Rude and abusive adult child
Asked Oct 6, 2009, 03:13 AM
I have a mid thirties child who through no fault of her own is unemployed, living at home and diligently looking for work. I have supported her for a year and a half. There are times when she "wigs out", that is she becomes very very rude to me verbally abusive. I have tried to journal these episodes to find out what they relate to. I have discovered that they have no particular periodicy (for example with her period, or full moon or anything else I can identify) but when I pay attention to the content of what she yells it seems to be one form of blame or another towards me that is irrational, Fortunately, I have some ways of "reality check" in that there are adults and her sister who confirm that her "rantings" are way out of line. Interestingly, I find that a couple of friends also have a very similar situation with their child in the same age bracket ( for one she has many many children and the mid thirties child is the only one who has this behaviour pattern). Her sister told her that it is the "trend" in California (where none of us are, by the way) for children that age to "kick their parents in the teeth". So now there are 4 of us with a similar problem. Even if I were horrid (which by all independent opinions I am not) there is no excuse to be treated like that. One of my friends observed that "if what she says is irrational that is an indication that it is not really about you at all". I have said I will not tolerate being treated like that but that is an empty statement; I cannot enforce it. I won't kick her out in the cold with no money and no place to go and a restraining order is out of the question. She has finally agreed to go to counseling but I'm almost sure she will back out. Any insights?