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    imhermom's Avatar
    imhermom Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 29, 2010, 11:14 AM
    I am also freaking out about my daughters first crush, only she is 7 going on 8.
    My daughter is 7 going on 8 and she has had a bit of a mutual crush on a boy for a year or so.I do not encourage crushes whether it is the jonas brothers or any other boy.They go to a private christian school and I have spoken to the pastor about it, and he has spoken to both her and the boy about this.Now the other children have begun to tease them about this and the boy has now become defensive and mean to my daughter.She is hurt and humiliated,and I am left to help her get through this.Keep in mind that she is only 7 years old, and very niave.I am unsure how to help at this point.
    positiveparent's Avatar
    positiveparent Posts: 1,136, Reputation: 291
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    #2

    Jul 29, 2010, 11:43 AM

    Your Daughter is 7 years old, at that age I think you may have over reacted by classing her friendship with the boy as being a crush.

    All you can do is try explaining to your daughter that you thought she had a crush on the boy and that you wanted the school to step in and they did and now your little girl is being given a hard time.

    In other words tell her the truth.

    Im sorry but what harm is there in her having a Male friend, she's a child. Why not just let her be one.

    They would hardly have done anything innappropriate at 7 years old.
    macksmom's Avatar
    macksmom Posts: 1,787, Reputation: 152
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    #3

    Jul 29, 2010, 11:47 AM

    Attraction to the opposite sex in normal at this age. Thinking boys are cute, or having a "boyfriend" in their class is very typical of that age. Overreacting to the situation seems to have made it worse for you daughter than it needed to be.
    Obviously at this age you daughter is not going to be sneaking out to go to this boys house and interaction between the two is observed by parents and teachers.
    I think you need to talk to your daughter about liking boys and what is age appropriate for her. I would also explain behaviors that are acceptable and behaviors that are not.
    By you getting so many other people involved instead of just sitting down and talking to her, you may have her thinking that being attracted to a boy is wrong and there is something wrong with her for having feelings for someone.

    At this point, I think the best thing you can do is just sit down and talk to her about what she is feeling and what you feel. You need to establish trust and communication now before she is afraid to talk to you about anything.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #4

    Jul 29, 2010, 11:55 AM

    She's going to a Christian School so I would think the children will probably be closely supervised.

    All little girls and boys have crushes and I don't think they even know what it is. Your child is seven, still a baby.

    Let her enjoy being seven ,you can't smother a child with over protecting them.

    Someday she'll see what the real world is like and you can say you did the best you could. In my opinion if there was no touching or contact involved you shouldn't have said anything.

    You have taught her right from wrong and if those teachings have
    Reached her she knows.

    My opinion only.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #5

    Jul 29, 2010, 12:01 PM

    I attended a Lutheran school (my dad was a minister), and I sent my two sons to a Lutheran school from Jr-K to 8th grade. My younger son had a crush (if you want to call it that) on Jan in Pre-K. She was taller than he and had red hair. He was entranced by her hair color more than he was by her. It wasn't long before he had a "crush" on another girl. (Later, as a teen Jan worked at my older son's workplace where he had a "crush" on Jan, and again, mostly because of her hair. Thanks to Jan, both sons are partial to redheads.)

    We didn't make a fuss about the Pre-K crush-thing, and it blew over fairly quickly. There's nothing wrong with crushes and having best friends, even in primary school. It gives the children a chance to practice manners and conversation and respect for the other gender. I fear that over-attention to fleeting crushes and special friendships gives children the wrong idea that there's something bad about them. They are just part of growing up. I figure as long as the children are not partying alone together until to a.m. or given other grownup privileges, no harm will be done.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #6

    Jul 29, 2010, 12:04 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    I attended a Lutheran school (my dad was a minister), and I sent my two sons to a Lutheran school from Jr-K to 8th grade. My younger son had a crush (if you want to call it that) on Jan in Pre-K. She was taller than he and had red hair. He was entranced by her hair color more than he was by her. It wasn't long before he had a "crush" on another girl. (Later, as a teen Jan worked at my older son's workplace where he had a "crush" on Jan, and again, mostly because of her hair. Thanks to Jan, both sons are partial to redheads.)

    We didn't make a fuss about the Pre-K crush-thing, and it blew over fairly quickly. There's nothing wrong with crushes and having best friends, even in primary school. It gives the children a chance to practice manners and conversation and respect for the other gender. I fear that over-attention to fleeting crushes and special friendships gives children the wrong idea that there's something bad about them. They are just part of growing up. I figure as long as the children are not partying alone together until 2 a.m. or given other grownup privileges, no harm will be done.
    Absolutely right Wondergirl and you know how to word things just right:)
    imhermom's Avatar
    imhermom Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 29, 2010, 02:01 PM

