Please, anyone out there who can help, I have a 19 year old daughter who is in her first year of college. She has done well, etc. but we have had a turbulant relationship since she was 13. I thought it would be better when she went to college but she just is getting worse about trying to run my life! I am a 48 year old female who has raised her by myself. When she comes home from school, she tries to run my life and rule my home. She makes my life miserable. I work a very stressful job and I cannot stand this pressure at work and home. She is going to be staying here for the summer in TWO weeks and I feel like I can't deal with it. I have tried to get a life of my own since she started college but she interferes so much, it's like what's the use? I am in a deep depression. Can someone please help?

Your daughter is only as disrespectful as you allow her to be. You need to set up some house rules BEFORE she comes home. Probably some of the turbulence has been borne from a deeply close and loving relationship that she is attempting (sub-consciously) to mature and move beyond. It is difficult for kids, especially children of single parents, to balance their need for their parents with their need for independence. I presume that as a single mom, you did depend upon her for a lot of things over the years, too. Part of the difficulty you are having with the upcoming summer probably has a lot to do with your own difficulties letting her go mixed with your desire to continue having her out of the home.

I think you should start by figuring out specific things that you need from her when she stays this summer, as well as specific things you will not tolerate. Follow this up by telling her, either in person or by phone, that you feel the need to set some ground rules now that she is 19, in college, living away from home, etc. for when she is home this summer. You must demand respect, while remaining a loving parent. You need to make it clear that if she is unable or unwilling to stick to the rules, that she will have to find another place to spend her summer holdays. You must be clear that the reason you feel the need to do this is because you want to continue to have a loving close relationship with her but the disrespect is causing you to distance yourself and build up resentments and you don't want that.

I think that with good honest communication and clear rules this should work out well. Remember, you are the parent. You have done your part and deserve to be respected.

Hugs, Didi