My stepdaughter has been in my life for the last 3.5 years of her life. My husband(her dad) and I have had primary physical custody for over 2 years now. Her mom has not seen or spoken to her for 6 months now. We do not know where she lives or how to get ahold of her. My stepdaughter is getting over the depression of it and is moving on a little with her life. She has begun calling me "Mama" and it has recently been the norm, and she barely calls me by my first name. I have NEVER asked her to call me this, but I somehow feel wrong for allowing it to happen. I do, however, always remind her that I even though I did not carry her in my tummy or take care of her when she was a baby, I feel as close to her as I do my own other 3 children and that I love her like my own. Is this wrong?

Indecisive in Indiana

I'm no parent. But I almost went through seeing my parent's split. I've thought about what I'd do with another man or women... If she's calling you mom, its clearly because she is trusting you more. She feels like you really love her as your own. Even as a young child, they are smart. (How old is she?) She may be getting over her mom not being around, but is used to you and feeling like you're a second mom. That's fine. She know's who her real mom is, she wolnt forget. But your more of a mom to her right now. I have had friend's who had step parent's. It take's a while, but sooner or later the kid will call them their mom or dad. Not because they forgot or gave up on their real one. But because they came to know you as a loving and trustworthy person in their life. That they see you as always there for them. If I was you I'd let her call you mom. Don't try to take place of her real one, but be there for her as a second one. Let her ask you things and be with you as you own kids do. That's important for a girl. My mom was never there for me, she had mental problems all my life. So I wish I could have loving parent's as I'm sure you and your husband are. Your kids, including the girl, are VERY lucky. She is your kid right now, I sure don't see her mom in the picture. She's going to miss a lot, but guess what, you woln't. If she grows up with you and not her real mom, she probably will think of you as her real one, merely because YOU were there. You loved her. That's fine. As long as she has a women to love her.

I am a child of a blended family, I was in the same situation that your daughter is in. And yes she is your daughter, my mom split after my parents divorce and I did not see or hear from her for three years. As far as her calling you mom, that is what you are. You are the one taking care of this child, and to be perfectly honest with you it is not up to you! That is a decision that she will and seems as if she HAS made. If you still feel wrong about it I would keep telling her what you have already told her, That no you did not carry her or give birth to her and just let her know that it is up to her what she calls you, but that you understand that she has a "mom" (if you even want to say that---I call mine my "Mother") and that you would never try to take her place in her heart but that you are there for her no matter what.
I can tell you this, I don't even know you but I am proud of you! I have been were your daughter is and I know the impact of a "step-mom" in this situation! You may never know how you helped this child but I can tell you that it is wonderful that you are stepping up and loving her! WAY TO GO!

Yes she should call you mom. Like they say there is 'biological mom and the mom that raised you' Most grown kids that I know say they consider the mom that raised them more mom than their biological one. AND she has emotionally abandoned her!