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mystific · Jan 19, 2011, 07:12 PM

Ok, so I've been thinking about this for a while now. And no matter how 'out of the box' I try to consider it, I just don’t know.

I met a guy around the same age as myself 13 yrs ago (23 back then) while I was doing my big OE in the states. We've remained distant friends for all these years since, as he is in the US Army and a year or so after I met my ex. He just recently got re-deployed to Iraq and got back in contact with me. Course of events are such that after me telling him I am no longer with my ex he was pretty excited and suggested that when he's finished his deployment we should get together. This is in October. Getting carried away with the whole conversation I was like "sure that sounds great".

He gets out for his first R&R next month and suggested coming to visit me. But I declined that as much as it would be fun, I'm not prepared for him to meet my daughter and although it's been 4 months since my breakup and feeling perfectly fine, I'm not sure how 'ready' I am.

He was most obliging and said he would wait. He's never married, doesn't have a girlfriend as he 'wouldn’t do that to anyone while he was serving'. So, why am I apprehensive?

I keep remembering what he was like when we first met. If there was a check box of Yes's to fill, he did, with ease. But I know what he does and I understand how it changes people. I don’t understand the psyche of some people and how events can dramatically change their ways. I have this overwhelming thought that he'd wake up in the middle of the night forget where he was and I'd become the next number. I just don’t know how to approach it. I've thought of doing it in a joking way but really even for me that’s a stretch.

I'm probably over analyzing it all especially so early in the peace. I feel very split, because if it’s not something I'm comfortable with I won't do it, but then it's something he is really looking forward to, and a part of me wants him to keep feeling positive about something so he’s got something to stay alive for. If you understand what I mean.

I guess for me it’s the unknowing and although it’s like anyone you meet there is the same element of cautiousness, this is one where I really feel I need to be aware? … so thoughts/opinions as usual would be most grateful :)

talaniman · Jan 19, 2011, 07:59 PM

Start with friends and limit yourself to just that. I think as long as we are happy in the life we lead and let no one person make us change that, then having fun making friends is perfectly normal human behavior. Just don't get carried away, that's when the drama starts and the fun stops. If things develop, let it be natural.

Scared to jump back in huh? Then don't, keep it simple, casual, and fun. Plenty of time for the drama later so just don't rush yourself.

mystific · Jan 19, 2011, 08:43 PM

Thanks Tal.. lol.. I'm not 'scared'.. I just think 'normal' would have been a nice first option to dip my toes into :)

talaniman · Jan 19, 2011, 08:46 PM

I have read your posts, and I think you can handle yourself.

mystific · Jan 19, 2011, 10:35 PM

Twice bitten.. I sincerely hope so.

Thank you :)

kaka67 · Jan 20, 2011, 03:21 AM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again

Rep system is slightly annoying... :rolleyes:

I agree with Talaniman... take it slow, keep it lighthearted and just enjoy his company.

See how it plays... No rush. Have some fun for me too... :p

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 08:22 AM

Mystific,

I have read the advice you give to others, its down to earth,caring. Only you will know when your ready to jump back into the relationship waters. If you feeling like just dangling your feet in those water at this time don't feel guilty for that choice.

I would take this time that you are emailing back and forth to let him know what your concerns are when it comes to being in a relationship. It is sometime easier to write then actually speak them.

That way he can address those concerns. You may not feel any better after getting his response but at least you can him a chance to explain himself.

I know what it is to be hurt and very unsure if you want to even take the chance just in case it would end up like the past. But, I finally came to understand, well at least for me, that I refuse to let the past piece of crap still control my life. I may not know what is going to happen, but its better to get out and try, then to sit at home letting the "unsure" feelings control me. As to meeting him or not, you are one smart lady, go with your instincts!!

Take care, wish you the very best!!

mystific · Jan 20, 2011, 09:25 AM

Tal, Answer & Kaka.. thank you :)

I think its easier sometimes to give advice than actually listening to your own reasoning, keep giving the same answer.. in the end I just didn't want to hear it any more :)

@ Answer

How stupid do I seriously look? Honestly why didn't I think of sending an email. So simple.. so daft!

I refuse to let the past piece of crap still control my life

Power of a woman. It does so give me inspiration when I see women stand strong. I understand. I wouldn't say it controls me. I guess I'd like to be 100 times wiser this time around :rolleyes:

I think perhaps I've never had an outlet or a group in which to talk within before I wasn't able to get that feedback and its more of a comfort and settling feeling.

And I appreciate it.. very much.

mystific · Jan 20, 2011, 09:27 AM

See how it plays... No rush. Have some fun for me too... :p

LOL, and I thought I was supposed to live life vicariously through you! :D

kaka67 · Jan 20, 2011, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by mystific

LOL, and I thought I was supposed to live life vicariously through you! :D

You would be so bored if you did that... :o

One good thing, among many, is now you, like me, can spot the red flags and will pay attention. I have always ignored them cause I was in looooooove!!

Ill never do that again. Neither will you.

Good luck!!