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HeavenlySpiced · May 28, 2010, 04:24 AM

This is not a personal question; just some advice for a friend. But it does make me curious, if a parent was an oblivious liar, how would you respond to it?

Devorameira · May 28, 2010, 04:57 AM

It would depend on what the parent was lying about.

Could you provide some additional details about what the parent was lying about?

excon · May 28, 2010, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by HeavenlySpiced

how would you respond to it?

Hello H:

Most of us think our parents are different than everybody else. It's a bummer to find out they're not. Once you realize that, you'd respond with a shrug of the shoulders.

excon

redhed35 · May 28, 2010, 05:29 AM

I'm a parent and I'm a liar...

Sometimes parents have to lie,sometimes there are very good reasons for those lies... to protect,to maintain the magic (santa),and because sometimes a parent does what they have to do,they make choices based on the circumstances and information they have available.

Everyone lies... everyone.

HeavenlySpiced · May 28, 2010, 05:50 AM

What type of response is that? I am not talking about little white lies. I'm speaking of real lies. The ones that can hurt your kid in the furture. :confused:

excon · May 28, 2010, 05:53 AM

Hello again, Spiced:

Ok then. Tell us what particular lie this parent told this particular kid.

excon

I wish · May 28, 2010, 06:34 AM

Everyone has their reasons for lying. If you want to find out the truth, then you need to confront that person and see what he or she says.

So in your case, your friend is just going to have to confront his parents about the lies and get an explanation for it.

dontknownuthin · May 28, 2010, 09:52 AM

What's the situation specifically? You can't get a good answer to a cryptic question.

stephanie5 · May 29, 2010, 09:29 AM

MY dad is a complete liar ever since I can remember he lies and everybody in my town knows it. He lies to my brother and I all the time. He promised me a lot of things that were important to me and to any other kid but I know in the end its all just a lie. He'd lie to me all the time so I could be happy for the moment but then I would just go to my room and cry because I knew it was all just a lie. And it really was.. no joke

Fr_Chuck · May 29, 2010, 09:45 AM

OK, still no specific , lies.

But in some things most parents lie

Santa Cluas
Easter Bunny
Tooth fairy

In others some people, not just parents like to agree and promise things at the time they really mean it, but end up not being able to do it

0rphan · May 30, 2010, 01:30 PM

I think when you find out that they have lied to you, then you should come right out and confront them... what was the reason, was it a necessary lie!

looking4others · Jun 1, 2010, 11:25 AM

If you're talking about betrayal, then that's another story and a whole other way to deal with it. And, good question. The answers are probably as individual as the parents themselves.

positiveparent · Jun 3, 2010, 03:59 PM

I personally think its very wrong to lie to our children, for any reason we expect them to grow up and be truthful to us and yet we tell them pointless lies like the Santa lie,

My youngest child just last Christmas found out that Santa isn't real, and he was extremely upset that his Daddy had told him a lie, and we tell children this lie when they are in their most formative years, under 5.

There is no need whatsoever to tell our children lies, they can take the truth and like most people they will appreciate the truth even if it hurts at the time.

Im happy knowing my Son knows that Santa is a lie, but it hurt me deeply to see the look of disbelief and bewilderment on his face when he found out it was a lie, it also made me see that in my wanting him to be truthful towards myself and his Daddy I wasn't exactly setting a good example by my buying into the Santa lie, so any lie we tell our children is wrong, especially considering how we as parents set so much store by wanting our children to be honest, seems like a double standard to me.

A lie is after all a Lie.

My Son is only 4 years old and yet he was deeply upset by learning his Daddy had lied to him.

dontknownuthin · Jun 8, 2010, 04:05 PM

Oblivious means that a person is so intent on what they are thinking or doing that they do not notice what is going on around them, so your use of it didn't make a lot of sense. That's why I ignored the use of the word and I'd guess others did the same.

From your additional post that your father makes promises that he does not keep, I think he's just unreliable. The difference is that some people make all kinds of promises and think they are being honest when they make them, but they are kind of lazy or unrealistic, and then either can't or don't follow through.

When a person close to you is unreliable it's very frustrating. You are supposed to be able to rely on your father to back you up - he's supposed to really be one of two key people who always are there for you to rely on no matter what. Unfortunately, some people are flat out unreliable, and it makes no difference whether you are a bill collector or their daughter, you cannot count on them.

I have a family member like this. After he failed to show up for dinner parties, failed to show up to pick me up from work, failed to ever pay the money he promised to contribute to a group gift and so on and so forth, I decided to stop relying on him.

If your Dad promises you something, assume he won't follow through and operate as if the offer were never made. You want an Ipod and he promises to buy you one? I'd suggest you find a way to earn the money to buy it. If he follows through, you can return the one he gives you or sell it on Ebay. If he promises to help you pay for college, assume he's giving you nothing and line up financial aid and loans... then if he gives you money, whoo hoo... pizza for everyone!

If this is his character it will not change, so now you know this about him. Don't put yourself in a situation where you must rely on him and you'll be fine.

Take care!

Alty · Jun 8, 2010, 04:19 PM

Oblivious;

1 : lacking remembrance, memory, or mindful attention
2 : lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness —usually used with of or to

So the parent that's lying doesn't realize or remember that they're lying?

If that's the case, then how can you blame that person? How can you be angry about a lie that the person doesn't realize, or remember that, they're telling?

Or did you mean obvious? Look up that word and let us know which definition you're going for.

As for your question. There's no way to give an answer without the details. If the parent lied about an adoption, you may be angry, but perhaps there was a reason for the lie.

If the parent lied about buying a toy, there would be a different response.

It depends on the lie. Until you give more details, this question is to vague to give any accurate advice or opinion.