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    Lesley999's Avatar
    Lesley999 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Apr 17, 2019, 11:11 AM
    Adult daughters turning against their mothers with silent treatment
    Our daughter 35, a Manager, has given us silent treatment for 3 months. She has 2 kids whom we haven't seen for some time. I have 'phoned ,texted ,and emailed. She does not answer. She took offence at a 'joke' comment my husband made. We said that no offence was intended , at the beginning of all this and that we should move on.
    My husband went to see her 2 weeks into this.S he would not let him in. I went to se her a few weeks later, she would not let me in either.
    A month ago I tried again . This time she let me in and we talked 'normally' (small talk ) But now Silent treatment has started again and we haven't seen or heard from her for 2 weeks.
    I am at a loss what to do. My husband says wait for her to contact us as we have had to make contact with her all the time.
    Please help
    ebaines's Avatar
    ebaines Posts: 12,130, Reputation: 1307
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    #2

    Apr 20, 2019, 08:07 AM
    Your daughter was clearly offended by the "joke," and simply saying "no offense intended, move on" shows that you don't understand why she is so upset. You are trying to brush off her concerns as being trivial, which she probably views as insulting. You must try to understand what it was that your husband said that was so upsetting. My guess is there's a bit of history here, and perhaps the one joke or comment by itself would not be expected to illicit such a strong reaction, but as part of an ongoing series of comments or a history of her feeling belittled has led to this. So my suggestion is think about what has transpired here, try to think from her point of view, and when you talk to her try to understand deeply what the root issues are, and tell her specifically how both you and your husband's behavior will change. Do not be dismissive of her concerns. It will take time, but I hope that over the next few weeks or months you can come to an amicable understanding.
    waltero's Avatar
    waltero Posts: 68, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Apr 20, 2019, 03:38 PM
    Sometimes people need there space. Offer her financial help, bribe her. Take an interest in the kids and be real grandparents.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Apr 20, 2019, 04:38 PM
    There is most likely much more to this, long before one "joke" the joke may have been the final straw.

    In that said, you just stop begging, consider other issues that may be there, and wait for them to be willing to talk
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Apr 20, 2019, 04:49 PM
    Has she ever done this before? If so for how long? How has the relationships been before? When my kids get a bug up their butt and want to act distant, we generally leave them alone until THEY are ready. Is your husband her step dad? Seems like it from the way you wrote this, so am I wrong to suspect some kind of rift/resentment between them? Is she a single mom, or married? How old are the grand babies? Sorry for all the questions I'm just trying to understand. I have a moody daughter, who does the same thing from time to time so I can relate to that silent treatment a bit. Usually it's more about her than you, but waiting for them to get over it is draining, especially with grand kids, and I doubt this was a spur at the moment deal. More like it was brewing for a while.

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