I have searched many sites looking for information on my daughter and how to handle her behavior. It seems as though our situation is not unique, but it is most definitely very, very serious.

Allow me to summarize: My daughter is 17. Will be 18 in 5 months. After years and years and years of guilt, agony, intensive counseling, expensive and world class psychiatric evaluations, medications, special boarding schools, tough love, boot camps, and unconditional love my daughters behavior has NOT improved.

She assaulted me yet again yesterday by spitting in my face and throwing a metal object at me. The impact left my arm bleeding. This was because I had the 'nerve' to ask her about the newest damage to my car. She brought it home with various dents and a had driven several miles on a blown out tire, ruining the rim.

Her reaction has always been to absolutely go ballistic when confronted or questioned about her actions or behavior. This time was no exception and certainly not unique. When I told her she would not be driving the car again and took the keys from her the rage began. Again, not unique, not a surprise. She has acted this way for years. I have tried EVERY approach imaginable in dealing with this, from time-outs when she was little, to spankings, to calm talking... you come up with it, I tried it. This time, something inside me shut down. I kicked her out of the house last night. I told her that I was done living my life like this, in such horrible rage and turmoil, and it was time she either 'sinks or swims' on her own accord. Lest you think I am an evil, bad mother (which, yes I do feel like most of the time) - let me list just some of her actions and behaviors:

She has been treated for drug & alcohol abuse, twice in the last 4 years.
She has wrecked and totalled 3 of our cars. Stolen them each time, (no of course she didn't have 'permission' to drive any of our cars! She was only 13 at the time she wrecked the first one)! Thankfully no injuries to anyone - including the school bus loaded with 1st and second graders).
She has been arrested and jailed 3 times for various and sundry actions: shoplifting, excessive alcohol consumption, drug possession, and of course, car theft and property damage.
She has been expelled from 3 different schools. Permanently.
She has threatened to 'kill' every one of our family (her father, myself, her two brothers).
She lies about everything... compulsively, her whereabouts, her actions, her successes, her failures.
She has done over $40,000 worth of damage to our house alone - a combination of her raging actions and once breaking into the house and throwing a party when we were out of town (she lied about staying with a friend). We returned to town immediately, but not before the damage was done.

And the above are just the highlights, I would be here all day if I listed the 'little' things she does every day.

Now allow me to tell you all of the actions we have taken to try to help her over the years:

We have tried behavioral techniques, time outs, removing favorite toys, taking away privileges, adding chores and of course consequences, consequences, consequences.
We have talked, spanked, grounded, and talked some more.
We have yelled and screamed, we have used 'tough love'.
We have had her psychiatrically evaluated at some of the best adolescent psychiatry centers in the US! (She has been diagnosed, and re-diagnosed - bi-polar, depressed, anxiety disorder, ADD, ADHD, each time she is evaluated we are told that the last 'diagnosis' was 'wrong' and a 'better' description/diagnosis would be added).
We have seen more psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors than I can even begin to count.
We have tried to alleviate some of the consequences, we have allowed her to take the consequences of her actions (she has been incarcerated, required to do community service, pay financial restitution, etc).
We have given second chances... we have given 1000th chances.
We have had her in boarding schools, boot camps, regular schools and have allowed her to now take the responsibility of her schooling in her own hands. (Surprisingly enough, she has no learning disabilities and continues to keep a high B average)!
We have medicated, we have changed medications, we have used homeopathic remedies, naturopathic remedies, vitamins and every combination of them we could think of that might help.

All to no avail.

So, after returning my car yesterday (after taking it without permission) with various and sundry dents and scratches (which she claims she knows 'nothing' about) I lost it. I turned a corner in my mind - I can truly say I shut down emotionally. Completely. I don't care to help her anymore. I can not take even one more moment of guilt, agony or blame. I can not grieve any deeper, or any more. I can not continue to live my life with her in it. She has disrupted our family since she was a little girl. I have 2 wonderful sons, 15 and 23 who were raised in the same family, and are wonderful quality individuals. They have also been effected by her behaviors.

I think telling her to leave my home was the best thing. I gave her $40.00 to cover her food and get her through the next few days (she was on the phone shortly after I told her to leave happily making plans for someone named 'Jake' to come and pick her up so they could go 'party'). Lovely.

If anyone out there has any advice, or a similar experience (and god bless you if you have had to through this!) please, please, tell me about your own experience. I am heartbroken, saddened, and of course, I know, I am probably a 'bad mom' and can be blamed for not meeting her needs in some way... well, that may be the case but I do believe I have tried just about everything. I have told her time and again, I love her, unconditionally. I don't love her actions. Please feel free to give me any advice... it is so hard to just give up on your own child...





(We sent her to 'rehab' at a very expensive girls school ($7500/mo) (seriously) and provided her with world class counseling, support, and life skills managment).