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    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
    Adult Sexuality Expert
     
    #1

    May 2, 2016, 10:15 AM
    Potty Training Issues.
    I am hoping this is the right board. My daughter, two months short of her third birthday, is potty training. She is still non-verbal so this is has been an interesting yet frustrating process. Our problem is that she's eager to wear the big girl undies, but she's holding in her pee and poo and refusing to use the toilet or let us put a diaper back on her. It is a special little vicisious circle that is getting her frustrated and angry (a redhead so yea, it's bad) and putting us at a loss as to what to do.

    Any suggestion or help?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #2

    May 2, 2016, 12:53 PM
    How does she react when she has an accident? Does she stay dry for naps? Through the night? Have you tried the usual... reward chart, own potty, have her try at certain times of the day... such as when she first wakes up, after a nap, after a favorite show or activity, before going out, etc? Have you tried having her sit on a potty chair while your wife uses the toilet herself? How long have you been trying?

    Usually, when a child is ready physically and emotionally, it is relatively easy to potty train. It is an area that they have the final control over, so it's never an area to make into a battle of wills. Sometimes, if you've been trying for awhile, it can help to let it go for a time and revisit in a couple of weeks. Takes the pressure, and frustration, off everyone for a time.

    While she is non-verbal, she will understand enough to get the idea that if she wants to wear the big girl panties, she will have to earn them, by trying to use the toilet, letting you know when she has to go, or at least when she has gone, etc. Will she go for decorative pull-ups as an in-between stage?
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #3

    May 3, 2016, 06:16 AM
    She hasn't really had an accident, she will hold it until bed time or naptime when she gets a diaper. If she's in diapers, we change her before naptime/bedtime and she usually wakes up dry. If we're doing potty training then she'll wait until she has a diaper on for naptime/bedtime, and then go to town in it. We have tried the reward chart, didn't work. She doesn't like her own potty. She knows when she has to potty, will point to her bits and do the potty dance, but once she gets to the toilet she'll hold on to it. We have been trying on and off for a month or two, the last thrust was three good days, then the weekend (I was home) of BAD and yesterday of not wanting a diaper, wanting panties, but not doing potty time.

    We are trying to let it go for a while, but she's insistent on wearing the panties and not diapers. That is the problem.

    The pull ups didn't work.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #4

    May 3, 2016, 06:47 AM
    When she is on the potty, are you running a trickle of water out of the faucet? Typically the sound of running water triggers the brain to release the bladder.

    Honestly, most children don't like potty chairs, they are a waste of money. When mommy goes potty, does she take darling daughter? If not, she should. Mommy goes first, then daughter goes.

    In my opinion pull ups should never be used. They are only a diaper in disguise and it makes training confusing because they can pee in them, like a diaper, but are put on and taken off, like a diaper.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    May 3, 2016, 01:06 PM
    Once you get that first one or two successes, it is often an easier trek. Try her on the big toilet... we have a child sized seat within the adult seat and each one can be flipped up or down as needed. Child uses the big toilet, but no fear of falling in. It can be helpful for her to see how it all is suppose to work by viewing mom using the toilet. Your daughter can help by flushing afterwards. Sometimes just sitting on the toilet with a distraction... a story being read, for example, may help her to relax and let go in the toilet.

    If she is waking up dry, you can always let her stay in undies for naps or bedtime. Have a waterproof mattress pad under the sheets. For some children, being uncomfortable after an accident can be the catalyst.
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #6

    May 3, 2016, 01:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    When she is on the potty, are you running a trickle of water out of the faucet? Typically the sound of running water triggers the brain to release the bladder.

    Honestly, most children don't like potty chairs, they are a waste of money. When mommy goes potty, does she take darling daughter? If not, she should. Mommy goes first, then daughter goes.

    In my opinion pull ups should never be used. They are only a diaper in disguise and it makes training confusing because they can pee in them, like a diaper, but are put on and taken off, like a diaper.
    That is a good idea actually, the trickle of water. We initially tried the pull ups with the moisture activated cold pad... she liked the feeling of the cold against her bits.

    Quote Originally Posted by DoulaLC View Post
    Once you get that first one or two successes, it is often an easier trek. Try her on the big toilet... we have a child sized seat within the adult seat and each one can be flipped up or down as needed. Child uses the big toilet, but no fear of falling in. It can be helpful for her to see how it all is suppose to work by viewing mom using the toilet. Your daughter can help by flushing afterwards. Sometimes just sitting on the toilet with a distraction... a story being read, for example, may help her to relax and let go in the toilet.

    If she is waking up dry, you can always let her stay in undies for naps or bedtime. Have a waterproof mattress pad under the sheets. For some children, being uncomfortable after an accident can be the catalyst.
    The thing is she did well a few times then regressed to not being able to do it. We're thinking that she's figured that this is alone time with a parent where she doesn't need to worry about her little brother imposing. It is her exclusive time. So she'll indicate she needs to potty and then just sit there for 30min to an hour. She's on the big toiet and we're going to get a child size seat for the big toilet this weekend.

    She's been in the washroom while we've both used the toilet for almost two years now. We have no privacy, neither of us can potty in peace ourselves. The process isn't really a mystery she just... stalled out.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,812, Reputation: 5431
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    #7

    May 3, 2016, 01:35 PM
    What is going on while she's sitting on the potty? Does Mom or Dad hover and chat with her? Does she read books or play with a game?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #8

    May 3, 2016, 03:21 PM
    Since she can do it, and understands well enough what is expected, I would just keep it matter of fact from now on. No more diapers if she is staying dry at night. She sits on toilet when she wakes up, sits on it a couple of times throughout the day, before nap and bedtime. Just part of the daily routine. Give her a book to look at while sitting there. Don't know if you do or not, but maybe step out now and then so she doesn't have your undivided attention the whole time. You can be just around the corner, out of sight.

    They all get there eventually... :-)

    We got the toilet seat at Lowe's or Home Depot. It is a regular toilet seat, but it has a child one on the inside of it, so that you can put down either one depending on who is using it... works a treat! Some kids find it more comfortable to have a little step stool to put their feet on so that they aren't dangling too. Doubles nicely for reaching the sink to wash hands, brush teeth, etc.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #9

    May 3, 2016, 08:04 PM
    I actually remember my mom pouring water on my "parts" during potty training. It seemed to work for all of the kids in our family. With my own boys, I read a book called something like potty training in a day. Basically we spent a day in the bathroom eating and drinking with rewards for success. As a Kinder teacher, more and more of my students are coming in untrained. It doesn't take much more than a few pee accidents or the other to get them trained. They hate accidents.
    Hang in there!
    CravenMorhead's Avatar
    CravenMorhead Posts: 4,532, Reputation: 1065
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    #10

    May 4, 2016, 10:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    What is going on while she's sitting on the potty? Does Mom or Dad hover and chat with her? Does she read books or play with a game?
    We are there, talking with her. There is iPad books onoccasion. Otherwise it is her waiting, pointing out what is cool in the bathroom.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,812, Reputation: 5431
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    #11

    May 4, 2016, 10:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by CravenMorhead View Post
    We are there, talking with her. There is iPad books onoccasion. Otherwise it is her waiting, pointing out what is cool in the bathroom.
    Maybe she should be left alone to do her business and not be diverted with chatting.

    What about a pee and poop chart that she can put stickers on?

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