    Here is the thing, The boy I was referring to had become mean and was acting out calling her terrible names and teasing her because his friends observed his crush on her, that is the only reason I went to the pastor, other children have been getting involved in the teasing now and that is what has made this larger than it should be... I am trying to let my daughter be 7 that is why I want advice on age appropriate communication with the matter... I don't think she is going to be sneaking around at 7 years old for goodness sake and certainly nothing"inappropriate went on,but she is very hurt by allof this and I am wanting advice on what to say to her and how.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,847, Reputation: 5428
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    #8

    Jul 29, 2010, 04:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by imhermom View Post
    Here is the thing, The boy I was referring to had become mean and was acting out calling her terrible names and teasing her because his friends observed his crush on her, that is the only reason I went to the pastor, other children have been getting involved in the teasing now and that is what has made this larger than it should be...I am trying to let my daughter be 7 that is why I want advice on age appropriate communication with the matter...I don't think she is going to be sneaking around at 7 years old for goodness sake and certainly nothing"inappropriate went on,but she is very hurt by allof this and I am wanting advice on what to say to her and how.
    Ah, thank you for making this a bit clearer for us. (And I hope you knew I was kidding about the to a.m. thing.)

    Yes, children can be mean to each other. One child feeds off another. Teasing is even more fun for children when they can get a reaction out of another child, so they pick on students who tend to be shy and non-assertive, who might be anxious because of previous teasing, who tend to cry or over-react when teased. Thus, children tease or bully fellow students who seem weaker than they are. It makes them feel stronger and more in control.

    Your daughter has to get her power back. She's seven and hasn't had experience with this before now. One thing she can do is ignore the teasing and change the subject. ("Let's have a race. I wonder who will win.") Or, she can make a joke of it and laugh along with the teaser(s). ("Yup, Billy's fun to be with. So are Jimmy and Stevie.") Ask a question to get the others thinking. ("Who do you think will win the race?")

    You can role-play at home with her. You be her, and let her tease you the way she's being teased. Come up with appropriate reactions or rejoinders. Be creative without thinking of cruel responses. Then change roles, and let her be the teased person and you be the teaser.

    Build up empathy, too, in your daughter. Talk about how the teasers are thinking and feeling. Get inside their skin.

    When she comes home from school the next day, ask her how things went and review with her any teasing -- what was said and how she responded (and any better ways she could have responded). Let her do a lot of the thinking and strategizing, but, of course, guide her to be kind yet firm in how she handles things.

    By the way, where is the teacher in all this?
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #9

    Jul 29, 2010, 04:50 PM

    I've had a number of students with crushes at that age. When he stops being teased, and embarrassed by it, he will stop teasing your daughter and they will quite likely become friends again.

    However, I would certainly speak with the teacher, in private, regarding the matter. The teacher needs to be made aware of the teasing and name calling that is going on and can have an overall class discussion on respect and the golden rule.

    The role-playing Wondergirl suggested works well... I have used it in my class. Lesson sinks in faster when they can participate and are given appropriate responses to use.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #10

    Jul 29, 2010, 05:24 PM

    7 and 8 yr olds are friends.

    What you call it makes no difference .

    Let them be kids. Making an issue of it now is too soon.


    This could be the last of true innocence they know in today's world.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #11

    Jul 29, 2010, 05:49 PM

    Let the kids work it out. By this time next week they'll probably be friends again.
    jenniepepsi's Avatar
    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
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    #12

    Jul 30, 2010, 10:18 AM

    At this age its not really a crush or a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. My 6 almost 7 year old has a 'husband' lol that they got 'married' last year.

    I would think your daughter and him are best friends. And it is human nature for a boy/girl friendship to be deeper than the superficial girl/girl friendships.

    I would take a deep breath and don't worrie too much about these things. I'm sure they will hold hands, and even kiss. But it would be no different to them than a sister kissing her brother.

    They are just best friends. And all friends, girls or boys, or girl/boy friendships, they will have days of 'YOUR NOT MY FRIEND NO MORE" and such. Feelings are hurt, they are both upset. But if you step back and just give her support and hugs and let her deal with it she will be all the better for it, and I'm sure in a few days they will be back together as if nothing happened. No worries hon.
    positiveparent's Avatar
    positiveparent Posts: 1,136, Reputation: 291
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    #13

    Jul 30, 2010, 10:29 AM

    I too have a 4yr old who is getting married to one of his little girlie friends, she's all of 5 LOL.

    He tells me that they are going to get married and even when they're bigger like this big he draws a huge circle in the air with his hands indicating a grown up I think that then they be going to gets married and have some babies who better be good or they leave them outside.

    Or bring them to me to look after because they have to be playing mr and mrs married people.

    Then after that he is going to married Charlotte lol another 5 year old, I think I may have a bigamist in the making LOL.

    Seriously its what kids do they mimic us the parents.

    Its all harmless and all stuff that helps them learn life skills...
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #14

    Jul 30, 2010, 10:34 AM

    It's a part of growing up. Don't worry mom, it'll pass and in third grade she'll hate boys and boys will hate girls. Nature is all it is.

    It's the middle school and High school years ,when you want to scream and pull your hair out.

    Blessings and it will work out.

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