When my oldest son moved back home with his new wife and daughter; their plan was to live with us and save money to make a downpayment on a home in the near future. His mother and I want to help them but it has been very stressful. I live and work overseas so my wife is busting her chops not only for them but we also have three younger adolesent children at home. The trouble is that my son is disrespectful to my wife and acts as if he wants to take over and run things his way. He reacts to my wife's requests and criticism as if he were a teen still. He also treats his younger siblings as if they are enemies to his daughter. Now his wife is content to lay around the house and do basically nothing while my wife cooks, cleans, and picks up after them as well. So neither my son or his wife are contributing to doing the chores. My younger children are starting to feel alienated from and resentful to their niece because of the way my son and his wife treat them; for example they say "leave her alone, don't touch her".
We have recently begun a dialogue with them about moving out because we feel this is not a workable arrangement considering the current state of our relationship.we love our son and his family and I know they love us but we haven't been able to effect a change in their behavior in our home and my son does not see where he is doing wrong.
Does anyone have any information or advice that may help our situation?
My son works and they have began to put up some money but they are a long way from their goal and his wife is pregnant again. We have been in this living arrangement for four months.