Im 42 yrs old I have 3 children 11yr old daughter and 13yr old boy/girl twins. I recently came out to them over the christmas holiday after being divorce from their father for 5 1/2yrs. I never dated anyone when they were with me it was always the kids time. I am now in a seriously committed relationship and felt the need to tell them all. The twins hate me the oldest girl says I disgust her the oldest boy just doesn't say much either way holds it in and the 11yr old is so confused she doesn't know what to feel. The ex and his family are having a feeding frenzy out of this and using their church as the bait to keep them disconnected from me. How do I maintain a relationship with my children and still keep my sanity. The relationship Im in is serious we are about to move in together and my children refuse to be a part of my life.What do I do? Do I continue to try to be the mom Ive always been or do I wait for them to come to me to have the relationship we should?:confused:

I have never had any experience with this problem. However, I feel that you shouldn't push your relationship in their face. They will eventually come to terms with it. Just make sure they know you love them and you're not choosing this new partner over them. If it ends up being just phone calls, phone calls it is. They need as much time to deal with this new situation as anyone. Just give them time.

Ok I am from a split family, And although I am older then your children (im 21), and My parents devorce has only just been finalised after a long heartbreaking 2.7yrs of court cases and so on.. They were married and together 19yrs and it would be 22yrs... My mum has now been with another guy for 1yr as far as I know, (although the situation to which I don't agree with it is completely different and so on [prefer not to disclose my reason for disapoval]) I still find it hard to deal with, seeing my mum with another guy isn't easy, let alone this guy she is with... I seen there devorce coming for a few yrs prior to when it did but never expected it to turn out so nasty, but I was waiting for it and prepaired for they day they were to tell me they were getting a devorce...
Anyway So this is what I am trying to say...
You say your kids have never really seen you date (this can be both a good and bad thing). To me personally I think the reason why you disgust them is because they haven't seen you date and now all of a sudden your into a serious relationship and the last they knew you weren't dating so the fact that it is so serious comes to them as a huge shock, they are also reaching that stage in life where life isn't easy pubity is hitting and all the rest,. So you really need to let them know they will always be your number one priority like they have always been, let them know just because this man is now in your life that it doesn't mean that your time with them will be halved..
They will need time to adjust to the idea respect them if they don't want you around but at the same time let them know that your always going to be there for them and everything like that... you have to remember even though it's a serious relationship for the 2 of you it is a new idea for the kids so you need to take it slow with them.
I hope it all goes well.

Only time, at some point just being their mother will kick back in.
Remember for those who have grown up with strong moral values on this, it will take time to adjust to this. And you also have to be aware of the fact that not eveyrone will accept this and to them, your choice will never be accepted. Only time will tell

Sounds like you sprung a biggie on them. Kind of hard to picture someone different so quickly as you seemed to expect them to take it. I can't blame them for feeling shocked. Now that it is done, all you can do is give them time, and try to accept their thoughts. Don't try to force things on them no matter how much you love your partner. You kept them in the dark this long, so give them time to adjust.

Yes, I will note that Christmas time is often a hard time for people from divorced or split familie sto start with, And in general there is actually more depression during the holidays than any other time of the year.

So this also may have been about the worst time to "spring" it on them.
And perhaps discussing the life style, and being it in over time may have been a better chocie ( too late now)
So now, just be there to be a mom if and when the time comes.

Your sexuality is something you can't change.....

HOWEVER

dropping this as a family issue at x-mas is a tough one....

In fact, your sexuality is not something your kids need to process over time...

Family will forgive in the end if you live right - and your sexuality takes a back-seat to your morals... i.e. live as a good mom and if you fall in love in front of them, it's best with a person you will likely spend your life with - if you are going to bring them home...

Good luck.

They already had a hard time with you leaving and them being with their father. They are certainly punishing you now, aren't they? It's going to take them a long time (maybe until they reach young adulthood) for them to come to grips with the situation. You can be friendly with them, but don't force anything on them. You chose your present life without them and, yes, they are resentful about this still. You are their biological mother and always will be. Give them unconditional love and wait it out. If you show them you love them they will be able to see your love and will warm up to you and your new man. If your ex has not remarried to a "wonderful woman" your chances are a bit better of them warming up sooner to you. I know it sounds pretty crass of me to say this but possibly you just might have to "forget" about them for a little while and let them grow up. Being a teenager is not easy and having a mom who is leading her own life is really pushing the limit with them. Divorce is never easy for the kids as there is no course to take for them to understand that you have your own life now and want to include them in your present happiness. They are confused to put it mildly. Wait them out.

Well, just give them time and hang in there. It's hard enough for kids to find out that their parent is dating someone new after a divorce, and your coming out was probably a big shock to them too.

As far as their family pushing them away from you, I think they are wrong to do so. Regardless of their views on sexual orientation, you are the kids' mother and love them very much. As a person who didn't have a chance to know her parents, I think that any mom who loves her kids is worth having a relationship with. I once asked a minister who was anti-homosexual what he would do if he had a family member who came out. He said that he would love them no matter what, because God loves us no matter what. He said that just because he didn't believe the same way gave him no right to ignore or cut off contact with the person. It's too bad that your family isn't looking at it that way.

In the meantime, just let your kids know that you love them and that you are the same person that you always were. As they get used to it, they will probably come around. My boss's daughter didn't speak to her for a month when she found out mom had a new boyfriend. I think it takes kids a while to deal with it all. Good luck and I hope all works out for you.

1. They don't hate you.
2. Do NOT change your appearance ex:cutting your hair, etc.
3. Give them time
4. Your thirteen year old daughter is Definitely uncomfortable with you. Your relationship towards women is different towards her relationship, & she is a young woman.
5. I do not think your kids will ever call your girlfriend/wife mom. I think they will always think of her as more of a friend, & it might even be easier for them to open up to her
6. Just slowly start doing more & more family things with all of you, like going on small vacations, etc.
7. They might not ever feel comfortable with all of you guys in public, so lay off that