[epawls]

I need help with this one. It looks to me like Bi-polar disorder, but I am not qualified.

For a few days out of a week, my wife is happy and "normal". About once a week, she will pick little fights with me over BS like small messes on the counter, work not being completed... essentially whatever is out of its normal state that is within her line of vision will be thrown in my face. In between the nit picking is her storming around the house and leering at me while maintaining almost complete silence... only breaking the silence to further the nitpicking. She will nit pick at me until I either ask her what the problem is or until I lose my cool because I am tired of her being negative over and over and over. If I bring it up, I try to do it subtly and respectfully. When I bring it up, I either get more silence/attitude/nit picking... a leer and a comment like, "nothing is wrong" or she will freak out.

It always ends with us saying things to each other that we do not mean/she leaves and goes to her mother's for a few days/we make up/there are a couple days of normalcy/the cycle starts over again.

The issue is never dealt with. The issue being, her being upset over something... not necessarily me... and she taking her bump in the road out on me both verbally and emotionally.

Is this BPD? If so, what can be done to combat this..

We are so not on the same team... I bust my rump around the house to try to please her, but nothing seems to satisfy her... she only demands more and refuses to accept that she has any faults, while focusing on mine.

Please help

[katieokell]

It sounds to me, in my very unqualified opinion, like it could be either OCD (obsessive compulsive) or Bipolar (or something else.. )
The stigma of OCD is that people tend to wash their hands fifty times, or only use their right hand to touch things - measurable, weird, identifiable traits of obsession and compulsion. However, that's not the case. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with OCD and the thing she obsessively and compulsively did was tell herself that she was not worthy of anything. This meant that any insult, or any insinuation that she did anything remotely poorly would lead her into hysterics, because it was proof to her that she didn't deserve anything.

You should try to get your wife to see someone and get help. There are a few ways you could do this:
- on one of her normal days, you could try to talk to her and see if she has noticed a change in her behaviour
- you could talk to a therapist yourself about what is going on, and get his/her help in getting your wife into his office
- have you talked to her parents who she goes to when you two get in a 'fight'? They may have noticed that her behaviour is a little odd, and may be a valuable resource as someone she trusts and sees as 'on her side' who could talk to her

Best of luck! I know things seem extremely frustrating, and what you described certainly doesn't sound like a great environment to be in. Just keep reminding yourself of why you married her, and that the woman you love is in there, somewhere. You can fight this, but to do that you two need to be working together, not against each other.

[epawls]

We are definitely not on the same team. There is no such things as "working together". She is tyipcally take take take. Talking to her mother would provide little to aid this situation. She is a product of her mother and her mother is worse of than she is. It is not OCD. She invokes negative focus on these things that are not in perfect order (eggs on counter... ) in a succession when she is mad about something. She will pick at me or my behavior until we are at the point of separation. She will just wait for me to do something little, like forget to use a turn signal, park on the wrong side of the street, leave a tool or something out of its place or focus on a mess... etc. once she finds that negative little thing, she will expose it and treat me poorly over it. This phenemonah will repeat itself until I try to say something to bring attention to it. Once I say anything, it is like a bomb went off inside her and again, more negative focus is placed on what I did... now I either "said it wrong" or I am totally out of line and she has no idea what I am talking about.

This happens all too much. It results in us getting real nasty with each other. I am on the verge of divorce because of it.

When I try to bring it up on normal days, it is like the 400 pound gorilla in the room that never gets talked about. It is a taboo subject any time of the year.

It is too late for counseling... been there done that... only put a band aid on a gaping wound...

She is who she is... I am who I am... it is a real shame