Please help - I am a new mum and have just gotten back to work after raising my daughter to 6 months. I loved ever minute of it and would love to be a full-time mum but we just can't afford it :((

I know so many others have gone through this and I really need help.My little girl goes to a day-mother who looks after 3 other little kiddies in her home. Shes' wonderful and I know she's in good hands. If anything I worry that little one will like her too much.

Im just so worried that the time we spend apart (due to my having to work) is going to have a negative effect on our relationship and bond and I would die if that happened. What if my child appears to be fine on the surface but grows up with abandonment issues and does not recognise me as her mother, or starts to love the daymum more ?

I have to drop her off at 6:30 in the morning and only fetch her at 17:00.When we get home dad does supper so I can be with her and we have good quality time together with play, bath, supper. Of course not much else gets done and dad and I don't get time together!

I do work in a school and get all the holidays off - will this make a difference

Please help I so want to be a good mother to her and want her to know that I love her. I want to be fully involved in her life but I just cant' right now.

I know that babies' experience the world from the arms of their care-giver and it breaks my heart that this has to be someone else, who is also a different race and language-speaker than I am.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Welcome to AMHD.

I hope this puts your mind at ease. I have 4 children, ages 20, 18, 13, and 4. I have had to work with the oldest 3 and I have been back at college with the youngest. All 4 children were in daycare type settings. All 4 recognize me as their mother and love me to death.

The thing that was good about being raised in those kinds of settings was that it prepared all of them for school. They learned, were social creatures and ready to integrate into elementary school. My mother-in-law is an elementary school teacher. She says that the children who have a hard time intergating into the school setting are the ones who stay at home with mom or dad, they are just not used to big groups and social activities.

I hope this helps at least a little bit.

My experience is similar to J9's. I'm a father to 2 kids, now 21 months and 5 years old. The older one is now is kindergarten and the younger is the same daycare setup as you describe, the same one the older one went to. I spend a lot of time with my kids, taking parental leave when I could. I'm that dad you see rolling with the kids at the park.

We live in a smaller town so commuting isn't an issue and we can drop the child off around 8 a.m. We're lucky that way. The rest of this post echoes what J9 says. The kids are very well socialized, oldest one loves school. All kids have a phase where they have some separation anxiety so don't worry about that (easy to say but hard on the parents, I know:)).

As long as the children know they are loved by their parents they will know who their lives revolve around. Babies know who picks them up in the middle of the night to give them comfort - that is remembered for ever... well until the teen years. :D

Is it really necessary for you to work? How much of your income does the day-mother eat up? Not to mention clothing and travel expenses for you to get to and from work every day. When a lot of families actually sit down and crunch the numbers it turns out that it just isn't worth it for the mother to work outside of the home when day care is required for children under school age. You and your husband might want to take a close look at this. Keep in mind that if you eliminate your income you might be eligible for public assistance programs designed for mothers with young children. Also a lower income means a lower tax liability. ANother alternative might be for your husband to try and find a higher paying job, thus eliminating your need to work. I know that might be easier said than done but it's an option you could pursue.