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    love peace hope's Avatar
    love peace hope Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 7, 2014, 09:00 PM
    My adult daughter is so hateful and disrespectful what can I do
    Just as I was raised to show respect to my parents and elders, so was my daughter. Somewhere along the road from age 18 to present she decided she could talk to me as she pleases, with such hate and disdain at times it kills my heart. I love my child with all my heart BUT I do not like her. She now has a daughter of her own, and although she is still very young, I am afraid that over time as she witnesses the way my daughter addresses me that she too will believe it is fine to talk to me as her mother does.

    I have tried to get my daughter to see it from my side. I asked her to think about how much love she has for her daughter. Now imagine she spoke to you just as you speak to me. How broken would your heart be?

    Basically she makes me feel she is only nice so she can have money, I buy her things or for rides. I am desperately afraid she will use my granddaughter to hurt me should she become angry at me. There were 2 years she wouldn't speak to me until she got pregnant and needed me.

    What should one do?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Jan 7, 2014, 09:15 PM
    I'd stop the money and gifts... she's using that already as a weapon... take that way from her.

    Unfortunately there is no magic cure... but you can take away the tools she has been using against you... that won't stop her... but it will make it harder for her to do it... but cutting off the gravy train will teach her the lesson that actions have consequences. And you have to stand up for yourself first... she only has the control you allow her to have. Sometimes you have to put your mental health above all else... even if it means cuting your vindictive daughter out of your life... and I would amend your will to prevent her from getting anything... even as far as putting it in a revokable trust (Do NOT do an irrevokable trust) your granddaughter can't access until she is 21. Assurring your daughter can't waste it as the guardian. And you can change it give it to any other charity that you wish if your granddaughter sides with her mother. Greedy monsters usually understand getting cut out of the will completely. As that's usually all they care about. Free stuff.

    You can always change a will if they have an epiphany before then.
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
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    #3

    Jan 8, 2014, 08:28 PM
    I always say it but it can never be assumed that substance abuse is not a factor with personality changes in anyone, but more prevalent in young persons. And be careful providing her with money until you are certain what it is being used for. I hope substance abuse is not the case but if it is, you may be your own worst enemy.
    bketty's Avatar
    bketty Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Jan 29, 2014, 06:56 PM
    I agree with smoothy, cut your daughter out of your life - give her what she wants.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Jan 29, 2014, 07:26 PM
    There are always two sides to every story, and every story teller usually paints their side in a very pretty color. No actual help can be obtained that way.

    I'm not saying that your daughter has a reason to be so hateful, you've painted yourself as the perfect mother that did everything right and just has an ungrateful brat for a daughter.

    But, I'd be very interested to hear her side of the story. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle.

    Have you ever considered family counseling?

    We have a few paragraphs of one side of the story to go on. It's really impossible to give valid advice with such limited information from only one of the people involved.
    tannertan's Avatar
    tannertan Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Sep 22, 2014, 11:18 AM
    Maybe the reason she's being disrespectful is because you've overindulged her in the past and now she has the impression that she's entitled to your money, even though it's affecting your ability to save for your future. Spoiled kids are a pain, especially once they're grown. Cut off the free cash supply. The next time she's rude, tell her so. She'll blame everything on you, but adult kids who are spoiled are too narcissistic to own their own selfishness. You don't have to put up with it. She'll leave in a huff but return when she wants you to do her a new favor, like pay her bills or babysit. Not much depth to the Entitled Ones.

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