(I accidentally posted this in the "teen" section so I'm re-posting here. Sorry - new to this whole thing... )


I've been a single mom for almost 10 years and I have single-handedly raised my almost 19-year-old daughter. She is in college now, living in an off-campus apartment, majoring in a medical field.

Just a little while ago, we had yet another argument over the phone about money and rules. Every weekend when she comes home, she sleeps almost all day and then meets up with her friends from her hometown at night. She doesn't do drugs or drink. She does smoke, though, against my wishes.

I pay for her tuition, her rent, her car insurance (she drives my old car which is paid for), her groceries, basically everything. She does not have a job. I was okay with that because she needs daily tutoring in some of her subjects and I didn't want her to be stressed out, worrying about bills, during some of these extremely difficult classes.

However, she is not doing so well in school and is not pursuing the extra help like she should.

She told me she's lonely, and wants to bring her two friends from home to this college and they can all share an apartment together off campus. It looks like this is going to happen because the friends have taken the entrance exams and passed. They are actually apartment hunting today.

My daughter has been extremely disrespectful toward me every weekend - throwing profanities at me, especially - and it's all because I ask her to help out at home with her 3pets, to visit her grandmother, etc.

Her grandmother - my mom - has been fighting cancer for 2 years, and she is now in Hospice care. I'm the POA and the only daughter taking care of her despite having two older siblings. That's another story, though.

So, today my daughter told me that she and her 2 potential new roommates are planning on adopting a couple dogs when they get their new rental house. I told her it would be a mistake - a huge mistake - because she doesn't have a job, (I would be supporting yet another pet), she needs time to study and get extra tutoring, etc. She accused me of trying to control her life and said "Just tell me whether or not you'll still pay for my tuition and rent."

Her sarcastic, disrespectful attitude is getting to me. With my mom dying in a matter of days, I am just breaking down every single day in grief. I don't understand why my daughter can't back off and just wait on pet ownership. She already left me with her two cats and a hamster which I take care of. I have a small dog, too.

Am I being unfair to tell her no, I will not support another pet because it is going to take all of your spare time and any extra money you may earn (hopefully) to take care of it? She keeps saying she's almost 19 and I'm being extremely unfair. This weekly stress is taking its toll on me and I just can't take it anymore.

Thank you for any advice - I'm at my wit's end.:(