Check out some similar questions!

sparktrainer · Apr 3, 2008, 12:31 PM

My 16 year old daughter has been dating a 17 year old boy for several months. At first, my wife and I found him to be a very nice boy. It didn't take long, though for him to show himself to be a "hot head". I have heard him yelling at my daughter on the phone, I have seen texts from him, in which he calls my daughter foul names and has accused her of having sex with an entire soccer team! He also threw a cussing fit in a class where the teacher had to have the resource officer escort him the office. I have refused to allow her to go out with him because of this, even though I realize they can do a lot behind my back.
My daughter assures me he has never been abusive. My concern is obvious. I don't want to allow my daughter to be in harms way. Should I forbid her dating him or should I keep him close?

BMI · Apr 3, 2008, 12:39 PM

I think because you are the parent of the teen that these incidents are appearing perhaps more than they actually are. I say that because a lot of teen boys are considered trouble makers, it's a "trying to be cool" thing. As for cussing and the accusations of sleeping around, I hesitate to say its normal, but understandable behaviour (actually typical behaviour really) for young men.

I, myself, was kind of like that in high school (which wasn't so far off). If I got mad I got hurtful, I got into trouble at school, but it was teenage hi-jinx. I doubt any guy would be perfect and if he appeared so it would be an act, likethe first time they meet a girls parents, polite and proper.

Definitely keep a eye out but fall well short of forbidding her to see or talk to him, basedon the information provided it would be premature. Also, you run the risk of her sneaking behind your back with him, better you know what she is up to and perhaps question her about his behaviour.

Definitely a tough situation. All the best.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 3, 2008, 12:52 PM

This is not the type of boy that I would want around my daughter, I am not sure how easy it is to forbide but I would certainly try.
He is just one hit from being abusive, sadly this "hood" act is considered the right way to be, and if your daghter believes this is the way she should be treated, there is issues there that need to be addressed also

KRB12608 · Apr 4, 2008, 01:17 PM

I know being a parent and having the concern on how your children are treated and who they hang out with. But in a dating relationship it can make things worse for both you and your daughter at home. It may bring up arguments a lot on why she couldn't see her boyfriend, which can make life really hard. All in all one way you could deal with it is by letting her have him over at the house more so you can get to know him better and see how he treats her around you. If he treats her badly around you and yells then it would be time to sit down and tell your daughter why you do not want her dating him. Hope this helps you out!

Wondergirl · Apr 4, 2008, 01:30 PM

I would befriend the boy. He may have a rotten homelife, absentee parents, is fatherless, and/or has no direction in life. You could be the best thing that happens to him. Invite him over for supper or to interact with your family or to go with the family to church or to a movie or on a picnic. Give him good role models. Include him in conversations and discussions. Encourage him in his schoolwork.

Like someone said, the more you try to separate your daughter from him, the more she will want to be with him. Of course, use good sense in how you parent your daughter as to rules for dating and her involvement with this boy. Having fair and reasonable rules and limits are good for both of them.

Alan90 · Apr 6, 2008, 06:02 PM

I I'm 17 years old and have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, she is 16 and often complains to me about problems with her father. If she asks to do something he disagrees with he will tell her no and not even explain or try try allow her the opportunity for her to understand how he really feels about it. Also he doesn't listen to her and if she makes her point (a valid "good" point) he will not take notice and still refuse when perhaps reasoning with her would be a better idea.

I don't suggest you freely let them carry on dating until you have a good talk with her. Sit her down and speak to her properly (dont get agrevated even if she does)
Maybe even show her this thread so she can see your genuinly worried about her and not just stopping her doing what she wants. Explain to her that if he says abusive things and shouts at her it is not normal and can lead to very bad things.

starfirefly · Apr 6, 2008, 07:30 PM

You need to let her know that there are many forms of abuse and if he's calling her names that's emotional abuse and she should not be so forgiving, if he does it once that olny means next time will be worse

foreverblue8691 · Apr 7, 2008, 06:14 AM

Originally Posted by sparktrainer

My 16 year old daughter has been dating a 17 year old boy for several months. At first, my wife and I found him to be a very nice boy. It didn't take long, though for him to show himself to be a "hot head". I have heard him yelling at my daughter on the phone, I have seen texts from him, in which he calls my daughter foul names and has accused her of having sex with an entire soccer team! He also threw a cussing fit in a class where the teacher had to have the resource officer escort him the the office. I have refused to allow her to go out with him because of this, even though I realize they can do alot behind my back.
My daughter assures me he has never been abusive. My concern is obvious. I don't want to allow my daughter to be in harms way. Should I forbid her dating him or should I keep him close?

