[weathergrl_24]

I was separated from my husband and in an early relationship with someone else. Well I was and am still in love with my husband and we slept together a couple of days and I am now pregnant. The problem is I also kind of slept with my boyfriend the next day. It was for about 10 minutes there was no ejaculation and neither one of us was into it. I believe my husband is the father he wants to be the father and we are seeing each other again and planning to be together. The only thing is I don't think he could handle this child not being his. I want to get a prenatal paternity test but don't want to risk the miscarriage that is possible. We both want and need to know if he could most likely be the father our life seems to be on hold because we do not know. I believe it is his because we slept together the day before and day that I calculate my ovulation and the other guy never came. I understand the precum issue but have read there had to have been sperm present to become pregnant from it. I was hoping to hear from someone who may have some knowledge on the issue.

[J_9]

I am sorry you do not understand the "precum" issue. In pre-ejaculation there is a great number of sperm. This is why the withdrawal method is not considered birth control.

Also, you will have to wait until the birth of the baby to determine paternity. Where I come from we have some of the most premier hospitals in the U.S. (St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for one) and none of them do what you call pre-paternity tests. They are just not accurate considering that the baby is intermingling its blood with yours during pregnancy.

If you slept with your husband the day before and the day of your ovulation, it is most likely his. But not 100%

[weathergrl_24]

I am sorry you do not understand the "precum" issue. In pre-ejaculation there is a great number of sperm. This is why the withdrawal method is not considered birth control.

Also, you will have to wait until the birth of the baby to determine paternity. Where I come from we have some of the most premier hospitals in the U.S. (St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for one) and none of them do what you call pre-paternity tests. They are just not accurate considering that the baby is intermingling its blood with yours during pregnancy.

If you slept with your husband the day before and the day of your ovulation, it is most likely his. But not 100%

Ive read that recent studies have shown there is no sperm in precum and if there are any present it is not likely to be enough for pregnancy because precum comes from the Cowplers gland and not the testicles.

[Fr_Chuck]

After the child is born it is easy to determine, not really much reason to worry till then.

I hope you have learned some lessons from this

[valinors_sorrow]

The problem is I also kinda slept with my boyfriend the next day.

Have you really defined it that way? I am sincerely asking this.

[J_9]

You may have read that in recent studies, but were the scholarly journals or just websites?

There is INDEED many thousands of sperm in precum.

[kp2171]

The problem is I also kinda slept with my boyfriend the next day.

The word "kinda" is really not needed, eh? You slept with the guy after sleeping with your husband.

A couple of questions. First, if you are truly back with your husband, does it matter whose child it is? Why in the world would you put him though the maybe its yours maybe it not debate? I'm assuming from your post that he knows its perhaps not his?

I just don't get it. If its not his what did you want? The other guy to be a part of the kids life?

And my understanding is sperm can be in the ejaculate if they are present in the urethra from a previous ejaculation.

[weathergrl_24]

Im not putting him through anything. He slept with me just like I slept with him. He wanted the divorce and I fought it for a while but eventually I gave in. When I started to move on he wanted me back and I am a very big fool for him. When we slept together the guy I was seeing had recently told me things were getting too serious. I really just wanted my husband back. I tried to move on. I did physically but my heart still belonged to him. When we were together it was out of love. We got married young and are still young.I don't know if the child being someone else's will make a difference I want to ask him but I am very nervous about bringing up the issue although we both feel it lingering. We don't live together but we spend time together and talk on the phone a lot. The "other guy" thinks if its his I should give the child up for adoption but even if I lose my husband over it that will not happen!I feel if my husband really loves me like he says it shouldn't matter who the father is. I have been honest with him. I love my husband second to GOD and I want the baby to be his He is a marine and may be going to Iraq soon and I need a part of him here with me.

[J_9]

Aha, I was waiting for the lesson,

You said that the precum comes from the Cowper's gland, this gland is otherwise known as the Bulbourethral gland and there are two of them. So, on with the lesson, directly from Hole's Anatomy & Physiology 10th Edition.

