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Valeriegraham · May 24, 2014, 09:22 PM

I need help to get my daughter under control. Could someone please answer me with the NAMES of boot camps in or close to MI please? I can not find any. It would be greatly appreciated, Thank you, Valerie

J_9 · May 24, 2014, 09:33 PM

How is she out of control? What does she do and how do you discipline her?

tickle · May 25, 2014, 05:20 AM

I think nine years old is a little too young for any kind of boot camp. Does she act out in school too? I am thinking there must be some reason why a nine year old would act out with you. What exactly is she doing that upsets you ?

Valeriegraham · May 25, 2014, 05:49 AM

She is fine for everyone else. She yells at me, back talks, has gone so far as to hit me, calls me names, has said she was going to kill herself, claims not to be a part of the family. Yes I have tried counseling. I have to fight with her for 3 hours everyday to get her to do her homework. When the teacher sends it home to be redone for being messy she will not redo it. She needs her attitude adjusted as well as help with school work because she fights me tooth and nail over it. Even when I GIVE her the answers she will sometimes refuse to even write them! It is out of control! She goes in my make up and purse no mater how many times I tell her not too. I send her to her room to discipline her and have FINALLY resorted to spanking her about 3 times when she makes her ugg-grr sound at me for asking her a question. It is crazy. She inherited her Dad's temper even he admits it. I would like her to go to boot camp for the attitude adjustment and to learn how lucky she is at home instead of being so ungreatful.

DoulaLC · May 25, 2014, 06:56 AM

Does she treat her father the same way? If so, what is his response?

Was the counseling just for her or was it family counseling? How long did it continue? If you don't feel that you received adequate support and suggestions in dealing with her, and she didn't receive the same in dealing with her temper, perhaps a different counselor can help.

Ask at her school for support. The school counselor should be able to help you with various local programs that may prove helpful. With summer coming up, there are a number of camp opportunities, some of which will focus on helping kids get better control of their temper, feelings, and interaction with family members all built around fun and involvement.

Fr_Chuck · May 25, 2014, 07:03 AM

In most studies, boot camp has no lasting effect and in fact for many it allows them to meet and know peers their same age and often learn even worst behavior.

Most boot camps for children are operated by either the state or work for the state children's service, you can not just send the child unless they are sentenced there by the courts.

If you search for wilderness camps, or survivial camps, they are the same idea, but often private.

So what is in her room, she is sent to. A bed with matress and nothing else? No phone, no computer, no music, and so on.

talaniman · May 25, 2014, 07:08 AM

I agree with Doula, get some support from schools and doctors and the counsellor you work with. Just curious as what the counsellor recommends as the next step in evaluating her. Also would like to know the role dad plays as she seems to be imitating him maybe?

Wondergirl · May 25, 2014, 07:49 AM

She's looking for attention from you, even if it's negative attention -- and she's pushing all your buttons to get it. Is there a way to give her positive attention and not ride her constantly about all the things she does wrong? Maybe it will help not to say ANYthing when she does something wrong -- like if her schoolwork is messy, ignore the problem and don't say a word and let the teacher deal with her, i.e., don't make it your responsibility to "fix" it -- and let her suffer any consequences from the teacher and school.

Just from your description of life at home, you sound almost as out of control as she is -- and I say that only because she has gotten so good at pushing those buttons of yours. The school counselor/a school staffing or a family therapist with ALL of you in the family in attendance (even your daughter) might open a few doors for you. (P.S. Boot camp won't help. It sounds like this is between you and her.)

dontknownuthin · Jun 9, 2014, 02:41 PM

I think she is too young. You need to recommit to counseling. That includes doing what the counselor advises and not second guessing them.

Just stop fighting over homework. It doesn't work. Instead set goals for her. No television or cell phone until she is doing her homework independently and without argument to a standard acceptable to her teachers. If she only gives you lip, let Dad take over the homework issue to take a break.

Oliver2011 · Jun 10, 2014, 05:50 AM

I agree with Girl Wonder. She is looking for attention and will do whatever to get that attention. I also agree 9 is too young. Think about this - maybe the people who need boot camp are the parents. Sign yourself up for classes that will teach you how to use positive discipline and structure to change her behaviors. Once you know behavior modification it's a wonderful tool.