I am in high school... and this is not the kind of guy I would date. He is obviously emotionally abusive and if that is not enough he isn't far from being physically abusive. He needs to go away! And he needs to go fast. I know if my dad someone was treating me like this the boy would be in the hospital... you are the father, you get to be protective. Little girls need their daddy to take care of them, even if we like to believe we are too old to need help.

blacksinz · Apr 7, 2008, 06:25 AM

Wow. Even Im not tat bad. In school I only get scolded
for joking too much. Swt well the more u don't allow to let her see the guy the more she will want to be near him. Last time my dad used 1 method tat made me think about what he said. He said u reli wan spend your whole life with 1 person! There are a lot more girls in the world. U need mix around see people. Know what are the quality of good and bad people. And do u think she will always stay by urside? When there's a better guy she going leave you. Try think about it. LOL when he said tat got me thinking a lot. End up I broke up with my girlfriend she liked a guy just two days after we broke up. Just don force her to not see the guy. Can always try my dad method. =p

bushg · Apr 7, 2008, 06:30 AM

My advice is to nip it in the bud, it will be much easier for her in the long run.
When we as parents do not make it easy for them to see their love interest they get tired of it pretty quickly and move onto something that is more enjoyable.

I have a son that has had a very troubling time with a girl and I finally had to put my foot down. I just wished I had done it sooner. You can only talk to her so much in hopes of her seeing it your way, but in the end you have to do what is best for her whether she likes it or not.
I say follow your gut instinct.

Lo02 · Apr 7, 2008, 08:25 PM

KEEP HIM CLOSE!!

By forbidding it your daughter will be tempted to be with him more and even if she is not tempted to she might take every chance she can to see him or him to her.

Be careful of how you do it and don't come off as un-trusting of your daughter because then she might shoot back at you.

kitten94515 · Apr 12, 2008, 06:15 AM

How do you know about the texts, is my question.
I see that you are trying to help your daughter but
Don't you think she is old enough to handle it on her own?
She's a big girl, and she needs to deal with her own problems.

N0help4u · Apr 12, 2008, 06:29 AM

IN some states she can legally see any guy she wants at 16 and the parents have N0 rights to say otherwise---as far as the law is concerned.
Your daughter is not seeing the yelling, cussing, accusations and belittling as abuse. In her mind it proves her love for him that she can endure the treatment. She has no comprehension that it only gets worse. She is not seeing that if the boy accuses her he has serious trust issues. Most likely will end up controlling her to the point that if they ever got married he would watch and control her every move to the point she felt totally trapped and smothered.
She can not see that this is only a fraction of what he is capable of. Often verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse.

I think one thing you might try is get her in a domestic abuse class where other women can tell her that they thought their boyfriend was the love of their life and wouldn't listen to others and where it ended them up at.

MOWERMAN2468 · Apr 12, 2008, 02:45 PM

Do some yelling yourself, and let him know that he is not to be that way around your daughter is probably what you want to do, but may not be the politically correct thing. Beats me.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2008, 05:18 PM

She is a minor and it is your responsibility as a parent to intervene. She can get mad if she wants to. (she obviously does not understand this boy is verbally abusing her.)
Parents need to stop worrying about the kids getting mad, she may but in the long run, you will have done your job. There is no way I would stand by and allow some punk to abuse my daughter and not do anything.
She is 16 and under your roof and protection, and you have very right to forbid her from seeing this boy if you see him as being dangerous. I would talk to this boy's parents and let them know what's happening and ask that they get a handle on him as well.

talaniman · Apr 12, 2008, 08:01 PM

Just me, I would have a personal, private conversation with the fellow and let him know how fast he can get my shotgun shoved up his a$$, if I even think he is mistreating my daughter. My wife took care of that though well before she was of dating age, so calling her out of her name, or even raising your voice will result in a solid left hook to the eye. You better talk to this boy and give him fair warning, maybe a demonstration, though your daughter may not be happy about it! So what?

Homegirl 50 · Apr 12, 2008, 10:42 PM

Have to spread some rep, but I agree with talaniman 100%