"The fluid the urethra conveys to to the outside during lubrication of the urethra (pre-ejaculate) is called semen. It consists of sperm cells from the testes and secretions of the seminal vesicles, prostate gland, and bulbourethral glands.

The volume of semen released during pre-ejaculationd varies from 2 to 5 milliliters. The average number of sperm cells in the fluid is about 120 million per milliliter."

I hope this answers the question.

[weathergrl_24]

the word "kinda" is really not needed, eh? you slept with the guy after sleeping with your husband.

a couple of questions. first, if you are truly back with your husband, does it matter whose child it is? why in the world would you put him though the maybe its yours maybe it not debate? im assuming from your post that he knows its perhaps not his?

i just dont get it. if its not his what did you want? the other guy to be a part of the kids life?

and my understanding is sperm can be in the ejaculate if they are present in the urethra from a previous ejaculation.

It sounds like you like to judge people. Are you perfect? We were legally separated and he told me before we were divorced to see other people because he already was!!

[weathergrl_24]

Aha, I was waiting for the lesson,

You said that the precum comes from the Cowper's gland, this gland is otherwise known as the Bulbourethral gland and there are two of them. So, on with the lesson, directly from Hole's Anatomy & Physiology 10th Edition.

"The fluid the urethra conveys to to the outside during lubrication of the urethra (pre-ejaculate) is called semen. It consists of sperm cells from the testes and secretions of the seminal vesicles, prostate gland, and bulbourethral glands.

The volume of semen released during pre-ejaculationd varies from 2 to 5 milliliters. The average number of sperm cells in the fluid is about 120 million per milliliter."

I hope this answers the question.

We could both talk to each other like one is smarter than the other but that would just not be very nice. You might know about health issues but I am responsible for pilot missions and have contributed to the war on Terror for the past four years forecasting weather for attack missions out to sea on ships six to ten months a year in the Navy.

[J_9]

Okay, so what does that have to do with anything? You know your stuff obviously. I know nothing about that and I never claimed I did.

You claimed that there were no sperm in pre-ejaculate, all I did was clear that up.

Sorry if you were offended.

[weathergrl_24]

You may have read that in recent studies, but were the scholarly journals or just websites?

There is INDEED many thousands of sperm in precum.

It was neither a journal nor a website I heard it straight from a doctors mouth.

[J_9]

Well, that may be so, but I am reading it in my medical journals as we speak. Remember that withdrawal is not a form of birth contol, if that were so then withdrawal would be considered a form of birth control.

Here is the definition of withdrawal according to Mosby's Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing & Health Professions 7th Edition, page 1983: A contraceptive technique in coitus wherin the penis is withdrawn from the vagina before ejaculation. It is not reliable because small amounts of seminal fluid carrying millions of sprematozoa may be emitted without sensation before full ejaculation. Also called coitus interruptus.

And, to this date, no form of birth control is 100% effective except abstinence.

Remember here, I am not lashing out at your choices. Those were choices you made, I am only presenting facts and being unbiased regarding your decisions.

So, I am only providing you with facts as of the 2007 medical books. Again I am not judging you, that was your decision.

If you want, present this to your doc and see what he has to say.

[kp2171]

No. I'm so not perferct. I'm irish. My judgements are usually quick and loud. Sometimes right. Sometimes not.

You're right... its your prerogative to sleep with as many men as you want to whenever you want to regardless of your relationship with them. This was a case of mutual agreement on the split... read more posts here and you'll see that is not the norm. most of the time one has fooled around without the others "consent". You slept with two men in two days and that is why you are in this situation. Your choice. Ill stay out of your bedroom. Glad you guys are giving it another shot.

If you are in love with him and he is in love with you then that's that. You want it to be his. That's reasonable. The other guys wants you to give it up if not. That's not his choice. Id list your husband as the father on the birth certificate, since you intend to keep the child.

