I have four children. They are all adults now. One of the children which I call my child is actually my niece. I got her when my sister died. She was two year old. I thought that I had given her all of the love and opportunities that I did for my own blood children. She is 36 years old. She used to work for me. I have a childcare center.
There was a time that I sent her back to college to get additional credits for the position that I needed her to fill. She was very excited at first and then the next thing that I know she got pregnant with her second child. I know that I did not at first handle that news very well. She is not married and the guy she is with has nothing going on for him in his life. He collects SSI. She live in a section 8 house and he is really not suppose to be there.
She told me that she would be coming back to work after she had the baby. She had the baby and she told me that she really did not want to work anymore at the center. This was a tremendous disappointment. There was a time that I really needed her help just for a few weeks. I asked her to help me not as an employer but a mother asking her child. She said that she could not help me.
I have tried to maintain a relationship with her. But, it seems like I am always the one to call. She said that she loves and cares about me but I don't hear from her. During Christmas, I sent her $1000.00 to help her. She thank me for the money.
However, she did not even call to wish me a Merry Christmas nor did she send a card. I brought this to her attention and she sent me a T shirt with her children's picture on it.
I go from being angry to feeling so bad. I don't understand why she does not communicate with me.
That is the story about her. The other daughter that I have is now getting married. She wants to have this very expensive wedding about $40,000. She is a doctor. I told her that I would give her $10,000. I went to a food tasting with her last week and I told her the food was okay. She got upset with me and said that I was being so negative about everything and started crying. I got upset too because she is just being so unreasonable. I told her that she should not ask me for my opionion when she has already made up her mind. Now she is not talking to me either. I wrote her an e-mail to apologize and she has not responded.
I am so pissed off with my children. They have no regard for my feelings and they treat me badly. I cannot imagine treating my mother like they treat me. Am I wrong for feeling so bad.
You are certainly not wrong for having feelings of disappointment and feeling neglected by your children.Your feelings always have validity.
My relationship with my adult children is that I give my two cents when asked to give my two cents,otherwise I keep my opinions to myself.
It is a fine line that a Mother of adult children walks because we need to respect their decisions,regardless of what we think and know that our opinions really do matter to them and we need to approach them with tact and diplomacy.
They still want us to be proud of them and our acceptance and respect for them as adults is very important.
Try talking to them more as adults and broach your comments with tact and perhaps preface them with *if it were me,this is what I would do*.
Become a diplomat and show them that you respect them as adults and see if that helps in the future.
I'm so sick of how adult kids treat parents in this day and time. It's just so out of line... why don't they want to hear words of experience and should be happy to hear it even it they don't follow the words of experience. I will pray for you.
You have done all you can and I'm sure you will hear from your
Daughter. Being a mother is hard and sometimes we feel like we
We are neglected. My advice, focus on you for a while. Do some things you want to do.
I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your daughter to help pay for her wedding. As for the niece.. I would make it very plain you will not be supporting her. Let her work for you and bring the baby along.
You sound like you have been a wonderful mother and your children know that. You are in my prayers.:):)
You have to remember the apple don't fall far from the tree. There is something you are not telling! Why would you give somebody a 1000.00 dollar that don't talk to you. I think that is your way of willing her in for the kill. She is grown and you have to not put her boyfriend down for being disable (SSI). Everybody can't be a doctor. She stay away from you to have peace in her house. And your real daughter, it is her wedding let her eat what she likes on her day. I have a feeling nothing is good enough for you. When they let you back in just smile a shake you head. Learn how to not be so judgmental.
HI . I am so sorry you are going thro this... personally I have 2 adult children who do not talk to me out of the 3 I had... all unfortunately were spoilt... by that I mean they had not a clue what it is like to have nothing as I did as a child because I did all I could to be sure they had more than one pair of shoes , one sweater, one pair of pants, no toys , no hols... etc etc... and now we pay for that... sorry but they expect so much more than we did.. they have little respect because they are used to handouts and being wrapped in cotton wool... its killing me to hold back and wait till they wake up and realise, and that will take a lloonngg time, but I have to... stand back, do no more, and wait and I hope that works, I pray for you and others like you and I and for the children.
You have every right to your feelings. You can feel anyway you choose to about this. But she is 36 years old. Its time to back off and quit trying to be 'mommy'
It is not your place to aproove or disaproove of her love life, choice in men, how many children she has. You cannot control where she works, if she wants to work for you or not is her choice. You sent her some money to help, and she thanked you, so I see no problem there. She sent you a gift after you reminded her. It sounds like it slipped her mind. She probably already had the gift and just forgot to send it. She has children, christmas can be a very overwhelming time for a mother.
Quit taking everything so personally and just be there for her.
About your other daughter, its her wedding. Back off.
Good luck hon. I am sorry you are going through this
I feel that selfishness is often the root of poor and inconsiderate communication.
This can be even more pronounced in families because of familiarity and the perceptions that have arisen from some of the negative experiences that can occur in family situations. If adult children do not have some kind of spiritual values that they live by, selfishness and inconsiderate thinking become stronger. Love should be the impulse that regulates our thoughts, words, and actions. Unfortunately, we seem to be living at a time when introspective, ethical thinking is taking a back seat to pleasure and self-gratification. Many are so busy "doing and getting" that they stop thinking sufficiently about the feelings of those that should be dearest to them - their own parents. I also find that only one of my four children shows any interest in what my life is about. My children rarely, if ever, ask me anything about my interests, or about my past life experiences. I find it very sad.
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