with others will help you during the rest of your life.

    I wonder what's causing you to be rebellious.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Jun 1, 2017, 03:24 PM
    I đidnt mean I want to leave home move out, I know that would be a hard thing at my age. I just meant that it would be great for my parents to unground me so I can not have to be forced to be around them. I'm sick of them treating me like a small child it's so frustrating. I find them to be hypocritical they treat me like a baby but yell at me to grow be more mature. Why do parents act all knowing? We know what's best for you, no you think you do but your not me you don't know who I am what I want. I'm not being rebellious you think the same as them. I had a bad day and done a lot of things I shouldn't have stupid yes. I acept my punishment 3 weeks grounded fine the constant talking yelling watching I can't do I'm just refusing to talk to them. I'm so angry
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #9

    Jun 1, 2017, 03:37 PM
    But you're acting like a small child! That's why they're treating you like one.

    What would you say and do if you had a child like you?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #10

    Jun 2, 2017, 04:35 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nothingless View Post
    I đidnt mean I want to leave home move out, I know that would be a hard thing at my age. I just meant that it would be great for my parents to unground me so I can not have to be forced to be around them. I'm sick of them treating me like a small child it's so frustrating. I find them to be hypocritical they treat me like a baby but yell at me to grow be more mature. Why do parents act all knowing? We know what's best for you, no you think you do but your not me you don't know who I am what I want. I'm not being rebellious you think the same as them. I had a bad day and done a lot of things I shouldn't have stupid yes. I acept my punishment 3 weeks grounded fine the constant talking yelling watching I can't do I'm just refusing to talk to them. I'm so angry
    Listen to what you wrote. Wondergirl is spot on... mature people "get" that words and actions have consequences... very real ones that you can't try and talk your way out of... children do not understand that yet and you get the really lame excuses they dream up.

    In the REAL world... how you act and how you respond DOES and always will directly affect how everyone around you will treat you. For good OR bad.

    Think before you act... and especially before you react.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Jun 2, 2017, 03:51 PM
    Yes your right I am acting like a small child. I know I deserve to be grounded, I haven't spoken to my parents very nicely and what happened at school was a stupid mistake. I don't know why I was so angry with them I should have been angry with myself. I will have time to think about it and try and find a way I can apologize for my behavior towards my parents. I feel so conflicted with the thoughts and emotions in my head I definitely need to think more before I do anything. Thank you for helping me see how I was acting
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,104, Reputation: 10852
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    #12

    Jun 2, 2017, 05:12 PM
    With all the trauma and drama you are going through I understand your anger, and obvious lashing out. Glad you calmed down a bit, and maybe you can see not only was your anger directed at the wrong people, but it's false to be angry at yourself too.

    I hope you AND your family can get the help you need to get through this situation.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #13

    Jun 2, 2017, 08:26 PM
    I'm not a physciatrist, or a phsychologist, but this behaviour you're exhibiting is classic abused child syndrome. You have so much that's happened to you, so many things you still have to do to put the man that did this to you, in jail. You're stressed, you're anxious, and it likely feels that nothing in your life is in your control, except your attitude, so why not have a bad one? Why not make everyone feel like you're feeling? I totally get it.

    Now, knowing that I get it, doesn't mean that I accept it. You hae to work through this. I know you said you don't want to talk about this, you just want to put it behind you, forget about it, and move one, but obviously that's not as easy as you thought it would be.

    Have you seen a therapist? Have your parents even talked about sending you to one? If not, why?

    I'm speaking from experience here kiddo. My way of acting out was sleeping with anything that moved. I figured why not, I was damaged goods anyway. It didn't help me at all, in fact it made me feel even worse about myself. It wasn't until I met a great guy (my husband) and went to therapy, that I realized why I had done what I did, and that I was trying to hurt myself because of the pain I was feeling, and because I felt I was to blame for what happened, no matter how logical it was not to blame myself.

    Therapy kiddo. I mean it. Do it, it will help you so very much.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Jun 3, 2017, 03:29 PM
    No I haven't seen a therapist, my parents have talked to me about it but I don't want to. I don't want to do any of it anymore. It's too much I have to go see lawyer for case this week, meeting with principle to be re-entered into school they also want to to see school counselor to talk about what I did at school. Fighting with my parents because they are frustrated at me I guess. I just can't do it and I don't want to. I've tried to talk to my mum about it bug they don't listen. I just want to check out of my life for

    I'm just scared and anxious so maybe I should just listen to everyones advice, seems to all be the same and go see a therapist.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #15

    Jun 3, 2017, 04:44 PM
    Try it. Interview several. Decide on one. Talking with a counselor might be, you eventually decide, the best thing you ever did. What you say is supposed to be confidential, so make sure that will be the case. The therapist will probably drag your parents in for a session or two, so be prepared for that. AND if anything doesn't feel right after you give it a fair chance, it's your right to quit. Now, please give counseling an honest try!
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Jun 4, 2017, 02:44 PM
    I'm not really good at talking to people I don't know makes me feel very anxious. I feel very uncomfortable and can't even look at them. I don't now how to not feel this way, sometimes I stress myself out so much about going out with my parents and seeing new people that I get sick and don't go. I've avoided going and seeing a therapist because of this reason and I just would rather not. But seems like I'm not going to have much of a choice with seeing the school counselor so I will see jow that goes. Not really wanting to do it makes me sick just thinking about it.

    I really hate my life right now so much pressure to do what everyone around me wants or feels is the best for me. I should be thankful I have people in my life that care, but I'm not I just want to shut my door and cry
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #17

    Jun 5, 2017, 01:54 PM
    Shutting the door and crying can be a good thing. Let it all out, let yourself feel. Keeping it all in means that eventually, you'll burst.

    This is too much for a kid to handle. It's a lot of stress. First the stress of what happened to you, and now the stress of a trial and your parents being upset and stressed, and it likely feels like it's all on your shoulders.

    Try telling your parents that. Tell them that you're overwhelmed, that you're stressed, that you're scared.

    I'm pretty outgoing, but when it came to talking to a therapist I was scared to death. I just didn't see how it would help at all, talking to a stranger, telling him/her things I hadn't even told my best friend. It was all too weird. The first few sessions were a bit odd, mostly she did the talking, and she just asked questions about me, what I like doing, what my hobbies are, things like that. She waited for me to talk, but as we had more sessions, she started asking more pointed questions, questions that got me to open up. It wasn't long before I felt comfortable enough to tell her everything.

    Now, having said that, it can take time to find a therapist that you can work with. Just because someone is a therapist, doesn't mean they'll be the right one for you. So shop around. You might get lucky and find the one the first try, or it may take a few tries to find one that really helps.

    I know it's scary, but you really need someone to talk to about all of this. Your parents are too emotional about it all, the school counselor really won't have enough experience to deal with this issue, and your friends won't understand because they've never been through it. A therapist is really your best bet kiddo.
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #18

    Jun 5, 2017, 02:49 PM
    I've tried talking to them about how I feel but they don't listen or maybe I'm not taking what they are saying which is basically the same as everyone else "go and talk to a therapist ". It upsets me and makes me think too much when it feels to me they don't want to talk to me but I understand I guess.

    I am so unbelievable scared to do any of the things I have too, I scare myself at some of the thoughts I have also. If it will help me to see a therapist then I can only try, I will ask my parents no more excuses to not do it. Thanks you all have been so kind and helpful to me while I get my head around what I need to do .

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