Just make sure the child isn't what this relationship is about. You've said you love your husband. But there is a panic about whether the child is his. Well, again... it's a child you're carrying. You need to call it his and be done.

You can't change the past, you're newly committed to your husband and he to you, and the child deserves to be loved. That's hopefully enough for both of you.

We could both talk to eachother like one is smarter than the other but that would just not be very nice. You might know about health issues but I am responsible for pilot missions and have contributed to the war on Terror for the past four years forecasting weather for attack missions out to sea on ships six to ten months a year in the Navy.

** edited after posting... I've exceeded my being-an-a$$ limit today **

Another issue is ejaculation and precum and orgasm are not all the same.

A man can start ejaculation well before the orgasm, therefore what is sometimes considered precum is actually some ejaculate.

[J_9]

That is a very easy and simple way to put it KP.

I just quoted out of Mosby's to be on the safe side.

[J_9]

Jeff, please read the previous answers. Sperm is abundant, by the millions in pre-ejaculation.

[weathergrl_24]

no. im so not perferct. im irish. my judgements are usually quick and loud. sometimes right. sometimes not.

youre right... its your prerogative to sleep with as many men as you want to whenever you want to irregardless of your relationship with them. this was a case of mutual agreement on the split...read more posts here and youll see that is not the norm. most of the time one has fooled around without the others "consent". you slept with two men in two days and that is why you are in this situation. your choice. ill stay out of your bedroom. glad you guys are giving it another shot.

if you are in love with him and he is in love with you then thats that. you want it to be his. thats reasonable. the other guys wants you to give it up if not. thats not his choice. id go ahead and list your husband as the father on the birth certificate, since you intend to keep the child.

just make sure the child isnt what this relationship is about. youve said you love your husband. but there is a panic about whether the child is his. well, again... its a child youre carrying. you need to call it his and be done.

you can't change the past, youre newly committed to your husband and he to you, and the child deserves to be loved. thats hopefully enough for both of you.

Im part Irish so I understand. My ideal situation would be to have my husband as the father either way. I feel in my heart he loves me that much but I am hesitant to talk about that. I have asked if my being pregnant is the motivation for our getting back together and he said it isn't. So its in GODS hands. Thank you!

[kp2171]

I hope that is true, and I can understand the strain its putting on you, regardless of the fact it is your child, no matter who the father is.

There is only one other thing I'm compelled to mention, and I say this because my wife's brother has sometimes made choices that hurt his family... as in he sways back and forth from being a family man, and then being selfish and not centered on the family.

I am a reasonably religious person. I have faith, I'm not as public about it as others, and I'm more active than some too. I am not saying what follows to be preachy... take it for what its worth.

The only thing I want you to do is remember, God giving us free will is not fate. We are not on a helpless path. And the reason I say that is my sister in law often says "its in God's hands" when she's in a jam. I am in NO WAY minimizing or belittling belief in God and the trust that one should have in Him. It is in those difficult moments that that trust lifts you up and can keep you standing.

I am, however, asking you to not make the mistakes she has made.. . by using "Gods will" to get through bad decisions she has made and some her husband made, she has sometimes falsely validated those bad decisions, and repeated them... saying that's just the path God has planned for her.

Baloney.

Use of common sense and good judgement are not contrary to faith in God. I only say that because I've seen how it can be devastating when its used to validate bad choices. After a decade of struggle, and many bad decisions on both sides, my sister in law has finally left her husband, filed for divorce, and, so sadly, filed a restraining order this last week.

Gods will was for them to honor their vows. They failed on so many levels over and over. I think she's finally seen empowerment of action and self-direction through faith is what she needed all along.

I think you're getting yourself centered, and you have some things to work through. Make good choices and your life will be good.

Again, sorry if that came off preachy. I never want to see what happened to my sister in law happen again in the name of Gods will.

Allllllright. On that happy note I'm going to go play with my son. Best of luck.

[J_9]

Great post KP!!

Please know Weathergrl that we are here to help, not criticize. Sometimes the truth may sting, but we are really here to help.