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View Poll Results: What is the most common cause of child(ren) being abandoned?

Voters
28. You may not vote on this poll
  • The husband/boyfriend decides to cheat on his wife/girlfriend.

    3 10.71%
  • The child was an accident.

    9 32.14%
  • After having a baby, the one person does not turn out as previously thought.

    6 21.43%
  • When only one of the two people involved decides to have a baby.

    3 10.71%
  • Other reasons.

    7 25.00%
    firmbeliever's Avatar
    firmbeliever Posts: 2,919, Reputation: 463
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    #21

    Sep 24, 2009, 06:35 PM

    I agree with J9, this should be a Sticky.

    As Artlady mentioned it sets up for a vicious cycle of messed up lives starting from one abandoned baby to the following generations.

    A suffering child grows up to be a confused adult,making the wrong choices,
    Mostly without the right education or information
    And ends up messing the lives of any family he or she starts without dealing with the existing issues.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
    Family & People Expert
     
    #22

    Sep 24, 2009, 09:07 PM
    I'm glad that this thread is drawing attention. Hopefully more people will vote in the poll as well.

    It's interesting to note that so far, 4/10 votes have been "other reasons". It just shows that nor matter how long my text is, there are still SO MANY other issues that I haven't been able to cover. This is really a HUGE issue. Hopefully with the addition of all your suggestions/observations/comments, it will help further complete what I've begun.

    I really appreciate all the responses I've gotten so far. Keep it up!
    shazamataz's Avatar
    shazamataz Posts: 6,642, Reputation: 1244
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    #23

    Oct 7, 2009, 10:25 AM

    Excallent post I wish, you pretty much covered everything really well, hopefully it opens a few people eyes.

    Only criticism is not to do with your post but with the poll... Your option for "Other" covers so so many issues as you said.. the 4 other reasons you listed are not the most common in my opinion.

    You have not covered reasons like money, work, schooling (for the mother/father if young), infuence by others, thinking they cannot or are not raising a child well, depression, all this would influence the high result for "other"

    It is also not based on fact which is what this site is all about... it's just a stab in the dark and people opinions on what they think would be common reasons when they may in fact not be.

    Sorry for the criticism it's just the first thing I thought when I saw the poll.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #24

    Oct 7, 2009, 10:57 AM
    Thanks for pointing that out shazamataz. The reason I listed those reasons is because they were the most common that I encountered in this forum.

    Furthermore, you're listing problems (money, school, work) that occur after the child was born. What I'm trying to point out is how to avoid that situation all together. Having a child comes with a lot of responsibilities.

    I was focusing on avoiding initamacy (or sexual intercourse) when a couple is not prepared with the fact that accidents can happen. The thesis should be, "don't have sex until you are ready to face the prospect of raising a child", otherwise, you're faced with a possible abortion. I wanted to keep it PG-13, but maybe I should have been more explicit.

    You're right, my question wasn't as clear as I wanted. There are many other issues that can be covered after a child was born, but that wasn't my focus.

    The question was suppose to be about one parent abandoning the child(ren) while the other parent raises the child(ren) alone. It's rare that money, work and school would kick the other person out of the house and the child being left with 1 parent. It's usually relationship problems, such as the possible answers provided.

    I hope that clarifies a few things.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,103, Reputation: 10852
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    #25

    Oct 9, 2009, 07:49 PM

    From what I have seen, the main reason children are abandoned, is the relationship fails, for whatever reason, and the woman becomes a single parent, often without support, or resources.

    Of course there are exceptions to the rule and I think many more men are getting it, and doing their jobs better, but its no secret that females are more in the work force, with less pay, and often must fill the dad role too.

    My vote is for a failed relationship, often for the wrong reasons, and too much to fast, with little knowledge, or experience, to really make things work.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #26

    Oct 13, 2009, 12:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    My vote is for a failed relationship, often for the wrong reasons, and to much to fast, with little knowledge, or experience, to really make things work.
    This is a very valid point. Feelings of lust can really rush a relationship that wasn't ready for the next level. Couples need to spend more time strengthening a relationship first before jumping into bed.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #27

    Oct 14, 2009, 07:51 AM
    There are too many babies being born without any consideration as to what it means to bring a child into this world. The decision to use birth control is of less importance than what colour nailpolish goes with which lipstick.

    Entrapment is one thing, where a woman/girl figures she can 'get her man' by having his baby is a sign of a very twisted thinking, that ultimately leads to taxpayer supported children and families with no father in sight.

    And what about young women who plan to have babies together, and have no intention of having even a relationship with the father. Knowing that they will be supported one way or the other, again by tax dollars, I know of three who plotted for months to have sex with men in order to all be pregnant at the same time.

    And of men who father several babies with several different women, and support none of them.

    And what of society as a whole, who remain generally silent, and accepting of all these babies being born deliberately into single family homes, and their mothers boo-hooing how tough it is to raise their children as 'single parents', when they chose to be single.

    Sometimes it seems like a new social status, and just under the surface is a whole social structure being supported without a whimper.
    Shadam23's Avatar
    Shadam23 Posts: 25, Reputation: 5
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    #28

    Feb 7, 2010, 03:14 AM

    I guess that no matter how the relationship comes about whether prepared or not it is a responsibility that need to be taken care of, you can always try your best to make the relationship work, but if nothing comes of the relationship and all turns sour, sorting out how the other parent can keep in contact or share care of the children would be best as sometimes we forget that our child/ren get the end of the stick or are the ones that suffer.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,292, Reputation: 2029
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    #29

    Feb 7, 2010, 07:30 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadam23 View Post
    I guess that no matter how the relationship comes about whether prepared or not it is a responsibility that need to be taken care of, you can always try your best to make the relationship work, but if nothing comes of the relationship and all turns sour, sorting out how the other parent can keep in contact or share care of the children would be best as sometimes we forget that our child/ren get the end of the stick or are the ones that suffer.
    That's exactly the problem. Many parents have children when they're not ready. Children have to be the priority, but if the couple isn't strong enough (i.e. if they stay as a couple) or the two people involved aren't responsible enough (i.e. if the break up), the children end up suffering.

    That's why when we consider having sex, we have to be prepared to face the possible consequences. It's not just our own lives that we are responsible for.
    Shadam23's Avatar
    Shadam23 Posts: 25, Reputation: 5
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    #30

    Feb 7, 2010, 06:33 PM

    If we were all planned most of human life would not exist!
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #31

    Feb 7, 2010, 06:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadam23 View Post
    If we were all planned most of human life would not exist!
    Which would most probably lead to a lot less poverty and suffering!!
    Shadam23's Avatar
    Shadam23 Posts: 25, Reputation: 5
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    #32

    Feb 7, 2010, 09:15 PM

    I guess if there wasn't any poverty and suffering how are we to ever progress? We all started from somewhere no matter what status you hold! We will forever be learning from our own and others mistakes. Nobody is PERFECT! Just Human!
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #33

    Feb 7, 2010, 09:34 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadam23 View Post
    I guess if there wasn't any poverty and suffering how are we to ever progress? We all started from somewhere no matter what status you hold! We will forever be learning from our own and others mistakes. Nobody is PERFECT! Just Human!
    Very true... but I didn't say ALL , just a lot less ;)

    But hey that'd be a whole new debate :)

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