[bronco8608]

My daughter is 22, married and has two children. We have had a very rocky relationship. She is in and out of my life. This latest time, my mother-in-law let them rent a house for 5 months and told them it was going to be sold, but they could stay as long as they understood it was temporary and took care of it. They paid 5 months up front. Well when they needed to pay rent, she thought she didn't have to pay that month. Then the next month she doesn't have it. Also, she was working, got laid off and then quit. He has had several jobs, but lost them all. Then it was my fault he couldn't work because I wouldn't watch their children or give them rides, etc... My mother-in-law found our she has brain cancer and is dying. I am taking care of her most days. She was caretaker of the home which is part of an estate. She wants out of it, and her sibling decided to sell it. I texted my daughter to let her know, and it all went crazy. It's my fault, where are they going to go? I'm putting her babies on the street... She hates me, all kinds of threats and the f word. Then she starts telling my husband I'm talking to a guy I used to go out with a few times. My husband is all upset. Why would my daughter lie about that? It's absurd. She put all kinds of stuff, personal stuff about me on Facebook, some of it with a grain of truth, but with her spin on it to cause maximum pain. She's left messages threatening to slit my throat and shoot my husband. There are some stuff in our background, but we had made up and forgiveness given. But when I can't or won't do whatever she needs to get herself out of the messes she gets in its all my fault. This isn't my property, I have no control over it. I think she's directing her anger at her husband at me, but this is way over the top. I don't know what to do. I have told my husband that he needs to trust me, and understand she is trying to ruin my life like I have ruined hers yet again. I just don't understant how this is my fault. My heart is breaking. I am losing my daughter and my grandchildren yet again. I just don't understand.

[magggs1]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My mum left me and my 2 brothers when we were teenagers and reappeared years later. I HATED her for this. We argued all the time, and I'll be honest, nothing she said or did was good enough! When I became pregnant for the first time, we became closer, but its always in the back of my mind what she did. I know she's your daughter, but it sounds to me like she needs a short sharp shock! Apply for a court order to get her out of the house, in this day and age there is no excuse for living on the street, there are bed and breakfasts, hostels, shelters, and even trailer parks! If its only temperery it shouldn't matter to her, her grandmothers health should. Personally I would contact the police about the threats she has made, I know she's your daughter, but with everything me and my mother have gone through, she's still my mother! She needs to learn you will not tolerate this behaviour! Whether she is an adult or not, what sort of example is she setting her own children? I hope matters get resolved soon. Best of luck xxx

[Jake2008]

You state all the facts, and you are correct- at least I see things the same way- yet, everything is clouded with the relentless barage of insults, and worse- threatening to kill people goes beyond just being angry.

You have no control over the sale of the house in question. I agree that the anger your daughter has, is because she has to put on her big girl pants, and behave like a responsible adult, and find, with her own resources, suitable living conditions for her family.

At her age, there are no excuses to expect mom to bail her out, offer free sitting, and/or to be responsible when life doesn't always go like she wants it to go.

Tough? Absolutely. But, to continue to allow yourself to live your life under constant threat, and emotional abuse, is a terrible waste.

I would personally take steps to set a new precident. Get a hard copy of any and all comments and opinions of you. Record all phone calls. Date and write out any 'incidents', such as this current issue with the house.

Stop allowing yourself to be her punching bag. Get a restraining order if you cannot establish boundaries that are respected. And set those boundaries, in an email (get a copy), and detail why you are taking control of your OWN life.

Make it very clear, that if the behaviour does not stop, you will get police involved. Then do it.

I think the history with your daughter most likely includes far more incidents than this recent one. Likely, waiting it out, giving in, and turning the other cheek, has never worked.

She is an adult. Treat her like one, and in so doing, you are doing her a favour, by forcing her to take responsibility for her own life.

As long as she can walk all over you, she won't change.