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    Nicodem Lihts's Avatar
    Nicodem Lihts Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 28, 2017, 10:53 AM
    How Can I Stop Being Afraid Of Being Heterosexual
    Hi everyone am 16, in high school A2 level. Sexuality has always a problem to me until I recently discovered that am truly heterosexual, because in primary school I became confuse. I found out that I was a true heterosexual male a few days ago, though I always knew it but refuse to admit and am afraid of it because; * Being a male heterosexual surely means am the man and I would have to take care of my partner's needs and provide for her security. * I will always be lustful with no sex satifaction i.e. in my poor life suituation, girls will never look at me. * When I was 8 (till now), I always refused to have a relationship and admit my feelings for girls because I never wanted any of them hinder my studies, nor unwanted pregnancy etc. * But most of all what influence into refusing my heterosexuality was the fact that am from POOR FAMILLY, because to maintain a relationship you must be able as a man to provide even basic needs to make you girlfriend happy. Is I could still have a girlfriend though being poor, but I have always been very rationally in my actions and thinking and usually make use of wisdom. I realise that it is because of fear that I though I was queer or gay. And I realise I subsitute gay sex with straight sex because it is easy to have and less complicated that heterosexual relationships, GUYS ARE SIMPLE MINDED. So could someone tell how to overcome those fears and accept my heterosexuality.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #2

    Feb 28, 2017, 11:09 AM
    Your way of thinking about your sexuality is not easy for much of the world to understand. You have had sex with other boys just because you are poor, and because boys are simple minded (or perhaps you mean 'uncomplicated')?
    I am a 70 year old woman in the US, but I am aware of how young people think and feel and act these days, and I don't think you are being rational at all!
    I do know that there has been much male-male sex throughout history, for several reasons, usually in war, or in prison, or in other places where women weren't available to heterosexual men.
    I hear what you are saying about pregnancy, and I've heard that argument too, but usually when an older man is trying to convince a boy to have sex with him. Maybe it's more common in cultures other than mine, and I am lacking in some knowledge there. In my culture, there might be homosexual experimentation by hetero males, but not much. In some ways it can be what you call 'simple minded' because it might be practice of a sort. But I have to keep remembering that for you, it can mean life or death?
    So.... it just makes me wonder if you have really, really looked inward to see if perhaps you ARE gay. Nothing wrong with that. But if you are in a culture where it is a crime, it's a lot to worry about.

    I won't be one of those people who say "Admit it - you are gay." No one can tell another person what they are. Because you are only 16, it may be a while before you truly 'know' who you are.
    But no one should even try to answer your question about 'overcome and accept' because it is not an applicable question. You should never have to 'accept' your sexual preference. It's throughout your body, your feelings, your thinking, your every little daily move in life. It just IS.
    So work on this another month or year or two, and ask again, if you don't have it all sorted out naturally.

    [Edit: I just looked back 4 months. You wrote about being bisexual and wanting to leave Cameroon for the US as a refugee. Goodness! Your question just got more involved in WHERE you live.]
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #3

    Feb 28, 2017, 05:04 PM
    It's 2017, not 1817. Women today don't need a man to take care of them, they work, they have careers, they take care of themselves. Having a husband is for companionship, for love, not to have someone take care of them financially.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691
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    #4

    Feb 28, 2017, 07:30 PM
    If he did not really believe this, I would think this is a joke or from some comic on TV.

    No, you are 16 and have no idea about life and are, totally wrong.

    Try having a real adult gay relationship, talk about needy, you should hear my friend complain almost everyday about their partner.

    No, girls are not "taken care of" We do not go out and kill the buffalo and bring it home to the barefoot and pregnant wife.

    You find someone, you share good and bad, that is real life.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #5

    Mar 1, 2017, 05:01 AM
    I have only met one person from Cameroon, a male college student. My roommate invited him over just before evening, and he told me that he wasn't supposed to be in the presence of a woman after dark. So I am aware of cultural differences, and can assume that there are plenty more. He was going home to an arranged marriage.

    That was years ago... perhaps Cameroon is a clash of old and new customs, as much of the world is. Perhaps you should just masturbate until your marriage can be arranged. That's what most boys have done for thousands of years. If you are still confused about being gay or bi by then, then do what you can to leave the country.

    (To above responders, of course it's still tradition in a lot of countries for the man to be able to support a wife.)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,137, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Mar 1, 2017, 05:39 AM
    Keep living young guy, and you will eventually learn the honest truth about yourself, and how to deal with yourself in positive ways.

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