I have two young sons, 3 & 7. I am married, but my husband is seldom home. He works constantly so he doesn't have to deal w/the responsibility of raising the kids. To say they are WILD would be an understatement. They have NO respect for me or the limits I try to set and enforce. Every day is a struggle. I try not to react to the button-pushing, but they are constantly fighting each other, wising off to me and generally testing any limit I have. My 7 yr old in particular is nasty to me. Help!

You are going to hate to hear this, but all children are brats, and especially at that age.

Get you lazy husband to help you once and a while. One suggestion, next time the 7 year old acts up, take him in the car to your husbands office, go find your husband, leave your son with him and go. Trust me, that will get his attention. The amount of embarrassment and unprofessionalism that will cause him will help change his attitudes about raising his kids.

I am only half serious about what I just said. Fathers who work constantly for the sole purpose to avoid dealing with their misbehaving kids frustrates the hell out of me. And then I see the mother trying to deal with them on her own. I never understand why a woman would put up with a husband behaving like that.

Talk to your husband, yell at him, get him to help.

Your kids are trying to push you, see if you will cave. Odds are you have caved before, and that is understandable as it is a hard job. Me and my brother were brats as well, putting our mother in the same position you are in. So sometimes, when my Dad got home, she would have him yell at us and discipline us. Parenting is a lot of work, and when there are 2 parents, both should take a role in it.

Hi, pburke,
I understand your question completely; having raised 3 children (with my wife), which are now grown and moved away to good jobs.
All children are not like this; some to lesser extents, some to more, depending on the participation of both parents bringing them up.
My answer to your question of "what to do" involves your husband. Him not being at home much is part of the problem. They need a father around!
Please talk with your husband, and if you can, get him to go with you to some type of Counseling, maybe Marriage Counseling.
If he refuses to go, then make an appointment for yourself and your children together, and go for counseling. The counselor, if not the appropriate type, can guide you to another, who can help both you and the kids.
Please don't just continue "putting up" with their bad behavior. Life is just too wonderful to have things like this make it not so.
I do wish you the very best of luck.

Ok, everyone can have their turn at this politically incorrect answer.

A swat on the rear heals a lot of misbehaving.

Time out, no TV, (and I mean No TV) take away use of the computer, telephone, CD or game boy.

You are the parent, they will misbehave yes, they are kids, but they will respect or get tired of setting in the corner till bed time.

Captain, Chuck and Fredg are correct. Unfortuantely there is not one cookie cutter answer for your problem as all situations are different and all kids are different. I work 3-11pm (yes I am at work now) so that leaves my wife to be home with the kids during dinner time. Let me tell you, that is a very hectic time for her and I am sure there are many times she wishes I was at home. Difference is, I it is not my choice to work at this time. I try to help her out with the kids when I am home during the day. There are times when I have to fix things around the house but we work it out. My job allows for me to be available when my 2 yr old is being bad and she can call me and I talk to him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My point is, your husband needs to have an active role in raising the child. He needs to back you up and support you in raising the kids. I would have a serious talk with him.

I have a trick that I posted in another section that may help here. When you say no and you want them to listen make a conscious effort to listen to them when they say it... Ok so here's a test. When you all get into that wonderful stress reliving wrestling match that happens way to infrequently. When one of them says "no stop" get up and walk away. You were just told by another human to stop and "no means no". Now most likely one of them *probably your youngest* will come and ask you why did you stop. Just reply that ___ said stop and no means no and I would leave it at that. A little mutual respect goes a long way. The fact that we will sometimes view our children as something to rule over doesn't help. When the next time you tell them no and they continue, ask them what does no mean? When they say no then point out that you respected them and you should get the same respect back "it's only fair". The demand that you give them both the same portions of the ice cream, computer time, and mommy time. Why shouldn't they do the same for you. Once in awhile a swat on the rear helps reinfoce that your mom. Don't let the tantrums be in the public eye. They have a room for that and they are entitled to emotional outbursts, your entitled to not listen to them, and have them be in the privacy of that room... turn the music up so you can't hear it if it helps. It won't help over night but eventually it will help. Hope this helps you.

I have recently had to make changes in my parenting in order to keep order. Children need to receive respect and be treated in the way you yourself would want to be treated in order to learn it and return it.
Things need to be explained with examples - "child does not want to pick up his toys after you've asked and tells you "no" explain that Mommy doesn't want to do laundry, but it has to be done or there would be no cloths to wear - the toys have to be put away because if they are not they will get broken and lost and there will be no toys to play with.
It takes time and patience and it's a hard job, but it will get better.
I learned you can't rationalize with children because they are just to young to get it. They can be given choices, but not the choice to disobey or be disrespectful. Complementing them on every little thing they do good and make a big deal about it will help bring more and more good deeds and better behavior also. When they are fighting or being bad or disrespectful, simply say in a sad voice, "I am very disappointed that makes me sad" and walk away. Chances are they will both be in the other room "thinking" and will feel bad about their behavior - eventually, things will get better for you.

-Kae