Check out some similar questions!

warrie · Jan 14, 2008, 09:34 PM

:o
I ‘m single mother aged 32 yrs. Old of a 15 year old son. I am writing this because I am extremely depressed. I’ve just cussed my 15 year old out of anger. I’m not happy about it and in a matter of fact I am just down. I am tired of arguing with him. He isn’t a rabble teenager but one who thinks I was born aged 32. If I tell him to pull up his pants from below his waist he has something to say about it. He is failing once course but he refused to take tutorials at school. If I don’t push him to do something he will not push himself to do it on his own. He lies to me and I catch him in it. I don’t know what to do. I think I know he needs my help but I don’t know how to get him to communicate with me. I know arguing with him will not get him to open up. I know cussing him will not get him to open up but he will block me out. Is there anyone who can help me? I am tired, depressed and just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t go to his father which that is another story within it’s self. I know I have to deal with my teenager but how?:(

Momma to three · Jan 15, 2008, 04:28 AM

Perhaps some counseling would be helpful... either just for him, or for the two of you together. I'm dealing with my third teenager right now, and she is fifteen, so I understand how difficult it can be at times, especially if you're dealing with it on your own.

Bluerose · Jan 15, 2008, 05:24 AM

warrie,

He's a teenager! They are an alien species! And of course they know everything, duh! And you were born at 32! And no one knows how to dress right except them! And they wouldn't recognise the truth if it bit them on the bum. And yes, the mother is always the last to know. Accept all that and your life will become a lot less stressful.

Okay, so you already know screaming and shouting at him does no good. What about staying very calm and removing something of his, like pocket money or game console, until he gets the message that he has to earn it back by following the rules of the house in order to make living there bearable for all concerned?

As parents we often make the mistake of trying to be their friend. And as single mothers we tend to over indulge them, perhaps as a way of making up for the fact that their father doesn't live with us. Every so often we need to remind ourselves that we are the parent and they are the child.

We can't communicate with them properly when they are on the move. What we need to do is 'make an appointment' with then, tell them to be home for a certain time because we want to have a chat. Plan to sit down and have a chat with him, explain that some things are going to change, set out some new ground rules and boundaries, remembering to ask if there is anything he would like to add. Even if he begins to raise his voice remain calm and listen. He is entitled to his say too. Allow for a little compromise until you can both agree to everything. Then stick to them no matter what, even if he doesn't. You must be seen to be consistent - so stick to your guns.

Taking tutorials at school could be one of those things that earn him something, a reward of some kind. Some people don't believe in rewards and call it bribery. Quite frankly if it allows you to hold onto and keep safe your teenage son for a few more years I'm all for a little bribery.

I think he needs your help too, but not in the way you think. He needs you to stay the parent for a little while longer. He needs you to set down some fair ground rules and boundaries for him to follow. He need to know that you believe he is worth the bother.

I hope some of this is helpful. :)

.